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Ol' JR

- number of times JR is hit by someone: 26

Luther Frick hits him when the family is held at gunpoint [4]
Bobby punches him when he suggests that Pam's baby might not be his [5]
Lucy slaps him when he tells her Valene took his money and left the state [7]
Ray hits him twice when he finds JR in Garnet McGee's apartment [16]
Bobby hits him when he learns that JR tried to set up Pam in a menage a trois [25]
Sue Ellen slaps him when he tries to seduce her [37]
Sue Ellen bangs on his chest after he makes her out to be paranoid [50]
Mitch hits him when he tries to push Afton around [85] [left]
Dusty smacks him when he insinuates that Sue Ellen's a slut [85]
Bobby hits him when he learns the truth about Christopher's parentage [104] [center]
Clayton hits him during the poolfight at his wedding [114]
Ray hits him when he bad-mouths Donna [117]
Pam slaps him when he suggests that she and Mark and closer than they are [131]
Ray hits him several times during their fight which starts the Southfork fire [131]
Cliff apparently hits him during the fight at the Oil Baron's Ball [140]
Edgar Randolph hits him before leaving Dallas [153] [right]
Bobby hits him several times after learning he sent Pam on her wild goose chase [179]
Mark hits him after learning he sent Pam on her wild goose chase [196]
Matt Cantrell hits him when he returns from Colombia [220]
Pam hits him after he smacks Cliff [235]
Clayton hits him twice when Ellie breaks down after learning about the investigation into Ewing Oil [249]
Sue Ellen hits him when he finds that he lied about her to Cally [292]
Bobby hits him at the end of War of the Ewings for trying the threaten the sanctity of Southfork [WOTE]
Sue Ellen hits him at the end of War of the Ewings for old times sake [WOTE]

- number of times JR does the hitting: 10

He slaps Sue Ellen when he finds out she's pregnant [15]
He smacks Jeb Ames when Jeb threatens Bobby [17]
He hits Alan Beam during a mock fight at the rodeo [37]
He hits Cliff during the poolfight at his wedding [114]
He hits Cliff at the Oil Baron's Ball [140]
He hits Cliff at the Oil Baron's Club [182]
He hits Dusty when he sees him and Sue Ellen at the detox ward [194]
He hits Cliff when he gets mouthy at a Ewing barbecue [235]
He gets in some shots on Nicholas during their fight [281]
He hits Morrissey in the sanitarium [336]

- number of times JR ends up in the pool [without a bathing suit]: 5

He was pushed in by Donna in Episode 83.
During the poolfight at his wedding [114]
He jumps into the pool during the Southfork fire [132]
Bobby pushed him in during their fight in Episode 179
Bobby pushed him in again during their fight in Episode 269

- number of times JR is in 'the fight of his life': 7

the Asian Oil Well crisis during which Southfork is mortgaged
the investigation into the counter-revolution in Southeast Asia
the battle for Ewing Oil after Jock's death
when Ewing Oil is threatened by the lawsuit put forth by Jamie and Cliff
the proposed sellout to Wendell after Bobby's death
during Wes Parmalee's return
when the State Department revokes Ewing Oil's charter after the BD Calhoun scandal

This was Anne Pederson's idea.

- number of times someone points a gun at JR: 21

Luther Frick threatens him with a gun [4]
Louisiana natives with a vendetta against Jock shoot him in the leg [35]
Kristin, who shoots him [54]
Holly Harwood, who threatens him [119] [picture]
Soldiers in Cuba threaten him as he is dragged off to prison [127]
Edgar Randolph nearly shoots him but is disarmed [162]
Nicholas [of Marinos Shipping] tries to shoot Jack and JR [215]
Angelica Nero tries to shoot Jack and JR [215]
Angelica Nero holds him at gunpoint [221-222]
BD Calhoun shoots him [242]
Sue Ellen, who shoots him [281]
Cally Harper's brothers threaten him after finding them in bed together [284]
Prison guards at the penal camp [285]
Boaz Harper after JR prepares to make a getaway [286]
Boaz and Japhet various times on the farm [287]
Boaz shoots at his getaway car [288]
A mobster forces him into a car [294]
JR himself, contemplating suicide [355]
JR himself, after his vision [356]
Carter McKay's henchman, who shoots at him once and then shoots him for real [WOTE]

- number of times we see JR on the Southfork balcony: 13

He watches Gary leave the ranch after saying goodbye to Val [7] - thanks to Kelly Richards for reminding me.
He watches Pam and Bobby fight [44]
He's looking down on Cliff and the dead woman in the pool [77]
He's looking down on Sue Ellen and Cliff dancing at the BBQ [89]
He reminisces about Jock [90]
He watches Pam leave Southfork after Rebecca's death [122]
He jumps over the balcony into the pool during the fire [132]
He watches Sue Ellen and Peter talk [136]
He overhears Sue Ellen and Peter discuss her pregnancy [153]
He talks to John Ross about the impending custody hearing [202]
He watches Dusty leave after talking to Sue Ellen [204]
He throws Sue Ellen her clothes after kicking her off the ranch [279]
He watches Cally leave the ranch only to see John Ross stop her [329]

Thanks to the Anti-Krebbs for reminding me of the last two.

- number of people seriously injured by people targeting JR: 4 [5]

Mickey Trotter was paralyzed because Walt Driscoll tried to run JR down [129]
Sue Ellen was caught by Angelica's exploding briefcase in JR's office [222 - in the dream]
Garrett Gordon was laid to rest by BD Calhoun as a message to JR [239]
Hillary Taylor was shot by Michelle Stevens, who was originally gunning for JR [354]
A limo driver in War of the Ewings was killed by a bomb intended to kill JR [WOTE]

- number of times JR lusts after sisters-in-law: 7

Admires Pam's assets and refers to her breasts as 'Buoys' [6]
Admires Pam in her new dress [12]
Admires Kristin's assets when she first comes to Dallas [20]
Takes some good looks at Pam in her new bathing suit [32]
Has an ongoing affair with Kristin [Season 2]
Threatens and hits on Pam in the same conversation [44]
Sleeps with Gary's wife Abby on Knots Landing

This was AHN Jason's idea.

- number of secretaries for JR: 9

Julie Grey
Susan [seen briefly in Episodes 5,9,11]
Louella Caraway
Kristin Shepard
Sly Lovegren
Jamie Ewing (temped while Sly was away)
Kendall Chapman (temped while Sly was away)
Jackie Dugan (temped while Sly was fired)
A new secretary at Weststar [WOTE]

- number of JR's secretaries who do NOT leave Ewing Oil on bad terms at one point or other: 2 [maybe 3]

Kendall
Jackie
possibly Susan [we never find out for sure]

- number of JR's secretaries that he does NOT sleep with: 4

Kendall
Jackie
possibly Susan [we never find out for sure]
Jamie [although he does ogle her once or twice]

Another set from Jason's ideas.

- number of times JR goes to Cliff's office: 10

To tell him he'll never take Sue Ellen away from him [20]
To get his loan extended [86]
To tell him he'll never take Sue Ellen away from him [97]
To talk about the Wellington land [100]
To buy his oil fields and gloat [101]
To invite Cliff to his wedding [113]
To plant a bug in his office [142]
To tell him that he was behind all of Cliff's drilling woes [161]
To steal some of his stationery [246]
To tell him that he's back in Dallas [JR Returns]

- number of women JR pledges to leave Sue Ellen for: 6

Kristin
Leslie Stewart
Marilee Stone
Holly Harwood [sort of - he seems to lose interest after their night together]
Mandy Winger
Kimberly Cryder

- number of confirmed times JR has sex with Sue Ellen: 22

In Episode 10, they conceive John Ross.
In Episode 59, they fight about Kristin's baby and then tumble onto the bed.
In Episode 60, they get together before dinner.
In Episode 62, Jock says they're taking a "nap".
In Episode 65, they get together before Lucy's bridal shower. [Thanks to Dave O for reminding me]
In Episode 109, after he confirms their wedding date
In Episode 113, before they get married
In Episode 114, they're on their honeymoon and Sue Ellen seems 'satisfied' twice
In Episode 139, Sue Ellen comes to his room because she's horny.
In Episode 164, JR catches his sweaty wife in the exercise room.
In Episode 168, it happens again.
In Episode 221, they get intimate after their reconciliation.
In Episode 222, JR comes to Sue Ellen's office for a nooner.
In Episode 242, they seem to get hot and heavy after the Calhoun incident.
In Episode 246, they have a positively carnal night and get together at least twice.
In Episode 247, they go at it again.
In Episode 254, it's twice as nice.
In Episode 255, they get real cozy. If they didn't have sex, Sue Ellen must be frigid.
In JR Returns, they spend the night together for old times' sake. [Again, thanks to Dave O]

- number of confirmed times JR has sex with Mandy: 13

Episodes 178, 189, 190, 191, 193, 199, 205, 206, 208, 209, 212, 223, 227

- number of confirmed times JR has sex with someone else: 52

In "Dallas: The Early Years", he lost his virginity.
In the backstory, he impregnated Vanessa Beaumont.
In the backstory, he impregnated Lee Ann de la Vega.
Episode 3: He's with Julie Grey
4: Wanda Frick
15: A blonde bimbo
16: Garnet McGee
18: With the bimbo again
20: The bimbo a third time for good measure.
21: Julie Grey again.
22: Julie twice
34: Kristin Shepard
40: Kristin
41: Kristin
43: Sally Bullock [unconfirmed, but quite probable]
45: Kristin
45: Serena Wald
49: Serena
50: Serena
53: Kristin
65: Louella Caraway [his secretary]
66: Afton Cooper
67: Afton again
68: Louella again
69: Afton again
77: Leslie Stewart
91: Serena
93: Marilee Stone
101: Marilee again
103: Marilee Stone again
119: Holly Harwood
125: Serena
126: Holly again
128: Holly again
147: Katherine Wentworth
150: Katherine again
155: Serena
158: Katherine again
176: Serena
201: Angelica Nero
205: Angelica again
239: April Stevens
240: April again
262: Kimberly Cryder
270: Kimberly again
277: Laurel Ellis
284: Cally Harper in Haileyville
297: Cally after their wedding
317: Cally three times.
318: Diana Farrington
319: Cally
319: Diana again
326: Serena
334: Crazy Anita
337: Crazy Anita again
339: Rose McKay
347: Sly
349: Carmen Esperanza
JR Returns: Anita Smithfield
WOTE: Anita Smithfield
Abby (Gary's wife; it took place on "Knots Landing"), twice

- JR's season-by-season scheme meter

Season 1: 4 wins, 8 losses, 1 tie.
Wins are in red, Losses in yellow, Ties in green

Pam sees through his setup [1]
Gary leaves Southfork [7]
Jenna is unable to split up Pam and Bobby [8]
Rita Briggs leaves town and Sue Ellen can't find her [10]
Ruins Cliff's election chances [13]
Splits up Ray and Garnet, but gets beat up for his trouble [16]
Strong-arms Cliff away from Sue Ellen [20]
Jobs to Bobby over the Red files [23]
Kristin is unable to distract Bobby away from Pam [24]
Leanne is unable to get Pam to leave Dallas [25]
Can't get Kit to marry Lucy [26]
Can't strong-arm Donna into supporting him [27]

Season 2: 12 wins, 1 loss, 2 ties.
Wins are in red, Losses in yellow, Ties in green

is unable to maintain the rift between Lucy and Valene [33]
is unable to get Sue Ellen to be interested in him, but carries on with Kristin.
successfully plots with Alan to get Cliff out of the OLM
torpedoes the Barnes for Congress campaign
comes out smelling like roses over the Asian Oil Lease deal
convinces Lucy that Alan hates him and she should have a relationship with him
messes up Rudy Millington's life and establishes his superiority over him [43]
is unable to stop Gary and Val from remarrying but they go to California, so it doesn't matter [43]
gets Pam promoted to strain her marriage [44]
ends up being John Ross's biological fatehr and avoids the scandalous fallout. [46]
creates a rift between Ray and Donna [47]
ends up causing Alan to lose both his relationships [49]
strongarms Sue Ellen's private detective and makes her look like a fool [50]
bilks Vaughn and the cartel members into buying the Asian leases and makes a killing [53]
shuts down Ewing 23 to stymie Cliff [54]

Season 3: 6 wins, 6 losses, 1 tie.
Wins are in red, Losses in yellow, Ties in green

Gets Franklin to delay Bobby's needed loan [57]
Gets Kristin out of the way without a scandal [59]
Along with Sally Bullock, tries to discredit Bobby's business sense with an insurance scam but fails [61]
Foils the extortionist's plan to get money from the Ewings, and discredits Bobby by having Ewing 23 burn up [63]
Tries to drive a wedge between Bobby and Jock by encouraging Jock to invest in Takapa, but Bobby is able to salavge the situation. JR does get back into Ewing Oil, though.
Fails to get in with a new cartel [67]
Successfully starts a counter-revolution to get the Asian wells back [69]
Convinces a senator not to allow Cliff to be nominated for senator [69]
Because he's smitten with Leslie, doesn't get into the lucrative strip mining deal with the cartel [70]
Makes an enemy out of Wendell by not being able to sell him Ewing Oil [74]
Is able to get out of the senate investigation scot-free [77]
Is unable to seduce Leslie until it doesn't matter [77]
Thanks to Pam, is unable to prevent John Ross from ending up with Sue Ellen [77]

Season 4: 4 wins, 9 losses, 3 ties.
Wins are in red, Losses in yellow, Ties in green

Is outwitted by Dusty and is unable to snatch John Ross from Sue Ellen when she comes to Dallas [79]
Can't convince Ellie to help him get John Ross [80]
Loses custody hearing because he doesn't know Dusty's impotent [81]
Has his power diminished by Jock's document dividing up the shares of Ewing Oil [85]
Is unable to convince Gary or Ray to give up their shares of Ewing Oil [85]
Is forced to sign away Ewing 6 to Cliff but gets it back later [87]
His scam to buy up all the Farlows' oil backfires [87]
Loses his divorce hearing and his son because of Ellie's threats [88]
Manages to stall the reading of Jock's will [92]
Gets back into the cartel thanks to Marilee [92]
Can't convince Cliff to take Wally's job offer [95]
Gets Ray to give up his voting shares [96]
Gets Sue Ellen to warm up to him but she turns cold thanks to Bobby [96]
With Marilee, gets Cliff to buy into the Wellington deal; kills his career but loses control of Ewing Oil in the process [99]
Gets Clayton out of Sue Ellen's romantic life [100]
Convinces Sue Ellen to remarry him but she is hesitant because of Cliff's suicide [103]
Tries to blackmail Bobby for his voting shares but it turns out he's not Christopher's father [103]

- JR's "Is that a fact?" meter: 29

19 - to a private investigator
22 - to Jeb and Willie Joe
25 - to the cartel members
27 - to Jock
34 - to Vaughn
43 - to the Bullocks
59 - to Harry Owens
60 - to Jock
63 - to Jock
67 - to Leslie
68 - to Louella
68 - to Leslie
69 - to Leslie
73 - to Donna
84 - to Jock
97 - to Katherine
97 - to Jordan
97 - to Lowell Greer
98 - to Lowell Greer
100 - to Bobby
112 - to Donna
123 - to Roy
126 - to Holly
131 - to Holly
136 - to Slater
141 - to Slater
149 - to McSween
155 - to Ellie
170 - to his PI
JR Returns - to Steve Grisham

Bobby

- number of times Bobby parks egregiously illegally: 21

In front of Jock's hospital in Episode 9.
In Episode 15, he parks in front of the Ewing building.
Three times in Episode 23 - he parks right in front of a courthouse; he parks right in front of a 'No Parking' sign; and then he parks right in front of the main terminal at DFW International Airport.
In Episode 31, he parks right in front of the main door of a government office.
In Episode 54, he parks right in front of the Ewing building.
In Episode 58, he parks right in front of the Ewing building.
In Episode 65, he parks right in front of the Ewing building.
In Episode 82, he blocks a fire engine and a police car in his haste to rescue Pam
In Episode 86, he quadruple-parks for no apparent reason.
In Episode 87, he parks over a crosswalk.
In Episode 91, he parks right on the busy street in front of the Ewing building. [picture]
In Episode 96, he parks in a yellow zone - no parking.
In Episode 238, he parks in front of the Ewing building.
In Episode 252, he parks right in front of the Dallas Memorial Hospital main entrance - twice.
In Episode 254, he's in the red zone again.
Yet again in Episode 255.
In Episode 331, he double-parks near a hotel entrance.
In Episode 349, he parks in front of a fire hydrant near the main entrance to LAX.

- number of times Bobby dials the wrong number of digits when phoning: 6

In Episode 91, Bobby dials either five or six numbers to call Ewing Oil
In Episode 96, he uses eight numbers to call Sue Ellen
In Episode 106, he dials only six numbers to call Harve Smithfield
In Episode 122, Bobby calls Katherine using only five numbers.
In Episode 258, he calls Lisa Alden using only five numbers.
In Episode 286, he makes a long distance call using only seven numbers.

- number of times Bobby is involved in rescuing a kidnapped or held person: 8

with a minor assist from Jock, rescues the family from Luther Frick [4]
single-handedly rescues Lucy from Willie Gust [12]
with an assist from Pam, retrieves John Ross from a disturbed nurse [31]
single-handedly rescues Lucy from Roger Larson [102]. Pam stood by and looked pretty.
along with JR and Ray, rescues Ellie from Jessica [161]
single-handedly retrieves Charlie from Naldo's accomplice in Los Angeles [177]
along with Ray, helps JR retrieve John Ross from Calhoun [241]
single-handedly arranges Jory Taylor's freedom from drug dealers [349]

- number of times Bobby channels the spirit of Bruce Lee: 6

Episode 25, when he and Ray rescue Kit Mainwaring from some toughs.
Episode 35, when he, Ray and Jock clean house at a Louisiana bar.
Episode 53, when he and Ray get a zonked Sue Ellen away from some of her new 'friends'.
Episode 229, when he spots Charlie with her doped-up friends.
Episode 245, when he single-handedly defeats three guys looking to get some money out of him.
War of the Ewings, when some guys try to get a peek up Sue Ellen's inappropriately short skirt.

- number of times Bobby is gimpy, insensitive, or both: 11

Episode 4: He ignores the dishevelled and humiliated Sue Ellen after her mistreatment by Luther Frick.
Episode 8: He ignores Pam's feelings when Jenna returns into his life.
Episode 65: He can't bring himself to have sex with Pam. [I couldn't believe this.]
Episode 88: He abstains from voting JR out of Ewing Oil.
Episode 117: He can't bring himself to tell Mark Graison to stay the hell away from his wife.
Episode 148: He tells Pam that he hasn't been home for a few nights, implying he's been with Jenna.
Episode 154: He refuses to cut Jenna any slack for her past, and doesn't realize that Pam still has feelings for him.
Episode 193: He ignores Sue Ellen, Lucy, Donna, and Valene in his will.
Episode 246: He is very subdued when he finds out that JR seriously messed up Mary Elizabeth's day.
Episode 290: He's upset at the decision to hire mercenaries to protect Southfork, after he suggests that something needs to be done.
Episode 318: He's insensitive to April after Kay's arrival on the Dallas scene.

- number of times Bobby threatens to tear someone apart [but doesn't]: 15

JR after he conspires with Ray to set up Pam [1]
A hall of records clerk who withholds information [11]
Dan Marsh when he tries to withhold information [23]
Cliff when he comes to the hospital to see Sue Ellen [29]
Cliff when he again tries to get in to the hospital [30]
JR when he bad-mouths Gary [43]
JR when he bad-mouths Pam [78]
JR when he again bad-mouths Pam [81]
Jeff Farraday when he demands more money [98]
JR for trying to blackmail him [103]
A supply distributor who withholds important equipment [112]
Cliff for interfering in his business and marriage [127]
Cliff when his shenanigans cause Pam undue pain [244]
Cliff after he gets a piece of Ewing Oil [247]
Jordan Lee in Paris [338]

- number of women Bobby sleeps with: 11

Pam
Jenna
April
Tracey Lawton
Tammy Miller
Kay Lloyd
Jeanne O'Brien
Annie Ewing [in JR's vision]
A showgirl [in JR's vision]
Julia Cunningham [JR Returns]
Jennifer Jantzen [WOTE]

- number of times Bobby is involved in a multi-combatant fight: 11

Along with Ray, gets into a fight and meets Kit Mainwaring [25]
Along with Ray, Jock, and JR, cleans out a bar full of Louisiana hicks [35]
Along with Ray, rescues drunk Sue Ellen from a bunch of horny cowboys [53]
The poolfight at JR and Sue Ellen's wedding [114]
Oil Baron's Ball 1984 where he lays the smackdown on Mark Graison [140]
Single-handedly takes care of Charlie's teenage punk friends [229]
Cleans house in a bar after meeting a guy who has information on Jack [245]
Takes on another bar after Pam disappears [257]
Along with Ray and some other Southfork ranch hands, takes on Fred Hughes and McKay's gang [287]
Holds his own with some Paris kidnappers [337]
Along with Ray, cleans house in a bar after Sue Ellen is propositioned [WOTE]

- number of times Bobby impersonates a policeman: 7

Examines hospital records to determine who may have kidnapped John Ross [31]
Goes undercover to sting Jeff Farraday's killers [101]
Examines hospital records to determine what happened to Kristin's baby [104]
Questions Andre Schuman about framing Jenna [190]
Breaks into and searches a nurse's home for information about Pam [256]
Investigates and questions the real Sheila Foley about her impersonator [342]
Instead of informing the police, takes it upon himself to investigate the trail of the drug dealers following Jory [348]

- number of times Bobby has a picnic with Pam: 0

- number of times Bobby has a picnic with someone else: 5

Jenna [8]
Jenna [47]
Katherine [140]
Jenna [156]
April [316]

- number of women who throw themselves at an oblivious Bobby: 4

Kristin [24]
Connie [66]
Katherine [Season 6]
April [Seasons 9 and 10]

- number of women who throw themselves at Bobby but get immediate smackdowns: 8

Faye the skanky kidnapper [18]
Marilee Stone [56]
Sally Bullock [60]
Wendy the call girl [120]
Diane, Serena's friend [135]
Holly Harwood [136]
Hillary Taylor [336]
Bootsie Ewing [356]

Cliff

- number of times Cliff is arrested: 2

on suspicion of the murder of Julie Grey in 1979.
for the attempted murder of Bobby in 1984
NOTE: Cliff is questioned in relation to several other matters, but not arrested.

- number of times Cliff's career and/or company jobs to a Ewing: 15

JR sabotages his first campaign for the Texas Senate [13]
With Alan Beam's help, JR sabotages his run for Congress [Season 2]
Because he loses the paternity suit for John Ross, has to stay out of the public spotlight [46]
When he finds that he is part owner of Ewing 23, JR shuts the field down [54]
Bobby gets Dave Culver's senate seat instead of him [70]
With Afton's help, JR and Harry sneak in and get his evidence about the Asian scandal, causing him to lose the case [76]
With Marilee's help, JR causes him to nearly bankrupt Wentworth Tool and Die [102]
Thanks to Pam, he loses the Canadian deal to Bobby [111]
Bobby forces him and the cartel to sell out their shares of the Wellington oil fields [118]
Thanks to Pam voting on Bobby's side, he loses his second shot at the Canadian deal [131]
Thanks to JR's manipulation, he bids too high for Gold Canyon 340 [153]
Thanks to Vaughn and JR, loses a lot of money, and the Keesey and Murphy fields, while drilling for oil at 340 [160]
Thanks to JR's manipulation, doesn't merge with Weststar [166]
Thanks to JR and Nathan Billings, loses money while his field is shut down for environmental investigation [186]
Thanks to Jack, loses his shot at controlling Ewing Oil because of JR's newly found information [190]
Thanks to Pam, is forced to pull out of his deal with Jordan Lee [229]

- number of times Cliff forgets he's a lawyer: 3

Doesn't know what a pre-nuptial agreement is [191]
Doesn't understand the implication of Jamie not officially filing for divorce [243]
Has to hire someone to write up a simple contract [354]

- number of times Cliff barges into Ewing Oil uninvited: 10

When he finds proof that Ed Haynes is a fraud [11]
When he finds the deed entitling him to half of Ewing 23 [54]
To tell JR he's heading a group to buy up his bank notes [86]
When he discovers the truth about Wally Hampton [96]
After he's purchased Gil Thurman's refinery [112]
When he finds out about Jamie's document [178]
When he finds out he's inherited from Jamie [244]
When he finds out that JR probably framed him for Jamie's murder [246]
When he finds out that the family is selling out Ewing Oil to JR [249]
To enlist Michelle in his plot to bring JR down [349]

- number of women Cliff sleeps with [for sure]: 13

Penny Ames [an old girlfriend who died of an illegal abortion - see Episode 13 for details]
Julie Grey [Episode 3]
Sue Ellen
Marilee Stone
Afton
Mandy
Jamie
Rose McKay
Liz Adams
An unnamed woman in Episode 240
Another unnamed woman in Episode 264
One more unnamed woman in Episode 350
Barbara Barnes [his wife in JR's vision]

- number of times Cliff is at Southfork: 25

For the 1951 Ewing Barbecue [Early Years]
To see Pam after he finds out the truth about Ed Haynes [11]
To obtain instructions from Bobby's kidnappers [18]
For a DOA information meeting [65]
He finds Kristin in the pool [77]
To visit Christopher and bother JR [88]
For the 1981 Ewing barbecue [89]
To attend JR and Sue Ellen's wedding [114]
For the 1982 Ewing barbecue [115]
For the 1983 Ewing barbecue [143]
For the 1984 Ewing barbecue [172]
For the 1985 Ewing rodeo [200]
For the 1986 Ewing barbecue [235]
When Parker Ellison comes over with news about Pam [256]
For the 1987 Ewing barbecue [263]
With Lisa Alden to apologize to Bobby [273]
To tell Bobby that Jordan saw Pam [281]
To take Christopher to lunch [285]
To attend JR and Cally's wedding [297]
To bring Christopher home [299] - thinks to Tuomas for reminding me.
With Afton to take Christopher fishing [305]
For Bobby and April's wedding [332]
To talk to Debra Lynn [353]
To tell Bobby he saw JR [JR Returns]
For JR's memorial service [JR Returns]

Idea by Joe.

- number of times Cliff eats Chinese food: 21

Orders take-out [22]
Gets take-out for Digger and himself [32]
Brings take-out home [75]
Leftover take-out with Rebecca and Katherine [95]
Is eating take-out [109]
Orders take-out and eats with Afton [117]
Tells Pam and Rebecca he has leftovers to offer Christopher [120]
Eats with Pam and Katherine [124]
Has some on the table when meeting with Pam and Katherine [131]
Eats reheated chow mein with Afton [145]
Orders take-out for a make-up meal with Mandy [164]
At a restaurant with Jamie [182]
Jamie brings take-out to his place [184]
Take-out [226]
Orders take-out but we're not sure whether it arrives or not [243]
April brings take-out to his place but he throws her out. [244] Safe to assume he ate it.
Orders take-out and eats with Michelle [311]
Brings home take-out to complement potato chips [331]
At a restaurant with Liz [332]
Take-out with Liz [339]
Orders take-out [345]

- number of college friends who show up to help Cliff: 3

Peter the media specialist [13]
Barry Lester the lawyer [46]
Dave Stratton the Weststar guy [73]

- number of times someone hits Cliff: 8

Bobby [29]
Sue Ellen [42]
JR at the poolfight [114]
JR at the Oil Baron's Ball [140]
JR at the Oil Barons' Club [183]
Mandy at the OBC [183]
JR at the barbecue [235]
April at the OBC [315]
Johnny Dancer [340]

Ray

- number of times Ray plays Barbara DeAngelis [the love doctor]: 6

Bobby consults him about his marital troubles with Pam [48]
Lucy talks to him about her travails with Mitch [61]
Mickey talks to him about Lucy [113]
Lucy again turns to him after losing Eddie Cronin [186]
Jack talks to him about how to proceed with Jenna [204]
Bobby talks to him about his troubles with Tracey [289]

- number of mainline female characters that Ray sleeps with while he is on the show: 5

Donna, before and while married.
Jenna, before and while married.
Pam, before she met Bobby.
Sue Ellen, one time when she's really horny and lonely [10]
Lucy, during her wild teenage days [but don't tell anyone].

- number of mainline female characters that Ray doesn't sleep with during his tenure: 2

Miss Ellie and April

This was AHN Jason's idea.

- number of episodes in which Ray is seen shirtless: 7

16, 27 [twice], 61, 107, 112, 114, 258

The Big Ramboski

- number of blondes who rebuff Jack Ewing: 4 [possibly 7]

April Stevens divorced him.
Jenna Wade ripped his heart out and showed it to him on a 8" x 10" glossy picture of Bobby.
His sister Jamie is pretty resentful of him when he first arrives in Dallas.
Marilee Stone asks him to dance at the Ewing victory party, but nothing else becomes of it. [191]
Grace of Marinos Shipping wouldn't even undress for him. [213]
He goes out with an unnamed blonde with whom he is never seen again [223]
He asks Jackie to go for a spin in his new convertible but she politely refuses [228]

- number of episodes in which we see Jack wearing briefs or shorts: 6

He's sleeping in his boxers when an intruder breaks in to his apartment [196]
He's lounging near a pool in Martinique [214]
He's shark-attacked by John Ross in the Southfork pool [218]
He's poolside when April first arrives in Dallas [228]
He's poolside while discussing business with JR [231]
Poolside again talking to April [233]

- the Jack Ewing stupid laugh meter: 127

Clayton

- number of times Clayton sings: 2

Serenades Ellie [241]
Sings at Bobby's bachelor party [332]

- number of women for whom Clayton is a father figure: 3

Sue Ellen
Jessica Montfort
Laurel Ellis

- number of brides given away by Clayton: 3

Sue Ellen
Jenna
Cally

The Phantom

Number of things the Phantom of Ewing Oil seems to be have been responsible for: 12

He locks the door after Kristin shoots JR because the cleaning woman has to unlock it when she finds him. (Season 3)
He covers the phones while Jamie discovers JR with Serena (7)
He minds Barnes Wentworth while Jackie and Pam are at lunch (7)
He doesn't call the police after he watches Katherine shoot Bobby [161]. But, having a change of heart, he allows Afton to connect with an operator by simply tapping the phone hook 3x (iwthout dialing zero)
He closes the door to Jenna and Naldo's hotel room after she is pulled in (177)
He alerts the police to Katherine hiding outside Pam's house in 191 so when Pam and Bobby wake up, there is no car accident.While he is at it, he tells Dusty to take a hike because Dusty is gone in Season 9
He lets Calhoun and Gordon into JR's office so Calhoun can kill him -(and maybe give him some company....) Season 9
He stretches Sue Ellen's spine so she is a whopping 3 inches taller in Season 8 (in detox) than in the video in Season 4
He covers for Jackie while she, Cliff and Pam are away from the office. (Season 9)
Convinces the DoJ dudes to leave some of the Ewing files in the office (250)
Covers for all four secretaries during lunch (290)

Again, thanks to Jason for counting.