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Sue Ellen

- number of men that Sue Ellen sleeps with, then tells "I'm not ready for a commitment": 4

Dusty, Cliff, Peter Richards, Clint Ogden. Unfortunately, she never slept with Jerry Kenderson, or he'd be fifth.

- number of times Sue Ellen falls off the wagon: 4

during her pregnancy with John Ross
after hearing about Dusty's death
after finding JR with Holly Harwood
after John Ross's emergency surgery

- number of times Sue Ellen jobs to a car: 4

she crashes into a pole after escaping the sanitarium [29]
Walt Driscoll slams into her as she speeds down Southfork lane [129]
she's hit by a car while exiting Jenna's boutique [150]
her car is stolen by an opportunistic thief [193]

- number of times Sue Ellen throws something at JR: 7

throws a glass at him when he visits her in the sanitarium [29]
throws a perfume bottle at him when he has their room searched [51]
throws a diamond necklace back at him when she learns he's the father of Kristin's child [96]
throws a drink in his face after finding him with Holly Harwood [129]
throws a bottle of wine at him after her car accident [131] [picture]
his jacket [224]
throws a pillow at him to wake him up [WOTE]

- number of times a private investigator in a Sue Ellen storyline is hopelessly incompetent: 4

Tom Fuller was hired by Sue Ellen to find dirt on JR but eventually sold out to him [50]
A guy named Appleton was hired by Dusty to follow Sue Ellen but he was caught [67]
Carl Huckstead, that hopeless bumbling fool, was easily nabbed by JR and Harry McSween while he was following Mandy [226]
Alan Bodine was hired to find John Ross at his private school but asked too many questions, causing JR to be alerted [281]

- number of times Sue Ellen defends JR to someone: 11

tells Bobby that she thinks JR should be the one running Ewing Oil [60]
tells Clayton that she's on JR's side during the battle for Ewing Oil [109]
tells Pam that JR is just defending his interests in the battle for Ewing Oil [113]
stands up for JR during an argument about the battle for Ewing Oil [129]
tells Pam that she should stop bad-mouthing JR for all the hurt he's done to Cliff [164]
defends JR to Jamie when she sees him with Serena [174]
tells Pam that JR wouldn't send her on a wild goose chase for Mark Graison [183]
tells Pam that JR is really a wonderful father and she's found new love for him [220]
tells Pam that JR never meant to hurt anyone by getting involved with BD Calhoun [241]
tells Pam again that JR is not wholly to blame for the BD Calhoun incident [243]
again tells Pam that JR is not wholly to blame for the Calhoun thing [248]

- number of confirmed sleeping partners for Sue Ellen: 8

JR
Cliff
Ray [Episode 10]
Dusty
Clint Ogden
Peter Richards
Nicholas Pearce
Don Lockwood

- number of times Sue Ellen knowingly drinks while pregnant: 16

She and JR toast the pregnancy with champagne [15]
She drinks continually in the livingroom in Episode 18
Booze in bed [23]
More booze in bed [24]
Clearly drunk at the end of Episode 25
She's blatantly hung over in Episode 26
She's smashed at breakfast [27]
She drinks at the dinner party [27]
She drinks before the DOA meeting [27]
She drinks at the DOA meeting [27]
Drinks JR's liquor cabinet dry at Ewing Oil [28]
Gets drunk at home [28]
Downs a hidden liquor bottle [28]
Exchanges a pearl necklace for wine [29]

- The Sue Ellen denial meter: 21

denies her night with Ray [10]
denies that the Ewings aren't a normal family [15]
denies that she has a drinking problem [28]
denies drinking problem [29]
denies her marital problems are deeper than she thinks [29]
denies that there's anything wrong with her to Bobby [29]
denies she had a drinking problem [30]
denies she had an affair with Cliff [30]
denies hiding from the world after John Ross is born [30]
denies hiding from the world [39]
denies having a meaningful conversation with JR [42]
denies tearing up Dusty's apartment after his death [52]
TWICE denies understanding what Kristin is talking about when she mentions the night JR was shot [55]
denies having caused her car accident [56]
denies being an alcoholic [56]
denies being violent, despite the fact that she thinks she shot JR [56]
tells Alicia Ogden she doesn't understand what they have to talk about [75]
tells JR she doesn't know what he's talking about when he mentions her rescue of Peter [141]
denies avoiding Peter [141]
denies having seen Peter to Lucy [144]
says she doesn't know what JR is talking about when he mentions how fond she seems of Peter [148]

- number of times Sue Ellen is unwilling to make a commitment: 17

to Dusty in 38, 39, 47, and 48
to Clint in 68, 69, 71, 73, 74, and 75
to men in general in 92 and 94
to JR in 96
to Cliff in 97 and 99, and 100
to Jerry in 218

- number of times Sue Ellen thinks JR has changed: 5

Episode 95, 96, 103 twice, 115

- number of times Sue Ellen manages to avoid being sexually compromised: 7

Episode 4: Luther Frick is more in the mood for singin' than lovin'.
Episode 37: JR forces her on to their bed at the rodeo but she fights back.
Episode 52: Bobby and Ray rescue her from "Dusty" and his drunk horny friends.
Episode 91: Tom Plintoff leaves her alone after convincing himself that she'll be after him sooner or later.
Episode 112: She manages to keep her goodies away from Gil Thurman.
Episode 192: After a wicked bender, she ends up in a hotel room with a guy who'd rather have her diamond ring than her virtue.
Episode 239-240: BD Calhoun apparently doesn't have her way with her, preferring to play head games with JR.

Pamela

- number of times Pam wears that sweet foldover dress: 7

Episodes 51, 52, 54, 60, 68, 77 and 78

- number of times Pam stupidly blurts out a secret: 9

She tells JR about Cliff's girlfriend who died tragically [13]
She tells Cliff where Sue Ellen is having lunch [32]
She tells the family about Ellie's surgery [38]
She tells Cliff who Sue Ellen's psychiatrist is [41]
She tells JR she knows that Cliff might be John Ross's father [44]
She tells JR about Cliff and Donna's affair [62]
She tells Cliff the truth about their mother [74]
She tells Jenna that Bobby proposed to her before he died [215]
She tells Cliff that the Ewings are interested in purchasing Macarthur Mining [240]

- number of weddings for Pam: 3 [4]

Ed Haynes (annulled)
Bobby in 1978
Mark in 1986 [the dream...]
Bobby in 1986

This was AHN Jason's idea too. She's had the most weddings on the show.

- number of episodes in which Pam is married to Bobby: 165
- number of episodes in which Pam is estranged* from Bobby: 55
Note: A 3 to 1 ratio. Didn't it really seem like the other way around?
* The definition of 'estranged' here is: Pam and Bobby are both alive and living in Dallas but are neither married nor engaged to each other.

- number of clairvoyant visions in Pam's dream: 8

A drifter that looks just like Steve Forrest comes to Southfork and has an interest in Ellie and Jock's family
Clayton sells off his refineries
Clayton and Ray go in the cutting horse business
Jack gets a red sports car
Ewing Oil is threatened by lowering oil prices
Ellie drops the Donna Reed look and goes through another plastic surgery
JR buys Mandy the new apartment with the hot tub
Christopher has a growth spurt and turns from Eric Farlow into Joshua Harris

Thanks to AHN Jason for this idea.

- number of extramarital affairs for Pam: 0

How boring.

- number of times Pam tells Cliff "You're my brother and I love you but...": 1

When Cliff is still in a funk after his suicide attempt [105]

- number of times Pam is someone's maid of honor: 3

When Donna marries Ray
When Sue Ellen marries JR
When Jamie marries Cliff

- number of times Pam referred to as "strong" or "a fighter": 3

After the Leanne Reese incident [25]
By Ray [48]
Bobby claims she tackles problems head on [232]

- number of times Pam smacks someone: 4

Sue Ellen [14]
JR [131]
Katherine [160]
JR [235]

Miss Ellie

- number of times Ellie is vacationing and misses the cliffhanger moment: 6

Season 3: She's in Paris with Jock when Kristin is found in the pool.
Season 5: She's at Takapa resort with Clayton when Southfork bursts into flames.
Season 6: She and Clayton are on their honeymoon when Bobby is shot.
Season 10: She's in Florida vacationing with Mavis when JR is shot.
Season 12: She's cruising the Orient with Clayton when JR gets himself committed.
Season 13: She's been in Europe all season, while JR gets depressed and [maybe] shoots himself.

- number of plastic surgeries for Ellie: 2

Sleeping with Clayton inspired her to become Donna Reed, and Bobby's death brought her back to the more sensible garb of Barbara Bel Geddes.

- number of unlikely boyfriends for Ellie: only 3 [Thank goodness!]

Matt Devlin, Frank Crutcher, and Wes Parmalee.

- number of times we see Ellie riding a bike: 10

The stationary bike [80]
Ellie rides a real bike to get the mail [85]
Ellie rides the stationary bike [97]
The stationary bike again [105]
The stationary bike outside [109]
A real bike to get the mail [115]
The stationary bike in the exercise room [130]
The stationary bike in the exercise room [145]
The stationary bike in the exercise room [154]
The stationary bike in the exercise room [258]

- number of times we see Ellie in her garden: 6

23 [sort of], 194, 196, 208, 222, and 316

- number of times Ellie drives somewhere: 22

To see Dr. Danvers about her breast lump [35]
To see Dr. Danvers about her surgery [38]
To meet with Digger after her surgery [39]
To meet with Matt Devlin [51]
To see Lincoln Hargrave about divorcing Jock [74]
To attend JR and Sue Ellen's divorce hearing [88]
To visit Sue Ellen [99]
To Donna and Ray's house [102]
To have lunch with Frank Crutcher [110]
To see Brooks Oliver about breaking Jock's will [116]
To Clayton's hotel [129]
To Pam house to allow John Ross to play with Christopher [198]
To visit Franklin Horner about arranging a line of credit [209]
* To meet Wes Parmalee at the museum [232]
* To see Ray and ask him to arrange another meeting with Parmalee [233]
* To see Clayton at Ray's house [234]
* To met Parmalee again [234]
* To see Clayton at Ray's house [235]
To go to Ewing Oil and talk to JR and Bobby [248]
* To see Clayton at the stables [252]
* To yell at Clayton again [253]
* To see Lucas since Jenna's too lazy to bring him over [260]
To have lunch with Mavis and go to Clayton's office [271]
* To confront McKay about his troublemaking [288]

NOTE: In only the starred situations do we actually SEE Ellie driving, but the other ones are also quite likely because she arrived at all of these places alone. In some cases, it's possible she took a cab.

- number of times Ellie visits her twin grandchildren in Knots Landing: 0

Very peculiar for a proud grandmother.

- number of times someone says "Damn it, Ellie!": 4

Jock when he learns that Bobby and JR may have perished in a plane crash [14]
Clayton after she considers postponing their wedding [161]
Clayton during the Wes Parmalee intrigue [235]
Clayton after the Wes Parmalee intrigue [236]

- number of times Ellie goes into a "Stop it!" tirade: 5

When JR and Bobby fight over Pam's supposed betrayal of the family [3]
When Bobby and Ray get into an argument [80]
When JR and Bobby argue about business [113]
During the poolfight at JR and Sue Ellen's wedding [114]
When JR and Bobby fight [254]

- number of times Ellie comes to Ewing Oil: 9

To meet with Jock for lunch [21]
To sign the documents allowing drilling on Southfork [41]
To meet with Gary and Valene [43]
To lay the smackdown on Cliff, Vaughn, and the cartel [88]
To tell JR that Sue Ellen fell off the wagon [191]
To berate JR and Bobby for losing Ewing Oil [248]
During Jeremy Wendell's sting [291]
To find out information about Jock's first oil strike [310]
To give JR Jock's wartime letter [316]

- Ellie's bad advice meter: 5

advises Sue Ellen to do whatever it takes to save her marriage, even if it means adopting a child [10]
tells Jock that "He said what he had to say" when he refused to let Valene come to the ranch for Lucy's birthday [12]
tries to get Gary to see how wonderful it would be to live close to home again [56]
tells Pam her new poodle hairdo is good [68]
encourages Sue Ellen to remarry JR [104]

- number of times that Ellie plays the piano: 3

In Episode 87, she plays a very off-key Dallas theme.
In Episode 118, she plays it again before berating the family.
Episode 227

- number of times the family conspires to keep something from Ellie: 3

Lucy's drug problem [28]
The Southfork fire [132]
Bobby's temporary blindness [163]

Jenna

- number of plastic surgeries for Jenna: 2

She had one between 1978 and 1980 which turned her from Morgan Fairchild into Francine Tacker; and then another between 1980 and 1983 which turned her into the glamorous Priscilla Presley.

- number of episodes in which we see Jenna, married to Bobby: 0

- number of episodes in which we see Jenna, married to Naldo: 2

- number of episodes during which Jenna is the owner of her boutique: 98
- number of episodes in which we see Jenna working at her boutique: 9

- number of guys that Charlie actively recruits as a partner for Jenna: 4

Bobby, Naldo, Jack, and Ray.

Thanks to AHN Joe S for this idea.

- number of major plot inconsistencies introduced by Jenna: 7

In her first appearance [Episode 8], Charlie doesn't know who her father is. In her second appearance [45], Charlie is visiting her father in Rome.
After being qualified for little more than a Congressman's sex toy [8], Jenna somehow manages to become senior editor of a fashion magazine [45]
In her first appearance, Jenna virtually admits that Bobby is not Charlie's father. In her third incarnation, this angle is rehashed and everyone conveniently forgets Jenna's admission.
After having visited her father in Rome [45], Charlie has conveniently lost all memory of him during Jenna's third stint.
After being editor of a fashion magazine [45], Jenna is forced to take a lowly waitressing job.
Tells Sue Ellen that she's always felt a child needs both its parents [163], but never told Charlie about her real father.
Tells Sue Ellen that she's always felt a child needs both its parents [163], but stomps all over Bobby's parenting rights after she becomes pregnant with his child.

- number of confirmed sleeping partners for Jenna: 4

Bobby
Naldo
Ray
Maynard Anderson [Episode 8]

Lucy

- number of times Lucy and Mitch fight and then make up [or vice-versa]: 11

They meet in Episode 56 and Lucy gets mad at Mitch's curt treatment of her. In 57 he apologizes.
In 57 they have another argument and in 58 Lucy buys him some medical books to make up for it.
In 60 Lucy throws a snob pool party making Mitch uncomfortable, and he gets mad. In 61 he apologizes.
In 63 they have another fight and make up [all in one episode!]
In 65 Mitch gets mad at all of the extravagant wedding gifts that come with strings attached, and in 66 they make up and get married.
In 70 Lucy gets a maid without asking, and in 71 Lucy becomes Miss Young Dallas and gets some money on her own, so they make up and decide to renew the service.
In 72 Mitch gets mad about jobbing to Lucy's modeling career, and in 74 he apologizes after calming down.
In 76 Mitch gets mad about Lucy's late hours, they reconcile after meeting at a party in 83.
In 94, Lucy gets mad when she find him with Evelyn Michaelson; they become amicable in 99 though they agree to divorce.
They remarry in Episode 191 but by 1988 they've grown apart again and Lucy returns to Southfork.
By 1996, Lucy has gone back to him, as indicated in JR Returns.

- number of meaningful relationships for Lucy: 2

Mitch Cooper
Mickey Trotter

- number of stupid relationships for Lucy: 8

Ray Krebbs
Some horny dumbass in Episode 21
Kit Mainwaring [not entirely her fault]
Alan Beam
Greg Forrester
Roger Larson
Eddie Cronin
Casey Denault

- number of times Lucy leaves a man's house or apartment in tears: 3

After getting dumped by Kit [27]
After getting dumped by Alan [45]
After finding Mitch with Evelyn [94]

Donna

- number of times Donna's success emasculates Ray: 7

When she receives her inheritance from Sam Culver [Season 2]
Her lobbying career which makes him feel out of place [Season 2 and 3]
Her smash-hit book writing career [Season 4]
Her energy commission job [Season 6]
Her successful oil company [Season 7]
Her work with the Woodgrove kids [Season 8]
Her lobbying job in Washington [Season 9]

- number of marriages for Donna: 3

Sam Culver
Ray Krebbs
Andrew Dowling

Thanks to AHN Jason for these ideas.

- number of times Donna is at Southfork for no reason: 6

In 83, comes over with Ray, talks to Bobby who leaves, and drinks coffee.
In 84, comes over with Ray, jaws at JR, then leaves.
In 89, comes over, takes Ellie and Lucy away.
In 114, Donna and Ray are mooching food for no reason.
In 117, they're over for drinks just so Ray can smack JR.
In 123, she comes over to mooch coffee.

April

- number of men April hits on during her first two weeks on the show: 5

JR, Cliff, Jeremy, Jack [sort of], Wes Parmalee

- number of times we see April working at her restaurant: 4

255, 260, 266, 279

- number of times we see April at Southfork: 9

Pam and Bobby's wedding [231] - thanks to Tuomas from Finland for reminding me.
The 1986 Ewing barbecue [235]
JR and Cally's wedding [297]
After receiving menacing phone calls [307-310]
For dinner [329]
For a bridal shower [332]
For her wedding [332]
In a Bobby vision [346]
In another Bobby vision [347]

Cally

- Cally's "reckon" meter: 9

- Number of times we see Cally painting: 6

294, 296, 308, 312, 313, 320