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The DALLAS Tote Board:

The tote board is designed to keep track of stupid things that repeatedly happen on DALLAS. It's designed to be a lot of fun for DALLAS lovers. This is always under construction and will be modified heavily in the coming days as I look back over the summary pages. If you have a category that we should 'tote', e-mail us.

Many thanks to all the AHNs who helped out, especially Joe S, Jason, and Dave.

Quick Links to the pages: The Guys | The Gals | Miscellaneous | Around the House

New categories are marked in green below. Updated categories are in blue.

The Guys:

JR

- number of times JR is hit by someone
- number of times JR does the hitting

-
number of times JR ends up in the pool [without a bathing suit]
-
number of times JR is in 'the fight of his life'
-
number of times someone points a gun at JR
- number of times we see JR on the Southfork balcony
- number of people seriously injured by people targeting JR
- number of times JR lusts after sisters-in-law
- number of secretaries for JR
- number of JR's secretaries who do NOT leave Ewing Oil on bad terms at one point or other
- number of JR's secretaries that he does NOT sleep with
- number of times JR goes to Cliff's office

- number of women JR pledges to leave Sue Ellen for
- number of confirmed times JR and Sue Ellen have made love
- number of confirmed times JR and Mandy have made love

- number of times there is significant evidence that JR and someone else have made love
- JR's season-by-season scheme meter
- JR's "Is that a fact?" meter

Bobby

- number of times Bobby parks egregiously illegally
- number of times Bobby dials more or less than seven digits when phoning
- number of times Bobby is involved in rescuing a kidnapped person
- number of times Bobby channels the spirit of Bruce Lee
- number of times Bobby is gimpy, insensitive, or both
- number of times Bobby threatens to tear someone apart [but doesn't]
- number of confirmed sleeping partners for Bobby
- number of times Bobby is involved in a multi-combatant fight
- number of times Bobby impersonates a policeman

- number of times Bobby goes on a picnic with Pam
- number of times Bobby goes on a picnic with someone else
- number of women who throw themselves at an oblivious Bobby
- number of women who throw themselves at Bobby but get immediate smackdowns

Cliff

- number of times Cliff is arrested
- number of times Cliff's career and/or company jobs to a Ewing
- number of times Cliff forgets he's a lawyer
- number of times Cliff barges into Ewing Oil uninvited
-
number of confirmed liaisons for Cliff
- number of times Cliff is at Southfork
- number of times Cliff eats Chinese food

- number of college friends who show up to help Cliff
- number of times Cliff is hit by someone

Ray

- number of times Ray plays Barbara DeAngelis [the love doctor]
- number of mainline female characters that Ray sleeps and doesn't sleep with while he is on the show
- number of episodes in which Ray is seen shirtless

Jack

- number of blondes who rebuff Jack Ewing
- number of episodes in which we see Jack wearing briefs or shorts
- the Jack Ewing stupid laugh meter

Clayton

- number of times Clayton sings
- number of women for whom Clayton is a father figure
- number of brides given away by Clayton

The Phantom

- number of things the Phantom of Ewing Oil seems to be responsible for


The Gals:

Sue Ellen

- number of men that Sue Ellen sleeps with, then tells "I'm not ready for a commitment"
- number of times Sue Ellen falls off the wagon
- number of times Sue Ellen jobs to a car

- number of times Sue Ellen throws something at JR

- number of times a private investigator in a Sue Ellen storyline is hopelessly incompetent
- number of times Sue Ellen defends JR to someone
- number of confirmed liaisons for Sue Ellen
- number of times Sue Ellen knowingly drinks while pregnant
- Sue Ellen's denial meter
- Sue Ellen's unable to commit meter
- Sue Ellen's "JR has really changed" meter
- number of times Sue Ellen is able to avoid being sexually compromised

Pamela

- number of times Pam wears that foldover dress
- number of times Pam stupidly blurts out a secret
- number of weddings for Pam
-
number of episodes in which Pam is married to or estranged from Bobby
- number of clairvoyant facts predicted by Pam's dream
- number of extramarital affairs for Pam
- number of times Pam tells Cliff "You're my brother and I love you but..."
- number of times Pam is a maid of honor
- number of times Pam is referred to as "strong" or "a fighter"
- number of times Pam smacks someone

Miss Ellie

- number of times Ellie is vacationing and misses the cliffhanger moment
- number of plastic surgeries for Ellie
- number of unlikely boyfriends for Ellie

- number of times we see Ellie riding a bike
- number of times we see Ellie tending her garden
- number of times Ellie drives somewhere                                           
- number of times Ellie visits her twin grandchildren in Knots Landing
- number of times someone says, "Damn it, Ellie!"
- number of times Ellie goes into a "Stop it!" tirade
- number of times Ellie is at Ewing Oil
- Ellie's bad advice meter
- number of times Ellie plays the piano
- number of times the family conspires to keep something from Ellie

Jenna

- number of plastic surgeries for Jenna
- number of episodes in which we see Jenna, married to Bobby

- number of episodes in which we see Jenna, married to Naldo
- number of episodes during which Jenna is the owner of her boutique
- number of episodes in which we see Jenna actually working at her boutique

- number of guys that Charlie actively recruits as a partner for Jenna
- number of major plot inconsistencies introduced by Jenna
- number of confirmed liaisons for Jenna

Lucy

- number of times Lucy and Mitch fight and then make up
- number of meaningful relationships for Lucy
-
number of stupid relationships for Lucy
- number of times Lucy leaves a man's place in tears

Donna

- number of times Donna's success emasculates Ray
- number of marriages for Donna
- number of times Donna is at Southfork for no reason

April

- number of men April hits on during her first two weeks on the show
- number of times we see April working at her restaurant
- number of times we see April at Southfork


Miscellaneous

- number of times someone other than Bobby dials the wrong number of digits when phoning
-
number of times a Ewing Oil or JRE computer has a mind of its own
-
number of times the media seems too interested in Ewing affairs
- number of times someone has to be sedated

- number of people who are believed to be dead but return
- number of times someone manages to get into someone's private room
-
number of gratuitous pool scenes
- number of times Jackie displays big-time incompetence
- number of shows that use a 'dream' angle after DALLAS
- number of times we see some one put on a seat belt                 
- number of Dallas actresses who posed for Playboy
- number of Dallas actresses who have done nude scenes in other works
- number of Dallas actors who have done nude scenes in other works
- number of things that explode on screen
- number of serious vehicular accidents
- number of links between Dallas and South Park
- number of times Christopher mentions his adoption

- number of times Jeremy Wendell laughs audibly
- number of confirmed mental hospital visits

- number of confirmed non-psychiatric hospital visits
-
number of times Christopher suffers parental tragedy
- number of times we see characters eating fast food 
- the Nicholas Pearce gaudy sweater meter
- Cally's "reckon" meter

- the Carter McKay instant tantrum meter
- the abandoned Lucas meter
- number of people who are mistakenly believed to be Jock Ewing
- number of funerals seen on-screen
- number of characters who buy children [or try to]

- number of times we see characters smoking on screen
- number of times a door is broken down
- number of times a Barnes or Ewing employee is a turnstile
- number of Dallas personalities who have done TV endorsements
- number of times Punk Anderson is mentioned before he is seen
- number of times Afton sings
- number of episodes in which Andy Bradley speaks

The Cast

- number of characters who appeared on both Dallas and Knots Landing
-
number of characters who have appeared in each season of Dallas
- number of actors/actresses who left the show and returned
- number of actors/actresses for whom art imitated life
-
number of children of mainline actors/actresses who appeared on the show

-
number of characters who appear in both the first and second-last episodes
- number of Emmy nominations and wins for Dallas
- number of best actor/best actress nominations and wins for Dallas
- number of episodes in which Gary and Valene Ewing appear on Dallas

Special Events

- number of "annual" Ewing barbecues during the 13-year series run
- number of "annual" Ewing rodeos during the 13-year series run and number won by Dusty Farlow
- number of "annual" Oil Baron's Balls during the 13-year series run
- number of Oil Baron's Balls attended by Jock Ewing
- number of Oil Baron's Balls in which the Jock Ewing memorial scholarship is presented
- number of Oil Baron's Balls in which the Willard Barnes memorial scholarship is presented
- number of times the Oil Man of the Year is announced

Imponderables

- number of premises that are drastically altered due to cast changes and plot twists
- number of times the Ewings actually get personal security
- number of times the Ewings mention personal security that doesn't exist


Around the House:

The Boardroom

- number of people, unrelated by blood to Jock and Ellie Ewing, who control part of Ewing Oil at some point
- number of times the cartel members suffer financially because of a Ewing
- number of times the cartel members swear they'll never do business with Ewing Oil [but do anyway]
- number of times the cartel members swear they'll never do business with Cliff [but do anyway]

- number of businesses/enterprises that mysteriously disappear at the hands of the Ewing women
- number of times Franklin Horner is enthusiastic about giving Ewing Oil a loan
- number of times Ewing Oil has trouble with the banks
- number of times Ewing Oil visitors actually wait in the outer office
- number of Ewing women who, despite knowing nothing about the oil business, control a significant portion of a company

The Bedroom

- number of pregnancies conceived during the series run
- number of times a pregnant woman has an accident

- number of women who slept with both JR and Cliff
- number of times Marilee Stone is egregiously horny
- number of Ewing brides who slept with more than one of Jock's sons
- number of couples who divorce and remarry
- number of couples who divorce

- number of JR's partners in crime who hit on Bobby

The Courtroom

- number of times someone is kidnapped or knowingly held against their will
- number of episodes in which we see men perpetrate violence against women [or attempt to]
- number of murder trials during the series run
- number of characters who were shot by a jealous sister-in-law in a cliffhanger
- number of times the jealous sister-in-law dies as part of the next season's cliffhanger

The Ranch

- number of weddings that take place at Southfork during the series run
- minimum number of bedrooms at Southfork before the 1983 fire [excluding servants]
- minimum number of bedrooms at Southfork after the 1983 fire [excluding servants]

- number of times we see family members working out in the Southfork exercise room
- number of times the Ewings should seriously consider personal trainers


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