Nitpicks [88-89 Season]

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Episode 308: Phantom of the Oil Rig

Bonehead Dialogue of the Day: [courtesy of Kyle]

>Cally: "Hurry up, JR! It's [the water] getting cold!"
Oh brother...how EXACTLY is the water getting cold, Cally? It's a freaking shower! Just turn up the hot water!!! Dumb...

[courtesy of Jake]
>Bobby (to April and her sister): "Obviously you two know each other."
OBVIOUSLY!

Angelica Award: I'd have to say Bobby wearing jeans to the office. Not much to pick from. Lucy's psychedelic look came close.

- Can't help noticing that Bobby's again making the bold fashion statement of wearing jeans to work. What CEO does this in real life? Give me a break.

- It's quite evident why Bobby is so hostile to the returning Tommy McKay, but why is Phyllis so mean to him? Has Bobby talked to her about April's nasty phone calls? I find that hard to believe.

- There's a continuity blip when JR and Cally are walking down the stairs. First, JR has his arm around his wife's waist, and then after a cut they are holding hands.

- There's also some bad continuity during Michelle's scene. During the wide shots, her red shirt is wide open, revealing a yellow top underneath; during the close-ups, the yellow shirt is not visible.

- When Tommy and Boomer are discussing strategy, they walk right through the outfield of a ballgame in progress. Maybe it's just a practice or something, but the kids are wearing uniforms so it looks like it's serious business. So why doesn't someone tell them to get the heck off the field?

From Dan Johnson:

- Now we are back to Lorimar Television being shown after the closing credits.  Looks like Worldvision demanded and got a refund.  That didn't take very long.  Just shows that we are all correct...the episodes are pretty bad compared to the good old days. Good analysis.

- "Last On Dallas' faux pas:  At the beginning of today's episode, during the 'last on Dallas' scenes, the one showing SE telling JR about her movie of him is different than the actual scene shown last Thursday...last Thursday SE never said "don't forget, I'll be back" like it showed her saying today.

AHN Kyle's corner:

- [Bonehead Move of the Day, sorry Rob]: Heaven forbid that Bobby should actually STAY with JR on the coast...that could actually result in Bob NOT getting screwed over for once. This is getting tiresome... Very much so. Only, as you can see, it's not working out quite as expected for good ol' JR.

- I know Carter McKay might be blinded by his love for his son, but come on! It's been like a month, two tops, and we're supposed to believe that Tommy is a changed man. That's incredibly stupid!. I guess Carter was one of the guys that believed Mike Tyson was a changed man, too. I bet he did. Very stupid.

- Whoa! Now I understand why Tommy knows so much about the oil business. He was picking Tracey's brain! And we all know what a veritable font of wisdom she is. Heck, she read 'Oil Business for Dummies' (maybe even twice). I agree. This is just stupid.

- Seeing Michelle Stevens got me thinking about April and her (not so) newfound wealth. Has there ever been any indication that she's attempted to do anything for her parents (maybe just her mom)? I don't think so. Come to think of it, this is strange... Yes it is. Of course, the writers only gave her a real (non-phone) family now.

AHN Jason's corner:

- The Phantom strikes again!!!   He unlocks the front door of Ewing Oil so Tommy can come in to talk to Bobby....  (By the way, he also covered so all four secretaries could go to that birthday party thing early last season when Tammy met Cliff.) I think Tommy picked the lock, but this is possible.

- Also I noticed that they had no problem showing Sue Ellen footage this season, even though she is gone...  Like last season, when they showed old Ray footage even though he had gone (for a while anyways..) but no Jenna... I guess if you leave on hard terms like VP and PP, they want to forget you, while the 'loyal' actors  (LG and SK) get to be remembered in the following season's premiere... While I agree with your analysis, I think this has less to do with friendliness than with [surprise!] contractual obligations. I have read things which strongly implied [but did not state outright] that when Victoria left the show, she stipulated that if the producers wanted to use her face again, they would have to pay her royalties for it. It's quite possible that Priscilla had a similar clause in her contract, while Linda and Steve might have foregone this. However, what you mentioned probably had a lot to do with it, too. Larry and Linda were very close; so were Larry and Steve. So Hagman might not have minded paying them.

- I noticed A LOT of guest cast members were credited but AWOL...  Dora Mae, Debbie, Sly, and Jordan Lee...  this suggests at least two scenes were cut today by TNN...   good to see some things never change... (snicker) I snicker with you.

- The curse of the new season hair do's is tough this season for a couple of reasons....First, with Sue Ellen and Afton not around, this cuts off two repeat offenders. Secondly, supporting cast like the secretaries (Phyllis, Kendall and Jackie) were seen at least 2 to 3 Dallas days ago, so it is possible to explain away their minor hair do changes...Kendall looks to have lost some weight though..  Cally and Lucy also look slightly different but explainable.  April's looks very slightly diffferent, like it was curled differently... but nothing major...  Too bad Sly's scene was cut, I bet her tom-boy cut had grown out a bit.. I actually suspect that much of the footage was shot last season. April is actually wearing the same outfit as last time, which is quite surprising.

- How would Ratagan know what the film looked like?  He didn't see, yet he seems to discard films very fast as he glances through them... I think he's just humoring JR.

- Cliff seems to make instant coffee for his PI, but he fills it will tap water.. Must be very hot tap water...this could explain why Cally's shower seems to get cold awfully fast.... Good one. Didn't notice.

- Harrison Van Buren beat up two guys...  yeah that is believable...  I could see with Cliff b/c his back was to him, but two guys in a drunken brawl...  sure... They might have been more drunk than he was.

- April has two bedrooms.. since when?  She has always lived alone in that apartment..  Oh,  maybe for when all of her friends come to visit. Must be. [snicker]

- Shelley didn't seem to call back to April when she announced she was home.. I found that weird.  And she didn't scream when Bobby pushed her to the floor. Very convenient on both ends. I don't know why she didn't call back to her sister. Knowing the Stevens sisters, I can understand why she didn't mind a roll on the floor with the Bob-man.

- There appears to be another maid in the Southfork dining room when JR and Cally are talking in the parlor.  I assumed b/c the producers were going to give Theresa the day off, but then we see Theresa later announcing the call for "Mr. Jock". I couldn't really tell about this...I seem to recall more hired help in the final seasons for some reason.

- JR's last line on the oil rig looked badly dubbed. He must have been hanging around the Russians too long. That was truly pathetic.

AHN Jake's corner:

- Exactly how much time has passed since Thursday's episode?  Did J.R. drive out of the studio where Sue Ellen showed the film, go and pick up Ratagan, and then go back with him to the studio?  Why didn't he just call Ratagan? Something just seemed weird. Apparently NO time has passed since Thursday's episode because April is still wearing the same outfit.

- Since when has Sue Ellen had this "attractive" assistant?  We never saw her before.  Wouldn't she just take Kehli when she sold Valentine? I have no idea how long this person's been around. Ridiculous.

- I didn't know Afton made records.  I thought I remembered hearing something a few episodes ago about how she was about to get a record deal. And the record Cliff was looking at had Afton with red hair -- which means he bought it after they originally broke up.  When?  Did he just go out and buy it to look at her? Good point about the red hair, which indicates that you are absolutely correct. Excellent call.

- Do they actually have a book which lists the serial numbers of keys? Sounds odd to me?   And if they did, how did that locksmith know all that info about that company just from looking at the book.  Maybe he's a lock-company-buff. A guy like that might know a lot about locks, but I also found it hard to believe that he would know so much about the key's history.

- Cliff has 37 messages.  Yeah, right.  Most of them are probably from him, checking to see if Afton called.  I'm still laughing.  37...give me a break.... I didn't catch that, actually...if it said 37 then that's a total joke.

- Why is April just starting to paint?  This is clearly more than a day after she said "I got up early to start painting."  Someone's slow.... Good point.

- This is the ultimate: Teresa calls him "Mr. Jock."  Now that's insulting. That woman needs to be fired...and fast! I totally agree. That is SO LAME.
Jason responds: Actually in the south, it is considered polite manners to say this. I taught a swim lesson with a mother and daughter from the south and she always referred to me as Mr. Jason, b/c they do it that way down there out of respect.

- Only 25,000 for Afton's ex-husband's bail?  This is 1989, and I'm pretty sure the bail for beating up two men and sending them to the hospital is more than 25,000.   I've seen "Law and Orders" from 1990 and it's way more than that.   But the writers were trying to be cute...and IRONIC. Ironic is the key here. Good point.

- Why did J.R. go all the way down to the oil rig to discover Carter swiped it from under him?  Why didn't that guy just call J.R. and tell him?  For some reason people in this show never do that.  Maybe he just wanted to see J.R. get mad.  Stupid. I think the PRODUCERS wanted to see JR get mad.

- Aren't Bobby and April wondering: if it's not Tommy who called, then who is it?   They seem to dismiss the problem.  Boy, those two are so wishy-washy.   They're really perfect for each other. Yes they are. That's what made Pam and Bobby so perfect too.

AHN Val's corner:

- April stated that whoever has been making the crank calls knows that she's moved to Southfork. Wait a minute...MOVED to Southfork?!?!?! Being a bit presumptous, aren't we, April? Well...temporarily moved. To have added the word "temporarily" would have seemed strained.

- While he was off in Baton Rouge, Cliff had his kitchen painted. It went from a bright lemon yellow to a soft, creamy yellow. Could be a new lens filter. Hard to say.

- Michelle Stevens' head is shaped like a light bulb--complete with a 25 watt brain. I figured you'd have something to say about that. What is your verdict on the younger Miss Stevens? More or less skanky than her sister?

- End of the show, there was a freeze frame, but no "Produced by" credit. I don't know whether this particular situation lasts or not. There were no "also starring" credits either, although they may not have been necessary...no, they weren't. Still kind of odd.

AHN Rob's corner:

- From the ‘What the Hell Was That?!?!' Files: The entire first scene.  Can JR be any less tactful rummaging through Sue Ellen's secretary's desk drawer?  And didn't the film in that vault have ANY value at all?  No one -- from Sue Ellen down -- seemed to mind that JR and Ratagan were turning the place into a disaster area.   Strange... I didn't get it. It was cute but stupid.

- Another from the ‘What the Hell Was That?!?!' Files:  Cliff's private eye picking the lock because he didn't answer the door.  Just accept the fact the boss isn't home, man!  That guy would be SO FIRED if I were paying his salary... I think Wallace knows Cliff better than that. Especially since Cliff specifically asked him to come to his house. Actually, this is smart: if Cliff weren't there, Wallace might know that something was really up. Like for instance, someone might have been impersonating him on the phone or something. I know it sounds silly, but a good PI would consider these possibilities. Definitely not recommended by Sue Ellen.

- April is so pathetic.  Does she really think she's such a prime target that a stalker would call SOUTHFORK at all times of the day? If that sicko knows she's at Southfork, he should also know that at certain times of the day -- BREAKFAST for instance -- there would be a lot of people home.  That's less chance April would even answer the phone.  That's also more chance Ellie and Clayton would channel the spirit of Sherlock Holmes and Watson; or worse, Bobby would suddenly learn how to tap the phone and trace the call....

AHN Mike's corner:

- How does Kimberly Foster rate getting into the opening star credits without ever having appeared in an episode before? Others like Sheree Wilson had to EARN their way in over time. Foster was a nobody at the time she got this part. I checked her IMDB bio and she had done practically nothing before getting this gig and what little she did all appeared to be bit parts. Contract, contract, contract. Her contract says she gets to be in the mainline. And don't forget that Kim Foster HAS been on the show, as the nameless love toy of Nicholas Pearce in Episode 257.

- It's 1989, shouldn't a multi-freakin-millionaire like Cliff own a CD player instead of listening to Afton on 33 rpm vinyl? I noticed this too. I wasn't so perturbed until Episode 325, when Cliff suddenly has a very modern looking cellular phone.

- Where's Sly when Cliff returns to the office and is greeted (and nagged) by the other three secretaries? I don't know. She was in the credits so something must have been cut out.

- Was this the first time somebody had non-marital sex in the house at Southfork (Bobby and April) since JR nailed (was it Afton) during a Ewing barbecue? And somebody should tell April never to go braless, her chest disappears entirely. I believe the last non-marital sex at Southfork was when Bobby and Jenna conceived Lucas.

- I know it happened during the dream season and therefore didn't really happen , but can't the writers get a little more creative rather than resorting to the bomb in the briefcase sub-plot again? No.

- The locksmith Ellie and Clayton go to is still around today, though very old, and has appeared recently in a number of commercials.

- Was this the first time we actually saw an oil platform in an episode? Up till now they were just referred to. I believe it is the first time. I wouldn't swear to it though.

- I found it odd that Bobby and JR were trying to cut a business deal with that oil refiner and kept calling him by his last name (Shaughnessy) while turning their backs to his customers. There was a certain arrogance about the Ewing boys throughout this scene that didn't seem conducive to doin' bidness. Interesting spin on it. Maybe that's how they do things in Texas.

AHN Analise's corner:

- Why did Afton make an album in 1989?  My first boyfriend, (well 1st love actually) had a CD player in 1984 and we listened to CD's a great deal then. (Well I was 14, he was 16).  Anyway, we weren't buying LPs even in 1984.   So why in 1989 didn't Afton make a CD or at least a tape?  Is it because all of us had to be treated to seeing Afton's huge face all blown up??? Yes. Obviously it is so we can see Afton's face. I found this odd too, in light of the fact that in a few weeks Cliff will have a very modern-looking cell phone.

- Ellie asks Clayton how often to they get to partake in an adventure? Oh, wasn't the amnesia adventurous enough for you, Miss Ellie?  How about when Clayton was accused of murder?  Hmm, guess that wasn't enough for her either.  I guess it's hard to placate a woman who dresses in sack dresses!!!  This plot is sooo lame!

- How did Michelle get into April's apartment?  You'd think after having the place broken into by the mafia and by Tommy McKay, April might have added just a touch of security?  She practically acts like a blood-related Ewing! This one is a head-shaker. Maybe Michelle was able to convince the superintendent that they were related.

- If you put any more grease on Tommy McKay's hair, he should be made the newest T-Bird from Grease!  Would have looked cute with John Travolta! I'd say JR could get all of the oil he needs from Tommy's hair.

- Hey, it's a good thing Cliff doesn't have like a REAL job.  No company would put up with a person who drops his responsibilities for personal problems. I agree. How lame.

- I almost fell on the floor laughing when Tommy walked into his father's office saying that he would be happy to be his father's heir.  Well, gee, wouldn't we all.   Carter has got a lot of money.  Who wouldn't want to inherit it?  Tommy made it sound like he was telling his father that he wanted to dedicate his life to finding a cure for some deadly disease.  But no, Tommy with all sincerity wants to be the sole heir. HOW BIG OF HIM!!!!  I'm still laughing!!! I think the word "heir" is what tickles your fancy, huh? I see your point.

Episode 309: The Leopard's Spots

Bonehead Dialogue of the Day: [courtesy of Jason]

> Bondsman: Afton Cooper [bailed him out]
> Cliff : Who?
> Bondsman: Afton Cooper....
You know, Cliff, the lady you are looking for...

Angelica Award:   Afton for not only wearing a rhinestone top and jeans with heels, but the finale - gold earrings with little cowboy boots and long horn skulls! Suggested by Alett. Honorable mention goes to: Lucy's striped cropped t-shirt with linebacker shoulder pads, suggested by Val.

- Despite her poor choice of hairstyle, Sly really impresses me. When JR asks her to call Shaughnessy, she picks up the phone and dials the number from his office - without even looking it up! Not to mention the fact that she dials it without pressing the buttons [the sound is clearly dubbed] and she also manages to reach him [long-distance, mind you] despite dialing eight numbers!

- April says something odd during her conversation with Michelle. She tells her little sister that she can [in the sense of being allowed to] stay in Dallas for a while. Hold on a second; since when was it her decision? Suppose she wanted Michelle to leave...could she MAKE it happen?

- Let's talk about Afton for a moment. [Only a moment, though - I don't think I could stand much more than that.] What is with this girl and her love life? First she falls in love with Cliff Barnes, who at the time was a lovable loser. Then he became a success and Afton couldn't put up with his deception and blind ambition any more. Okay, that's a lesson learned - I can't blame her for that. But then what does she do? She ends up marrying Van Buren.  I don't see what ANY woman could see in this guy. He's a loser. He has ZERO ambition. He has zero assets. Oh dear Afton, what happened to the level-headed and sensible, if unlucky, person we knew you as? Did the henna rinse wash it out of your brain?

AHN Alett's corner:

- I was awaiting Tommy's "haircut" since this was his quick excuse yesterday to leave Carter. All he has done is slick it back, and considering his ears, it's not a flattering look. Since this hair thing is supposed to be the definitive sign he has changed, Carter will now have to follow him into the voting booth to make sure he votes Republican as he promised.

- Why would Cliff believe this new story about little Pamela's real father? Was Afton having her tested because her ex's family has the same genetic disorder as Cliff's? Since we were repeatedly reminded her name is "Pamela", he can't be the father because he keeps calling her "Pammie". Knowing what we know, I can't believe Cliff was dumb enough to fall for this. Certainly he should have pressed Afton about the clinic - she could have claimed that when she got the tests done, she wasn't sure who the father was, but learned the truth some other way.

- A final thought - this new opening seems dull except for Charlene. I would love to see Lucy in the sack dress and Miss Ellie in the jacuzzi! Funny how Charlene brightens the credits up.

AHN Jason's corner:

- JR says hi to Kendall and she just walks past him... not a smart move to do to a boss.. I have a feeling that Danone Simpson wasn't expecting that "hi". Otherwise, I have no explanation.

- Marilee is credited but AWOL   (Hmm maybe the Lucy Award?) I would have liked to have seen her scene. Very strange to cut her out...hmm.

- My pet peeve strikes again...  Shelley has a huge full ice tea that she leaves at the bar when she goes to sit down with April.  What a waste... and did you notice that during their REALLLLLLLLLY LOOOOOOOOONNNNNNNNGGGGG scene that no waiter comes over to see them? Didn't seem like a busy restaurant. Excellent points.

- Just a note... I REALLY dislike Shelley but she has a point. April is a major hypocrite to tell her not to lie and sleep her way to the top, when April (looking down from the top) did the same thing... I have to wonder what Jack would say to this if he was around now.  It's nice that they mention him again. I suspect that Val may have written this scene. I can't wait to hear what she has to say about it.

- Afton's hair has lightened up a lot.   And she sure didn't look too upset or surprised when Cliff walked into her apartment. I noticed the hair. I also noticed her responsed, or lack thereof, to his presence. In light of the next conversation with Harrison, it makes sense, but it's weird. Is Cliff so preoccupied that he doesn't suspect that something is up?.

- Ok, this whole Cliff/Pamela/Afton thing bugs me.   So apparently Cliffy is the father.... so what happened with that vasectomy that he had?  You'd think they could at least mention there was a screw up or something...  I could understand if there were different writers now so they were too lazy to research this subplot but shouldn't Ken Kerchaval remember this?   It's almost as bad as when Jenna (In 1987) said her daughter was still 13 when PP knew she had been born in 1970.... come on!! I would say that it's even WORSE. This is the kind of thing you don't forget...

- The paper in the second strong box looked to be in really good shape considering it was several years old at least.

- I really like Cally, but her paintings are not THAT special... come on they look like kids' work... I totally agree.

AHN Kyle's corner:

- What the heck was Bobby doing with the computer keyboard before his conversation with Shelly? It looked like he was just using the numerical pad, so I figured he was doing a spreadsheet. Yet he never presses TAB to move to the next column. Strange... It looks to me like he's using a mainframe system or something like that. Such systems don't usually use the TAB key. In most cases, they use the Shift key for Enter.

- Why doesn't Tommy have a REAL briefcase before he picks up the bomb triggered case? He's an executive, right? Maybe he does work in the mailroom... I guess it's his first day. Or is it? I forget.

AHN Val's corner:

- It was kind of funny hearing a priest say "whoopie cushion". Yes it was.

- I can't believe Miss Ellie doesn't know where Jock's first big strike occurred. I know it was before they were married, but geez!!!! Surely, Jock must have talked about his first big strike at great length. Oh, and of course, it came up yet again in 1985 when Cliff and Jamie were each claiming ownership of one-third of Ewing Oil. Say it with me now: Nacogdoches County. I remember that. It's possible she doesn't remember which boarding house he was in...that might be what she was referring to, but the dialogue is weird if that's the case.

- Afton has an awfully well-kept apartment for someone with a small child.

- Between Shaughnessy, Van Buren, Michelle, Tommy, and the rest, there aren't many likeable people left on Dallas. Today's ep should have been subtitled "Jerks on Parade".

- Once again, there were no "produced by" credits at show's end.

AHN Rob's corner:

- What an insult to the good people of Charleston, South Carolina! There's no such thing as the ‘Charleston Police Station.'  That implies that there's only one. There's not. Believe it or not, they'd progressed from that years ago... Not that I don't believe you, but do you know this for sure?

- The ‘Fresh Meat' approach to introducing new young female characters strikes again.   Did anyone catch the ‘booty shot' during the scene where April and Shelly have lunch?  This actually isn't a new tactic either.  As I recall, the cameraman seemed awfully fixated on Pam's gluts in Episode #6.  Not that I didn't like the view... I'm just saying... Oh, I remember the Pam shots. Classic line: "Buoys." And I noticed the booty shot. They have to do this because the Stevens sisters are so pectorally challenged - but they got much back.

- Two things I have to say on the Cally and Lucy scene in that frame shop: 1) Was that guy for real when he told Cally that her work belonged in a gallery?  Given some water colors and a day or two to work, I could come up with something comparable -- or even better.  And no, I DON'T have any plans of packing up and heading for the Guggenheim Museum anytime soon...
I know, I know. I am so amazed that the producers couldn't have come up with better pictures for Cally to have in her hands.

-And more importantly... WHO WAS THE IDIOT THAT DECIDED TO PUT THE TNN LOGO IN THE LOWER RIGHT-HAND CORNER OF THE SCREEN?!?!  IT COVERED SOME OF LUCY'S BEST PARTS!!!   HER BODY SEEMS TO BE ALL CHARLENE TILTON HAS TO OFFER THESE DAYS, AND TNN'S MESSING IT UP FOR EVERYBODY!!!  Oh my, was that a tantrum?  My bad... Hey, that's all right. What ever happened to yesterday when you said Lucy was fat?

- Watching Ol' Boomer give that briefcase to Tommy made me realize something: I've actually seen this storyline before!  It's called the ‘Marinos Shipping Saga'!   Oh well... At least this time the mastermind is better dressed.  Next we'll see Tommy kill one of his cohorts with a rolled up twenty dollar bill... Marinos Shipping? Never heard of it. Must have been a bad dream. :)

AHN Mike's corner:

- Nice touch in the bail bondsman's office: a cheap, sleazy lamp on his desk where the body of the lamp is a big-breasted hula dancer in grass skirt and skimpy top.

- April is wearing a brooch that is a key in a circle. Considering the theme of the episode, it's probably a safe deposit box key.

- The writers have been working hard for over a year to turn April from heel to babyface. So why remind us of what a tramp and gold-digger she was when she came to Dallas? To get Michelle over as a heel.

- In the Ewing Oil offices, one of the secretaries has a huge blue semi-circle (almost like a window) behind her desk. Any idea what that is? I think that's the new and unimproved Ewing Oil logo.

- I'm surprised nobody commented on Van Buren's breakfast of champions - an ice cream cone and a brown bag booze bottle. Van Buren says to Cliff "Call me in the morning." but never gives a phone number or even an address. And speaking of Van Buren, he left the door to Afton's apartment wide open after his little skit with her, so she could listen to his conversation with Cliff. Shouldn't Cliff have been suspicious at that point? Well, the whole point of the charade was so Cliff could overhear...I would think that AFTON should have been suspicious if she weren't working Cliff, and so THAT should have made Cliff suspicious.

Episode 310: Cry Me a River of Oil

Bonehead Dialogue of the Day: [courtesy of Jake]

Either Bobby or J.R. suggests to Ellie to call up Punk or Jordan and ask him about Jock's first strike.
>Ellie: "What a great idea!"
Yes, Ellie, it is.  Why didn't you think of it?  You know how to use a computer, but you don't think of that!!!

Angelica Award: Jordan "Gilligan" Lee's hat.

Carter's instant tantrum meter: 1. In his office with Brundin.

- JR's hired a new spot market broker. What happened to Mr. Slater, who was JR's old broker? Did he die or something?

- After Tommy predictably barges right past Kendall on his way into Bobby's office, he introduces himself to Phyllis. Shouldn't Phyllis know who he is, since she seemed to recognize him two episodes ago when he came to Ewing Oil? Tommy definitely remembers her because he calls her by name.

- While it is kind of cute [in a REALLY dumb way] for all four secretaries to be helping Ellie search through the records, is this really necessary? Only one of them can be banging on the keyboard at a time, right? This is egregiously lame.

- And now it's time for my favorite kind of nit: the changed premise. Ellie comes to Ewing Oil to search for records of Jock's first strike. But there's a problem: two years ago after JR took up with that Calhoun fella, the CIA saw fit to divest Ewing Oil of all of its assets, records, and what not. When Bobby got the Ewing Oil name back, the records were not part of the deal. So how is it that Ellie is able to track information all the way back to 1945? Did Sly, Phyllis, and Kendall spend nights retyping in all sorts of information from memory?

- This is one of those nits which is so blatant you have to wonder whether you need to give your head a shake. Tommy pushes Brundin into traffic on a busy street in broad daylight and NO ONE DOES ANYTHING? Is this Dallas or Manhattan? Give me a break.

- When JR visits Shaughnessy's refinery, he is wearing a "Ewing" hard hat. Shaughnessy's hat has no logo on it. Did JR bring a hard hat with him? This seems rather unlikely.

- Let's talk about Al the Pal, the used car...uh, tanker...salesman. I can understand the need to create a "used car lot" atmosphere, but these aren't exactly small vehicles that one can walk amongst. Why in the world would they meet down by a marina? Shouldn't they meet at Al's office? Let's put it a different way - if JR wanted to arrange an oil deal, would he meet a prospective client at his office, or at the Ewing refinery? The only reason JR would meet a client at a refinery is if the client wanted to see the operation. Since JR claims to know nothing about tankers, why would he be interested in seeing them?

AHN Alett's corner:

- The usually quiet Ewing Oil suddenly sounds like PBS during pledge week. Why can't any of them answer the phones just because Miss Ellie is there? Preposterous. Ellie shouldn't need all of the girls to help her out.

- If the hand-held camera work following Tommy on his first really lame bomb attempt was meant to suggest foreboding, it didn't work. I would have preferred this as an "over-the-shoulder" shot where we can't tell for sure who pushed Brundin under the truck. This whole thing is very poorly done. But wait until tomorrow...

- And a final thought on the opening credits - George Kennedy looks constipated. He ALWAYS looks this way. I wonder if he could hawk Breath Asure and Metamucil in the same ad?

AHN Jason's corner:

-  Bobby says that dinner is in one hour but it is already very dark out. Just how late do these Ewings eat? I have no idea. Really weird.

- Debbie has a new conservative uniform on now.  No more cleavage shots. Boo-hoo. But I guess the producers figure that seeing the Stevens sisters in various stages of undress is enough to keep the male fans interested.

- Just a note...  Cally seems to have become the new Pam.. very whiny about really outdated things.. I was half expecting to hear Pam's theme in the background. This is a VERY Pam-like gimmick.

- Just curious..  The 1.7 rating on the rustbucket... I mean tanker.. is that out of 10? I think he said 1.2, and I have no idea what this rating means.

AHN Kyle's corner:

- Tommy's ploy to blow up Bobby Ewing might have worked if he hadn't left the briefcase in plain sight (OK, not quite plain sight, but it was pretty much out in the open). As it stands, the whole thing was lame. Also, the show sure seemed to gloss over the whole "diffusing of the bomb" thing. Sure the guy told Tommy how to do it, but still... I actually thought Tommy did a pretty good job by hiding it under Bob's desk. Where else could he conceivably put it?

- Whoa, Tommy sure IS tough. That whole not shaking hands thing was sooooo cool. Too bad that Tommy's never actually met Brundin and only knows what Carter told him... God, I hate that Tommy McKay... I agree. And of course, Angelica Nero has nothing on him - pushing an old guy into traffic! Way cooler than the "find a space between the guy's ribs and stab him with a poisoned hatpin" thing. [Sarcasm, of course].

- Something about Bobby saying that JR would have to pay all the late charges didn't sit right with me. The fact that JR was able to complete the contract without Bobby's signature suggests that it is a valid (Ewing Oil) contract. Thus, any penalties incurred due to the contract would be paid by the company. They don't differentiate between JR's money and Bobby's money. Maybe Bobby could request that JR re-imburse the company for the fees, but I'm not so sure (and would JR agree to that?). I wondered about that too - obviously you're right that JR must have been acting as an agent of Ewing Oil, and therefore Ewing Oil is liable. Under normal circumstances, any executive who pulled such a stunt would be fired immediately. It's possible that you're right and Bobby will insist that JR will reimburse the company, but the way it came out sounded wrong.

- I noticed that Sly didn't have a purse when she left the office (before the first break). This seems unlikely...

- What was up with AIDS poster (product placement?). DALLAS isn't actually the best show for preaching safe sex... No it's not, but I think they seized an opportunity.

- Does anyone else find it offensive that Cally's art is constantly referred to as being done in a "primitive style"? Not really a compliment if you ask me. Well, I think they mean primitive as opposed to modern. Her art actually LOOKS like something.

- Bobby and April were getting pretty hot and heavy with that door open. It probably would have been wise to close it sooner (what if Christopher decided to take a Math break?) [btw, I was actually aroused by April's antics....for the first time since her bikini exploits when she first started on the show] It was sort of arousing...but kinda weird. I mean, the only time I have ever seen a woman move her hips like this without a partner or an audience is either when she's drunk or high.

- Christopher's Math problem was absurd. Why would they ask him to find the square root of 3288? It's not even a perfect square (somewhere between 56 and 57). Anyways, all he would have to do is punch it into his calculator. Quit your whining... It also seems way beyond the Grade 4 curriculum.

- I found Cliff's dinner making plan to be quite humorous. What a perfect plan. "You're not home so let's have dinner. I'm assuming you'll be there..." Funny... That was very bizarre.

- Great work by April not to pique Michelle's interest in Cliff. "Oh please Shelly, don't bother Cliff. He's far too RICH and VULNERABLE". Please... Ditto.

- I think there might be an editing problem when Jordan Lee is on the putting green. His first putt appears to be missing the hole wide right, but when it cuts for another shot, the putt sails by wide LEFT. Double break? Probably not. Continuity problem, I think [not sure though, didn't tape today's episode]. I thought so too. It looked weird.

AHN Val's corner:

- Tommy says Dallas is a small town. I know he's only speaking figuratively, but this really seems like an odd thing to say about the 8th largest city in the U.S. Good point.

- Nice how the phones stopped ringing long enough for Bobby and JR's conversation with Miss Ellie.

- Good Grief!!! April romances Bobby IN HIS MOTHER'S HOME!!! That's just sick in my book. If my son was seduced by a woman to whom he was not married while staying in my home, that girl would be persona non grata real quick.
What's more, they left the bedroom door open while Bobby unzipped April's dress! What if someone walked by, like Clayton, Miss Ellie, or heaven forbid, CHRISTOPHER? I'm REAL glad Christopher didn't witness this little display. April and Bobby need a crash course in discretion PRONTO!!! This was pointed out, but bears repeating. Very disturbing to say the least.

AHN Jake's corner:

- This just struck me...How does Ellie know how to use a computer? Even if someone showed her she wouldn't be able tp function that well.  She didn't look like she was having any trouble at all. Good point. She must be a fast learner.

- After Miss Ellie says that she is looking for the town where Jock first struck oil, Sly says the same thing.  I think we got the gist, Sly. Good one.

- What was that on Christopher's desk?  A laptop, or a WizKid? Looked like a old Compaq laptop. I remember these.

- And what was the point of that scene?  I couldn't tell. I have NO IDEA. I guess just to shock us by having April practicing her lap dancing right afterwards.

- Bobby says to Christopher he's going to get ready for dinner. Then he tells Christopher to be down in an hour.  He's going to get ready for dinner...which is in an hour.  Or did he read the script and realize he was going to make love to April and dinner would have to wait? I suspect the latter.

AHN Mike's corner:

- Didn't Tommy's new fashion consultant tell him a brown briefcase clashes badly with a blue suit? Obviously not.

- Brundin gets off a great line when Tommy is moaning about how Brundin screwed his father. Brundin says "Is this where we start playing the violin?"). Too bad. If Brundin hadn't been so busy playing the violin, he might have seen that truck coming.

- And one for the old JR (who shows up occasionally) to April: "I guess Bobby doesn't mind sleeping with my leftovers."

- What was that UFO on the back of April's blue outfit when she made JR a drink? I have no idea. This was a weird outfit, no question.

- I thought it was amusing that after finding out about JR and April, Cally put on this ultra-conservative nightgown with buttons up to her nose. Sending a subtle message? Good point.

- Will we ever find out if Michelle has eyebrows and ears? Yes. Today.

- I've said it before and I'll say it again: April you're a freakin' multi-millionaire. Change your phone number and hire a body guard. Well, I'm sure she'll change her phone number before long. The body guard is unnecessary with Bobby around, but I see your point.

Episode 311: Ka-Boom!

Bonehead Dialogue of the Day: [courtesy of Alett]

(After April's gift of a crystal ice bucket)

> Clayton: (with goofy enthusiasm) I like her!
> Bobby : Yeah, so do I.

Gee, Bob, I'm glad to hear it since you were sleeping with her right across the hall from your son.

Angelica Award: Couldn't find one today. (KIDDING!) Rose. Duh.

- When JR walks over to the door to leave April's apartment, he has his drink in his right hand. But by the time he gets to the door, it's magically gone. What happened?

- Theresa answers the phone by saying "Ewing residence". As I pointed out in the nits for Episode 289, it is NOT the Ewing residence. It belongs to the Farlows.

- Of course, they read the script, but it's ridiculous for Bobby and April to huddle fearfully BEFORE the bomb explodes on the sidewalk below.

AHN Alett's corner:

- When Rose barges in Carter's office explaining there was no one in the outer office, he says, "You'd think a bomb had gone off." Gosh, is that supposed to be irony? I think it is.

- OK, so Rose is flashy trash, but I do feel sorry for her. Amazingly her lipstick survived a whole breakfast of the world's best flapjacks just so Tommy could smear it all over her face. It must have been red tinted vaseline because I know my lipstick wouldn't have smeared that easily. I felt sorry for her too...and this is a good point.

- Waiting for that bomb to finally go off was mind-numbing. Dang I was actually hoping for Tommy to be turned into confetti. I guess is was another case of a balcony coming to the aid of the Ewings in getting rid of pesky problems. First Nicholas takes a convenient plunge and now this. It did seem very strained, didn't it?

- I suppose this musical necklace thingy is expensive and all, but it's clunky and not something I can see April wearing. I don't know...a season ago, it seemed to me like April would wear almost anything.

AHN Jason's corner:

- Cliff claims to be a partner in Ewing Oil. So does this count has having control of a piece of Ewing Oil?  Like on the tote board.  Also does Sue Ellen have control of a piece of Ewing Oil in WOTE? This is never made clear but it stands to reason that he "controls" something. And good catch about Sue Ellen.

- God, that art dealer looks so creepy.  Not at all young and charming like the old lady says. Did you know that he's Elizabeth Taylor's son? Spooky.

- The whole bomb thing was really poorly staged.  First, how is it that Bobby never opens his briefcase during the whole day and 1/2 from when Tommy plants it to when it goes off.  I mean come on- he is a business executive.  He must have some reason to open it. Are you insinuating that as an executive, he does WORK? :)

- Second, how is that Phyllis couldn't leave a message for Bobby at the car cleaning place?  She knew the car was there.  Surely they would take a message for Bobby about the jewelry defect. She probably figured it was something that could wait.

- Third, the way that Bobby and April wind up on the balcony looked so staged and artificial. 

- Fourth, with all the moving around the briefcase did that day, wouldn't it have triggered a "real life" bomb.  Seems that jolting it up and down and such should have triggered the fuse or whatever it was. Tough call. The trigger is the "mousetrap" effect, which requires some kind of rapid action such as opening the case or having it fall eight stories onto a sidewalk. I think you're right that it should have exploded at some point.

- This is a TNN nit.  They still show those commercials with Mon-FRIDAY afternoon line up of Dukes, Dallas, and Waltons.....  Um  I thought Dallas was off of Friday nights..... This is an OUTSTANDING nit.

AHN Val's corner:

Bobby stated that it was the four-month anniversary of the Great Waltz in Vienna...a night worth celebrating. Somehow, I don't think he was celebrating the dance, but the aftermath, and April's taste of Vienna Beef Sausage for dessert. I wouldn't have put it quite that way, but I see your point. And tell me if I'm wrong, but would April have felt the same if Bobby said "it's the four-month anniversary of the first time I banged you"?

- Carter stated that Rose can have her old room back. I find it hard to believe that she even had her own room the first time she stayed at Carter's. In fact, I thought the whole purpose of her being there was to warm his bed. So did I. Or maybe that IS what he means?!

- That pendant that Bobby bought for April looked rather cheap...like something you'd find sold at a kiosk at the mall. I have no eye for jewellery, so I'll take your word for it.

- Some guy called Bobby and offered him and Christopher his two extra tickets to the Cowboys game. Wait a minute!!! I thought that the Ewings owned a box at Texas Stadium. In fact, JR used to entertain Mandy Winger there. So, why would they accept regular stadium seats from this other guy? An OUTSTANDING nit...except that Ewing Oil probably lost that when the CIA took the company away. Like the records that Ellie was searching yesterday, I kind of doubt it was returned.

- Also, Bob and Chris were gonna be wearing their suits and ties to the game. I know they had to hurry, but that attire seems rather uncomfortable to sit in for three hours, plus. Besides, how long does it take to throw on a pair of jeans and a sweat shirt anyway? Totally agreed.

- Carter said he's gonna warm up the car. I haven't spent much time in Texas, but I don't think Dallas has a reputation for being cold in the fall. Maybe Carter's taking the Hyundai Pony to work. [Did you ever have one of those? I did. It had a MANUAL choke. Piece of crap.]

AHN Mike's corner:

- Looks like Halliday bought Mark Graison's car. Or is the Graison estate still taking it out for regular drives based on Mark's will. Or is Mark not dead? Sometimes it all seems like a dream, doesn't it. Yes it does. That car seemed to be very similar to Mark's although Graison's looked much more classy.

- In the scene with McKay and Tommy's counselor, was something cut out? That line about Tommy's "father protector" role came out of nowhere. Yes it did. We've seen a lot of it, of course, but it's kind of abrupt to hear it summarized that way.

- Whose dog was that jogging along with the Stevens sisters? I have no idea. I wondered that too.

- Once again, Tommy shows no fear of getting caught. His fingerprints are all over Bobby's briefcase by the time the bomb is placed. The whole tension setup over when the briefcase would be opened was overdone to the point of being lame. And when the bomb goes over the balcony, dropping many floors below, we once again wonder how the hell Tommy escaped from Bobby by running out onto that balcony. I certainly wondered. The first time I saw this episode, the suspense already seemed strained. This time it seemed pathetic.

- John Ross finally appears (with a new hairstyle) only to be shipped off to England. Don'tcha wish Christopher would cold-cock him when he gets into those snotty moods? Christopher has too much of his [adoptive] mother in him. A damn shame because you're right - it would be cool if they had a JR/Bobby relationship.

- Besides McKay's "bomb" comment, there were a couple of other sly humorisms in this episode. Lucy says "Rambo (Dack?) couldn't keep me away." and Clayton says Pride Texas is near "Beaumont", a name we'll be hearing a lot real soon. Something about that "Rambo" line struck me as odd....these are very interesting! Thanks for pointing them out.

- Turn on the Cally "pleasures me" tote board, she said it again to the lady who bought her painting. And what happened to those "My Fair Lady" diction and grammar lessions she was taking? She sounds just as much a hick now as when she arrived. Must be the presence of the esteemed Mrs. Evander.

AHN Kyle's corner:

- Cliff just finished ordering his Chinese food when Michelle walked in. Unless they have the Flash working at the restaurant, it will take a lot longer than "a few minutes" for the food to get there. Chinese food seems to take forever to arrive (45 minutes to an hour). Cliff must have a special arrangement with them. After all, I'm sure that some weeks he keeps them in business.

Episode 312: Sunset, Sunrise

Bonehead Dialogue of the Day: [courtesy of Alett and Jason]

>April: Should we get married, Bobby Ewing?
>Bobby: Are you proposing to me?

Angelica Award: Michelle's tie-died outfit when she visits JR's office. Nominated by Jason.

- Another strike against Cally today. Alex Barton refers to her as Cally "Harper". As long as she's got that huge rock on her finger, her name is Cally Ewing, and Liz Taylor, Jr. better not forget it. Why doesn't Cally remind him that she's a married woman?

- I won't harp on the fact that Ewing Oil secretaries are totally pathetic today by allowing James to waltz into JR's office. But it deserves a mention.

AHN Alett's corner:

- At the funeral Boomer with baseball in hand says: "Hey, if there really is a Heaven, maybe we'll both play some ball." No, Boomer, you and Tommy will be heading the other direction tossing around a ball of plastique (sp?) explosive.

- Continuing in this spiritual motif, April tells Bobby: "I want to be with you from here to Heaven." Again, I don't see much chance those two will end up there either. Ouch! Why the venom for these two? Just because they've already done the nasty?

- So they killed off Tommy just to bring in that smarmy James Beaumont? If he's been hanging around the office for hours, why hasn't Sly asked his name? She probably tried but he wouldn't spill the beans. Perhaps if she offered to go out with him, he might have talked.

- I'll bet you're happy to see Vanessa will be back. Actually, aside from her very British teeth, I think she's a good "prequel" to Sue Ellen. They do resemble each other. Maybe subconsciously that's why JR was attracted to Sue Ellen. Remember she had bad teeth for a long time too. Yes, I do remember that. But Linda Gray is a lovely woman and a great actress. Gayle Hunnicutt [at this point in her life] is neither.

AHN Jason's corner:

- I noticed that JR did not invite Phyllis and Jackie to his celebration but did invite Kendall. Weird Maybe they're "busy" helping their busy bosses. [snicker] I suspect that Kendall's just a party girl.

- The police did not barge in when Tommy was shot.  I thought they would when they heard the gun go off. They sure should have. Lame.

- They also did not immediately question Carter.  They said something like they will quesiton him in the morning. Weird. Not impossible, but weird.

- The fact that JR would wear his business suit into the water was pretty dumb.  What a waste of a good suit. And how much fun would it be undress someone who is fully clothed in a pool? I don't think Marilee cares whether it's fun or not - she makes her own fun. I can't stand her.

- There is a nit when Marilee does her seducitve striptease.  She is clearly wearing a one-piece, not a bikini... So she pulls it down and then tosses it off but we don't hear a splash when she would have lifted her legs to get the suit off.. Unless it was made with a velcro lining, I don't see how this is possible.. Good nit. Perhaps she has some special skill we don't know about. Maybe her hips are so wide that she could just kick it off.

- Did Tracey wear the same outfit for 2 days?  It seemed in every scene she was in, she worn the same black dress. Not quite. The first scene, in Carter's office, the dress looked completely black. The one she wore at the funeral and the scene after that had white buttons down the front.

- How would Cally know what Marilee looked like?  They clearly had not met until today's episode. Maybe from photo albums...can't think of anything else.

AHN Val's corner:

- JR has a fax machine in his bedroom. This is odd, considering that a house the size of Southfork probably has a home office...at least it did at one time. We'll have to see how long it lasts.

- When Tommy told the security officers that Bobby has a bomb, the guards were ready to haul him away. Bobby however ordered them to take him to Carter. They totally dismissed the bomb!!!!! Yeah, it's true that Bobby didn't have a bomb in his briefcase, and if he did, he didn't put it there. But the guards didn't know that. In fact, the guards had no problem taking orders from an ALLEGED bomber. At that point, they should have erred on the side of caution, and listened to Tommy. Perhaps things were different in 1989, but security personnel wouldn't be acting that carelessly today. Excellent analysis. Or maybe they're wise to Tommy's tricks - but unlikely.

- It looked like Carter put the palm of his hand right on top of Tommy's gunshot wound. I'm no expert on the subject, but this seems medically incorrect to me. Well, it's not the smartest idea...of course, it's good to stop the bleeding but this would be rather ineffective.

- After the funeral, when JR and Cally were walking down the tree-lined road, the grey sedan was following slowly behind them. I kept wondering: "Why don't they just move over and let the car pass?" When they stopped, the car stopped. When they walked, the car moved too. Then, JR and Cally moved back toward the car, and the driver got out, as if to open the back door for them. Wait a minute. JR and Cally drove themselves to the funeral. I plainly saw JR's and Bobby's cars parked amongst the limos. So why are they taking a limo? So they could have a nice touchy-feely scene, I guess. Still doesn't make sense, though.

AHN Kyle's corner:

- This opening credit thing has gotten ridiculous! Sasha Mitchell hadn't even been on the show yet and he was in the OPENING! What happened to standards people? Standards! Though I have no evidence of this, I would suspect that Sasha had been doing Patrick Duffy some very special favors. I don't know what Pat sees in this kid.

- My word...McKay's secretary is the whiniest person I've ever seen (yes, worse than Pam!). She's only been onscreen for 15 seconds and yet I instantly hate her.

- Marilee was definitely showing signs of aging in her pool scene, but one thing is timeless...her floating cooler! Sweet. Yeah, that was neat. Convenient that a cell phone was present.

- Come on, JR. You take of your watch, wallet, jewelry etc., but not your shoes? Dumb, dumb, dumb. I know she wouldn't let you take off the suit, but come on...

- OK, so JR can now deliver his shipment to Shaughnessy, but that's only 750,000 barrels. What about the other 1.25 million he owes him? Perhaps there was a cut...I don't know.

- Ken Kercheval looks so haggard these days. Hagman may have put on some (alright, many) pounds (whereas Bobby seems to be YOUNGER) but Ken is really starting to show signs of aging. Plus, he's super boring these days. FREE KEN KERCHEVAL society? Hmmm. I'll think about this.

- I noticed that the priest called Tommy "Tom McKay". Wouldn't that probably be THOMAS McKay? That makes the most sense. Good point.

- What the hell is wrong with Sasha Mitchell. It's like he's got this weird facial tic that makes him look really strange. I hate to break it to you...but that's not a tic. That's him reading the cue cards. The boy flat out cannot act. Wait until next season where he constantly talks like he's at a dress rehearsal.

AHN Rob's corner:

- I'm confused. Exactly how was it that Tommy ended up shooting himself? There wasn't much of a struggle for the gun -- which McKay never really grabbed for. And I don't see where Tommy was even afforded an opportunity to point it at himself. Even if he had, why? This looks like one of those hurry-up-and-get-that-guy-off-the-show-because-his-contract-is-up plot twists to me... Your final statement is the key here. Plain and simple.

- Don't look now, but that personal studio Alex Barton got for Cally is JR's old JRE Industries office...  Really? Not that I doubt you, but how can you tell?

- Has anyone noticed that Tracy has started calling her father ‘Dad'? It was always ‘Mack' before she left Dallas the first time...  It didn't register with me and no one else noticed. Good call.

- That was a really strange post-funeral scene between Bobby and April. People normally arent THAT horny after such a solemn occasion -- even if they hated the guy -- are they?   I wouldn't think so. I'm sure Val will have a snide comment.

- ...And the April-proposing-to-Bobby-with-a-rubber-band bit was cute also. There was just one thing: Engagement rings should go on the LEFT ring finger...

- DUMMY of the DAY RETURNS: JR again, for planning to send that barnacle barge -- I mean, tanker -- back out to sea without at least getting it checked out first. That's just asking for trouble...

- DUMMY of the DAY NOMINEE #2: Bobby, for not only insisting that he go to Tommy's funeral, but taking half the Ewing Clan along. Why not fly Ray in from Europe and REALLY have a blast for old time's sake...?  Yeah! And dig up Fred Hughes! That'd be a happenin' funeral!

AHN Mike's corner:

- The whole JR in the pool with his clothes on segment was another embarrasing example of what a loser they've made him. The only bigger loser seems to be Marilee who can't get laid unless she can extract it to get a deal. JR got off two zingers about her. First telling her "a woman your age shouldn't be running around without her clothes" and then telling Cally that Marilee "tried to seduce me with her fading charms". Good for a laugh, that's for sure.

- The one thing I didn't understand was why JR didn't take Marilee's oil reserves. He's got a long way to go before he can satisfy his Shaughnessy contract on an ongoing basis. I guess now the pressure's off...I have a feeling this little detail will be swept under the rug.

- Sly's hair is shorter yet. I hate it, but I like Sly. She looks better and better. By the way, Sly's new hairstyle seems to be the same as James'. Yes it does. Interesting.

Episode 313: Pride and Prejudice

Bonehead Dialogue of the Day: [courtesy of Alett]

>April's champagne toast: To us.
>Bobby: You mean we're alone?

This struck me as just plain dumb. Even if April's opportunistic little sister were there, the toast has nothing to do with how many people are in the room.

[courtesy of Jake]:

>Ellie (to housesitter): "You can go home now."
Let's see, Ellie, he's a housesitter -- he's looking after the house -- he obviously lives here! Duh!

Angelica Award: Alex Barton. First a butt-ugly brown shirt, and then a sweater which he must have procured at the estate auction of Nicholas Pearce.

- I don't want to waste all of my energy on Alex Barton, but...what the hell. His well-deserved Angelica award goes hand in hand with the "someone needs to be slapped" award. Who the hell does he think he is, prying into Cally's personal life? He sort of reminds me of Mark Graison, the way he's charmingly inserting himself into a married woman's life. At least Graison had some charisma and no gaps between his teeth!

- And calling Cally a "girl-woman"? What the hell is that? Here's reason # 254 that Elizabeth Taylor should have had her tubes tied at the age of sixteen.

- There haven't been many Ox moments lately because Clayton's been pushed to the sidelines. But there was one today! When Clayton realizes that the time on the cuckoo clock doesn't match his watch, he SHAKES his arm, including the watch, to try and get it started again. Maybe a watch is too advanced for him...I suggest he invest in a sundial. Yikes.

AHN Kyle's corner:

- OK, the backwater gas station. If you listen closely (when the man pumps the gas) the bell rings 6 or 7 times. It's fairly safe to assume that a ring is a gallon of gas (it sounds about right). The total then comes to $22.43. Using the six gallon theory, that the per gallon price was about $3.75. Even though I'm not familiar with the price of gas 10 years ago, $3.75 seems a bit much.
Actually, I thought the ring was supposed to signify each dollar...but perhaps you're right. There's no way in hell the per gallon price is $ 3.75. Even today in the States it's just over a dollar. Not even in Nunavut [or downtown Toronto, for that matter] is it that expensive.

- What does Clayton call the guy after he shuts the door in his face? Started with a C, I think. Whatever, certainly seemed to be outside the realm of the Ox's vocabulary. I didn't catch the word but I think it's a synonym of dastardly or caitiff.

- Whoa! When did James manage to set up this date with Kendall. Today was her breakout day. Sadly, this close look at Kendall was pretty disturbing. She's a lot older than I thought (also, fairly whorish...sleeping with him before they even eat!). I totally agree. Is this someone's idea of making a character multidimensional? Why does Kendall have to be James' sperm depository?

- How, exactly, does one go about buying a city? This was very strange. I think it was just an expression - Ellie probably just bought all the buildings.

AHN Jason's corner:

- JR being so cozy with James is too forced....  this may have to do with Sasha's poor acting.. I think you're right. SOMEONE has to make Sasha pay attention to the cue cards.

- So James is 21-22.. Hmm  that means he was born in 1968 or so.. Didn't JR meet Sue Ellen in 1967 at the beauty pageant? This is a good point...but they were married in 1970. It's unclear what transpired in between. We'll have to watch for more details about this.

- The sign in front of the boarding house "Rooms for Rent" looks to be in pretty good shape for how old it should be... The same could be said for the paper in the cuckoo clock.

AHN Val's corner:

- When Clayton drove into Pride, he carelessly sideswiped a few tumbleweeds with his car. Does that guy not care one iota about his paint job? Must be a rental.

- Bobby agreed to drive Chistopher and his friend to the skating party. He then invited April to come along. Don't tell me that all four of them are supposed to fit into Bobby's two-seat Mercedes! I know that there is a small area large enough for one child (namely Christopher) to sit behind the seats. Then, there's also Chris' friend. Bobby was quite worried about the two young kids getting too chummy too soon, but during the car ride, they must have really had to cozy up. Excellent point.

- Bobby and April appeared to be the only adults at the skating rink. Don't tell me those two are supposed to single-handedly chaperone half an elementary school. Another good one. Maybe the other adults are on the sidelines?

- A lot has been said about Cally's paintings. Most of it not good. I, for one like the bright colors and bold shapes. They exude an aura of simplicity and childlike innocence. In fact, that's the kind of stuff I'd like to hang in my new house. I don't think they're that bad...I think people singled out the one of Southfork because it really looked kind of like a finger painting. But I guess that's why we're not art critics.

AHN Jake's corner:

- The mountains in the background when Ellie and Clayton stopped at the gas station looked more like the West, like California or Nevada, not Texas. But then again, it's really not Texas. No. In fact, I daresay it's Montana, where the final bit of the episode was shot.

- I noticed that Ellie was biting off the cap of her Coke bottle...or trying to.   That's real nice.

- When Clayton laughed after the gas station owner said "We're all hoping they'll find oil and we'll all be rich," I just wanted to slap him.  It wasn't funny in the least. I guess not. This whole thing was weird.

- Clayton knocks on the door of the boarding house, waits two and a half seconds, then knocks again.  We're real patient, now aren't we, Clayton?

- Christopher asked a girl to go skating with him?  Come one!  He's like 8. 8 year-olds don't like girls...they think they're icky.  First Christopher is doing square roots of numbers in the thousands, now he's asking girls to go skating, before you know it he's going to be wanting birth control. Oh, yeah, and John Ross is like 10. Smooth my ass. Well put. I totally agree.

- Ellie and Clayton didn't think of the clock?  It had a keyhole.  Ah, but that was after they started looking through "Jock's eyes." And failed miserably at first. Funny how Clayton was able to channel the spirit of Jock and Ellie wasn't. That must be a result of Ellie selling out her family over the years.

- Ellie says, "Is it a map of some kind?"  Yes, Ellie, you're real quick.

- J.R. says John Ross will be coming home soon...in a few weeks.  That's not soon.   He's only been there two weeks...maybe even less. Well, it would have been kind of strained for him to say, "No, not soon..."

- Cally tells Alex she just came in to finish her painting.  She tells him she's done.  Then he says he's going to come to catch up on her later. Why? She's done! She won't be there! Outstanding! How did I miss that?

AHN Analise's corner:

- When Ellie and Clayton came back to the old building where Sparks was the next morning, she claimed that she bought the town of Pride.  Now I guess this means that she bought the main buildings there.  But here is the nit.  How could she do that?   Is she assuming that the titles to all of the buildings are in one central location and not with the actual owners?  Building owners, even those in a ghost town, usually keep ownership papers and copies of documents like records of property tax payments with THEM, in a vault or in some safe place.  There is no way that within one evening, she could have had access to all of them, including the owners (who are probably no where near Pride, would you be??), had the purchase papers drawn, and be able to get a certified cashier's checks to buy all of those buildings.  Not even Super Ellie could do this in the real world!  And we haven't seen Super Harve in a while either!  It isn't like Ellie could put all of these purchases on her American Express Platinum card!   This bugged me big time!  You can't close deals on real estate without the certified funds nor can you do this without the signatures of ALL of the owners.   Makes me realize that the writers must have majored in macrame in college! This is a good point. I assumed that the bank had foreclosed on pretty much everything of value in Pride, and so I graciously granted that one entity owned most of the stuff. As you've said, there's very little to interest anyone in this little town, so I would assume that they just turned everything over to the government or something. It's a stretch, though...I'm sure you're right about this.

AHN Mike's corner:

- Christopher's date: are we surprised those Ewing boys start early on girls. But wouldn't Bobby and Chris avoid the roller skating rink like the plague after the Lisa Alden affair? Looks like a different rink, but that's a good point. Jason reminds us that the other rink was an ICE rink.

- I know the scene with Kendall was to get James over as a young JR ladykiller type but they really destroyed her character, making her such a tramp. That's what happens when you get your one big break and you don't have contract control over your character. Besides, how smooth can James be after he fails to get over on Sly who admitted recently she has no man in her life? James is NOT smooth. Kendall must need it really bad. I can't understand that...that girl should be able to have any guy she wants, shouldn't she? She's BUILT! I'll light her fire any night...

- Miss Ellie must have been Kim Basinger's role model when she bought that town in Mississppi. But why buy the whole town? Wouldn't it have been easier and cheaper just to buy the boarding house. They would have jumped at any offer to unload it. Maybe she figures she might have to dig deeper than just the boarding house...or maybe it was a package deal, as I suggested. Buy the boarding house, and get the rest of the town for only a few bucks more.

- Only a farm girl like Cally would have understood that vague goose/gander metaphor Alex used, but I bet she ran for the dictionary after he left when he used the word "dichotomy". I will be the first to admit that I did not understand the part before "goose/gander". I totally hate this guy, more than Ozwald, more than Van Buren...more than even Mark Graison.

Episode 314: Fathers and Other Strangers

Bonehead Dialogue of the Day: [courtesy of me and Jason]

>Cliff: "If you see me there, I'll be there."

No comment.

Angelica Award: A tie between Vanessa's striped green jacket [nominated by Jason] or James's sweater also purchased during the estate auction of Nicholas Pearce [nominated by Val].

Carter's instant tantrum meter: 1. In his office again.

- Cally confuses the heck out of me today. She expresses surprise that Vanessa would come all the way to Dallas just to find her son. Excuse me, little filly...wouldn't ANY mother do this to make sure her son was all right? What's even more confusing is that in the next scene Cally says she understands that Vanessa must have been worried sick about her son. Make up your mind, Cally.

- During the "BILC" pool scene between Sly and James, during the moment where Sly is walking towards the pool and the cameraman can't seem to tear the lens away from her butt, her dialogue is very poorly dubbed. Same thing when Cliff is walking into his office after arguing with JR.

- James's statement that his accent was learned in New Jersey at the age of ten is ridiculous. Accents are learned at a very young age - during the period when a child first learns to talk. By five, you've usually got your accent. It can be modified later in life but traces will always remain. I would be remiss if I did not mention that Alett alluded to this yesterday, but I thought I'd wait until we got an official explanation.

- Ellie also suffers from the weird dialogue bug. She tells the waiter at the diner that the Ewing name is "special" to her. Well, I would hope so, Ellie! It was YOUR name for about forty years.

- Oh, boy. Now here's a really bad one. Ellie says that Jock's letter, ostensibly written in the mid-40's, is addressed "to his son". Very interesting in light of the fact that Jock had TWO sons at the time. JR was born in 1939, and Gary was born three years later.

From Emily: J.R. and Vanessa could not have had James.  They both have blue eyes and our young James has brown eyes!  I guess that the casting director must not have studied genetics! Quite an outstanding first nit, Emily!

AHN Kyle's corner:

- Why in the world would Bobby tell Christopher about Vanessa? "And then there was this lady that really, really wanted to do the nasty with Uncle JR..." (of course, she did warn them about the whole OPEC thing...)

- Cliff is prone to some pretty wild rants, but his suggestion of being a better oil man than Bobby and JR was absolutely ridiculous! Even he can't possibly believe that. Last time I checked, he has made one oil deal...ever. Give me a break. It is pretty lame for Cliff to try and say he's accomplished something.

- Phyllis tells the guys that a Weststar tanker has just crashed. Bobby then says "a Weststar SUPER-tanker!". I'm not too familiar with offshore operations, but how does Bobby know it was a super tanker? Phyllis never said that (did she?). Are all Weststar tankers super-tankers? I think the prefix "super" is somewhat arbitrary. I have less knowledge than you do about offshore operations, but I'd be willing to bet that there is no hard and fast demarcation line between regular tankers and super tankers.

- True, JR's celebrating over the oil spill was in poor taste, but Bobby and Cliff's preachings about the environment left a bad taste in my mouth. They're freaking oil men!! How many healthy acres of land have they pillaged? Millions, probably. Kind of strange. Well, as you pointed out in Cliff's case, no one can ever accuse him of pillaging land. Bobby might be a different story here.

AHN Jason's corner:

- The cafe owner tells Ellie and Clayton that he just got off the phone with the "Ewings and Mallories"....  So did these people have car phones?   Rather unlikely.. I know this is a moot point b/c it was a lie but worth mentioning... I don't think it was a lie at all - I bet Stanley Mallory called his folks and they called the diner back. Maybe they were at a hotel or something. Clearly the farmhouse is not very far from Kalispell, perhaps a few hours, so this seems plausible.

- Ellie seems rather rushed to get this plot over with...(Can't really blame her.) but she DID want an adventure so her sudden cold feet is surprising.. I agree. She seemed very oxy here.

- Sarah Ewing talks about how her brotherS and husband helped Jock and Tom escape.   Yet when Jock returns he only saved A brother, so did the others already die by that point? I guess so.

- Ok  on to my favorite type of nit...  the liberal use of time..  in this episode it is said that "Jock died 7 years ago"  and "John Ross is 11"   let's see...  it is fall 1989  Jock died in fall 1981 so that is really 8 years ago maybe 8 1/2 ..  John Ross was born in 1979 and should be 10 maybe 10 and 1/2.    We could argue that one year didn't exist b/c of the dream.  This could explain the Jock error but that would put the John Ross estimate way off..  and a few episodes ago, they were counting the Dream year in estimating the years since Jock's passing...  Anyone confused yet? I was going to do some math but you saved me the trouble. Someone is very confused here...perhaps more than one person. At this point, you can be sure that the writers are "counting" the dream season. Perhaps what Ellie meant was that Jock was "declared" dead seven years ago, but this is pretty dumb. And John Ross is definitely 10. This is egregiously ignorant from Bobby. Then again, he thinks his son is going through puberty.

-  Just a note..  Sasha uses way to many hand movements when he speaks... it is hilarious.. I suspect it's to draw attention away from his horribly delivered dialogue. Kind of like the way lazy wrestlers stomp on the mat for effect when they throw punches. The good ones don't have to.

- I think the Dallas writers could have made a better show of suspense on the revelation of James as JR's son if they did not have him say it to Vanessa before the commercial break. It could have come out for the first time at the end of the episode and worked (slightly) better. I agree. I don't know why they chose not to do this. Perhaps because it was so obvious, even yesterday, that James was his son.

- I found it really dumb for JR to think that Vanessa had given birth to James before they had their affair. It seems unlikely that she would have never mentioned him at all during the affair.  Also she would have been rather out of shape and -pardon my frankness-  kinda sore down there if she had given birth a few months before..not like the "babe" that stole JR's heart... I don't recall all of the details here, so I think you're right.

- Just a note.. did anyone else see a sexual connotation to Cliff saying to JR'mine's bigger than yours is' .. Definite pen..errrr   Manhood comparision.. Hmm  wonder what Marilee would say to this.. Marilee would want both "offices".

- I found it hard to believe that the "Ewings and Mallories" could not find Jock after the war..  I mean he was a millionaire.. and we know how much the media liked the Ewings.. Very true. Pick up a newspaper! Good point.

- Bobby gave a sex ed talk to an 8 year old.. Come on.. the kid is going to messed up.   No 8 year old thinks of sex.. more like 12-13 year olds.. I agree. Ridiculous.

AHN Val's corner:

- April's apartment has only one bathroom. ONE!!! Ok, let me get this straight...She's a mulitmillionaire. She owns the building. She even knocked down some walls to expand her own apartment. Also, with Michelle living there, she must have at least two bedrooms. So, WHY only one bathroom?!?!? Your guess is as good as mine. I guess even she's not megalomaniacal enough to have two bathrooms just for herself. Remember that Shelly's just a houseguest at this point.

- Why didn't Lucy summon Cally to the phone when Alex called? She was just upstairs. Too lazy to climb the steps, Lucy? Hey...you're right! Good point.

- Jackie stated that "dull is starting to sound pretty good" in reference to all the bickering among the Ewing Oil partners. Of course dull sounds good, Jackie!!! Dull means boring and boring means that you don't have to do any work. You can just do your nails. You mean she doesn't? Are you implying she does WORK? :)

AHN Mike's corner:

- Nobody noticed Sly wore earrings into the pool. I found that strange. That was an unflattering bathing suit, unlike the ones she wore at the pool when she was double-agenting for JR with Cliff. I did notice a hint of cellulite at the top back of her thighs. It wasn't a GREAT suit, but it was all right. And Sly can be forgiven for putting on a few pounds.

- James couldn't possibly be JR's son if all he has is that one stupid line about waking up with a smile on your face. I guess he kept using it till it failed - and it did with Sly. He's got a long way to go.

- Leave it to Miss Ellie to find the only Black man in Montana. AAP/EEO must have been coming down on the Dallas casting people during this season. We got Black actors as Cliff's PI, the gas station guy in Pride and the sole Black living in Montana. Thank goodness TV finally started giving Blacks significant roles in recent years or we never would have had the privilege of seeing great actors like Andre Braugher of "Homicide" and Steve Harris of "The Practice".

- I noticed Kendall had a new straight hairstyle. Must have been "scared straight" from her night with James. Doesn't surprise me one bit.

- I'm sure the Ewings of Montana were pleased that Miss Ellie left their fence gate open so the chickens could come in and crap on their lawn.

- And speaking of crap, Carter McKay threw another great "kill the messenger" temper tantrum but the censors must have gotten to him because he said "Don't give me that GARBAGE." instead of "crap". He'll be back to "crap" tomorrow.

- Back to Montana, what was with the miltary music when Ellie and Ox went to the back of the house? i half expected the third house on the street to have B.D. Calhoun on the mailbox. That would have been interesting.

Episode 315: Black Tide

Bonehead Dialogue of the Day: [courtesy of Jason]

>JR before McKay's conference: "Fasten your seat belts, Here comes the hot air."

Angelica Award: Michelle's cartilage-stretching earrings during her treasure hunt.

- The news reporter tells Bobby and JR that the Weststar press conference is supposed to be right after their "long" lunch. How long exactly is this lunch? When the Ewings settle in to watch it, it's clearly night time.

- During the final scene, we see Cally begin to walk back into her room and nearly disappear from our hallway view. When James calls her and she turns around, she's suddenly way in front of the door.

From Brian Coker: I'd like to submit a big nit that struck me, as a business degree holder and a law student, as being quite flagrant. Cliff announces that he will assemble a blue ribbon panel to investigate the oil spill.  Well that's kind of ironic, because as a full partner in Ewing Oil at the time the incident took place, Cliff can be found just as liable as Bobby or J.R. for the damages.  The fact that he resigned at the McKay's press conference does nothing to clear him of potential liability. This is a great catch, Brian! I appreciate you pointing this out.

AHN Alett's corner:

- When JR is on the phone with Halladay, he has his fingers over the mouthpiece. I was waiting for Halladay to say, "JR, is that really you?" Good one.

- During Carter's news conference, first the camera cuts back to Cally, and she's out of focus. Next Carter has already begun, and he conveniently pauses so JR can make comments to James. That was awfully convenient. Another good one.

- I thought the oil in the pool was a nice touch except for the barrel with "Ewing Oil" scrawled on it just for the camera's benefit. I guess the perpetrators set the scene like a political cartoon, but "Duh" do the Ewings really need this clue? Also JR's assessment that some "bleeding heart idiots" did this is more accurate than Bobby's idea that JR doesn't get it "When the average guy on the street is angry enough to do something like this." OK, Dallas is not some hick town, but my image of the average guy on the street comes closer to someone driving a pickup truck with a long neck beer on the seat and a dog hanging out the window. This pool stunt seems more likely the work of an environmental activist. I think you're right about it being the work of activists. Actually, the barrel is sort of a nice touch if you think about it. Suppose someone came to the ranch with the intent of vandalizing the pool. How would they get the oil there? In a barrel. What would they do with the barrel once they were finished pouring the oil? They would toss it in the pool. Certainly they wouldn't bother taking it with them as they left.

AHN Kyle's corner:

- Again, the Ewing tanker received a 1.2 rating out of what? 5? 10?? Either way, it's bad, and I guess that's all that matters. Agreed. Be nice to have a frame of reference, though.

- Very good scene when Cliff shows up at the Weststar press conference. So good that I really think it should have been at the END of the show. Tough call. Would have been difficult to milk a whole hour out of Bobby planning his PR moves and McKay planning his PR moves.

- Ah, the famous Ellie shuffle. Trouble strikes...time to sequester the mother! I can just picture Clayton during these scenes: "No, Ellie! Don't turn on the TV!!" I wonder what he does in these situations.

- Pretty crappy ending for a solid episode. I wonder why they deemed that James' closing scene to be worthy of a finale. I really think it should have been Cliff's defection (and then put all the other Cliff stuff in the next episode). Sigh... The ending totally sucked. Certainly they could have done better than this. Though I still think that Cliff's defection pretty much HAD to be in the middle.

AHN Jason's corner:

- How would Cliff know that JR and April have slept together? I can't imagine that she would tell him that. I'll have to do some research on this...I certainly can't imagine that April told him; other than JR and April, the only people who know are Cally and Bobby. Can't see it coming from any one of them either. Unless snooping Michelle found out somehow.

- So why is Jackie still at Ewing Oil if Cliff is gone? Cleaning out the office, I guess.

- Sly got Halliday on the phone really fast.

- Notice that there is a mob outside JR's office when Cliff comes in with the ugly painting, then when he leaves, they are not seen. Where did they go?  Did the Phantom expel them? Perhaps the secretaries actually did their job and cleaned house.

- James and Vanessa talk about going for a swim (in the park?) but they are both fully dressed up. That was bizarre. Totally didn't understand.

- Just a note, Cliff has now messed up his chances to bed BOTH Stevens sisters. Did he ever really have a chance with April? I suppose he had the opportunity.

AHN Val's corner:

- Only one nit today.... Bobby said he hoped this oil slick doesn't hit the Texas coast. Uh, Bob, what about the coasts of Mexico, Louisiana, Mississippi, Florida, etc.  Excellent point. Or maybe this oil has a homing device?

AHN Mike's corner:

- As you predicted, McKay got back to "crap" in this episode. I loved how the AAP/EEO lawyers had the camera pan McKay's employees lined up in his office to make sure they showed the token Black. It was a nice touch.

- As much as I hate the Michelle character, I have to admit she is the new "Tommy". Her heel personna and deviousness is driving just about every plot right now. But why does the camers show her from the kness down every time she enters a room? I suspect that without that stupid featherduster hairdo and the overabundance of makeup, she might be rather attractive. I know she eventually hooks up with James but I can't remember if they turn her babyface as well. That would be monumental turn worthy of Vince McMahon if they do it. I'll reserve comment for the "I think" this week.

- Money must cover a multitude of sins. Cliff is getting very old-looking. His hair is thin all over and requires a lot of coverup to make it look like he's not bald. His facial expression and other physical quirks are laughable. he's a whiner and a loser. Yet he still gets the babes. Incredible! Of course, if he keeps turning it down when it's offered...... I think that's where his problem is.

- A blue ribbon panel? Yeah, that'll be real effective. They'll probably determine it was a lone gunman who fired the single bullet that caused both tankers to collide.

- Where's the old JR? The old JR would have immediately sumised Al "the pal" had betrayed him and started planning his revenge. I forget whether Al the Pal gets away with this or not.

- The crack Ewing/Southfork security people failed once again as the pool gets "oiled".

- It was very unlike that weasel Cliff to come to the office after he backstabbed the Ewings on TV. He should have been afrai that Bobby, at a minimum, would beat the crap out of him (which he didn't and was out of character for fast-fists Bobby). It would have been more typical to just send Jackie to take the heat and to stay away. It's Michelle's influence I guess. I would have loved to see Bobby tank him.

- Carter McKay looked much thinner in the face in his scene with Michelle. Could that fat load have lost weight? By the way, George Kennedy gets more out of less hair than anyone since Harvey Korman. he has taken what little air he has, grown it very long, parted it at the ear on one side and artfully crafted it to look like a lot more than is really there. I think he did lose some weight. Good point about the hair.

Episode 316: Daddy's Dearest

Bonehead Dialogue of the Day: [courtesy of Alett]

>April: If ever two people deserve each other, it's you and Cliff.
>Cliff: Hey, that sounds like an insult.
You're sharp today, Cliff.

Angelica Award: Bobby's striped shirt and dotted tie don't match. Nominated by Jason.

Carter's instant tantrum meter: 1. At Ewing Oil.

- When Cally comes to the exercise room hoping to be alone, she doesn't really seem dressed for a workout. Was she just coming there to mope?

- JR suggests that James move in to Cliff's old Ewing Oil office. Wait a minute; wasn't Cliff's office bigger than JR's? Shouldn't JR move in there, and then let James have his office?

- Something James said rung a bell. When he's talking to JR about being devoted to a partner, he says that he wishes he was lucky enough to find a soul mate. Just kind of seems interesting...I can't comment further because of the "no spoilers" rule.

- Bobby also seems to suffer from situational amnesia. He tells JR that it looks like he's finally succeeded in burying Ewing Oil. Ah, not quite "finally", Bobby. He did it once before, remember?

Introducing AHN Alett's corner:

- April delivers Shelly's clothes in mostly garbage bags. Since they don't fit in her suitcases, she must have been doing a lot of shopping. I thought she was essentially broke. Or she's raking up one heck of a Visa bill to sport enticing gear like that little red number James (the method actor supreme) was drooling over.

- What's with all the crowd scenes? I counted seven golden opportunities for extras. In fact, that seems to be the only reason for the meeting with Harve Smithfield on the bridge. The air conditioning is out in his building. Please. Maybe there's another reason for the scene with Harve - It's time for the Ewings to get a new lawyer! No, actually that's not the reason. The real reason is to avoid getting another set for Harve's office. It's CHEAPER to shoot outside, even though you may have to pay a few extras.

- And one last thought - Sasha Mitchell and Keanu Reeves - separated at birth. Oh, definitely.

AHN Kyle's corner:

- Not much going on here today so I thought I do a little geography work. Although Lucy was speaking figuratively, London is NOT as far away from Dallas as possible. That distinction would likely fall to a somewhere in Central Russia or Western Mongolia. Any further East and you start to get closer. Technically, this is a nit, so I'll allow it.

- Cliff hasn't slept with Michelle yet?? HA ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! In the words of Eric Cartman "That is sooooo lame!". I totally agree. At first I thought she might just be lying, but on second thought, I doubt it. Cliff IS that lame.

- Although the scene with J.R. reading the letter was quite well done, I think that the letter may have been a little TOO relevant. I was half expecting Jock to write "...and don't let that idiot, 9-year old Barnes drag you down, either". Yeah, I agree that it seemed quite a bit prescient. But it doesn't matter because this is another example of how, in the words of Eric Cartman, "today I learned that Jock Ewing [yet again] KICKS ASS!"

AHN Jason's corner:

- Debbie has a new skimpy Oil Baron outfit.. what is with the dress code at this place? I have no idea. It looks REALLY good on her, though.

- JR tells John Ross that his fling with Vanessa happened long before he MET Sue Ellen.. not quite..  It happened in 1968-1969 or so . He met Sue Ellen in 1967... Your favorite type of nit, isn't it? However, I should point out that Marilee says that James could be Cally's older brother, which means that at this point he could be up around 24 or 25. In that case it would have been before meeting Sue Ellen, but not LONG before.

- How could Cliff be in the Senate's investigation committee? He is not a senator, or even that politically active, he was a partner in Ewing Oil and clearly has a vendetta...   Come on, hardly a wise choice.. From a politician's standpoint, this is absolutely unconscionable. Detractors would pile up on all sides. I guess at the time, public sentiment would be so completely against the big oil companies that it might not matter.

- Ahmer, do you have an official date as to when Gary was born?  Could Ellie have been pregnant when Jock left, so he didn't know?  That may explain this situation. I'm fairly certain about this...give me a minute to pull out the "Dallas" book...okay, here we go. It says here at one point that JR was almost five when Gary was born; and at another point that Gary was eighteen when Bobby was ten. Though the writers didn't hold true to the years, I'm certain that the point is that JR and Gary were born BEFORE Jock went to the war, and Bobby was born afterwards.

- As if I didn't have enough not to like about Shelley, she pulled out my favorite pet peeve again.. She barely wets her lips with her white wine then gives it back to James. I noticed.

- Boy, what that a hard scene to watch with her and James...  My two least favorite characters interacting.... Thank god JR was in the first scene because it was painful watching them banter in his office....  on the plus side, having those two in scenes together means that hopefully they will be in less scenes with characters I enjoy. I'd say that's true. Essentially, they will end up forming a wacky triangle with Cally.

- Listen to Ellie's footsteps when she leaves JR's office. She seems to have been walking on gravel. I'll take your word for it.

AHN Analise's corner:

-Big legal nit!  Westar can sue Ewing Oil, but they CANNOT sue Bobby Ewing personally no matter how red in the face McKay gets.  Ewing Oil is a corporation and all executives and or stockholders are protected by this entity being a corporation. Therefore Bobby cannot personally be sued for anything that Ewing Oil is accused of doing. This was a stupid nit. I realized this too. Thanks for confirming.

- Also, McKay looks pretty stupid threatening to sue for anything he can think of.   Too bad it wasn't recorded.  A defense attorney would have a field day with that. Thanks again. I had a feeling that this was ill-advised.

- Why didn't John Ross call James a Half Breed??  It would have been great!   Heck, I was waiting for it. That would have been a true mark-out moment! You're right.

- Hey Lucy, you aren't a surrogate mother!  Why the heck was she acting like that??   This is Cally's job. Probably sublimating her childlessness.

AHN Mike's corner:

- What is up with that glass display case on the left side of the screen when we're in the Ewing gym? They must be using a real exercise room at a hotel instead of a built set. Looks like the place where the attendant sits as you enter the gym. I didn't notice that. I'll have another look.

- I can't believe nobody noticed Lucy's black thong see-through tights workout outfit. Her butt cheeks were hanging out all over the screen. I'm surprised James didn't drop the barbell on himself when she came in. Not that it would have hurt him. Looked to me like he was doing 50 lbs. on a 25 pound bar - the wimp. Later he appeared to be curling a whopping 30 pounds on a light curling bar. If I was Sasha Mitchell I would have put it into my contract that i wouldn't have to do Ewing gym scenes with Bobby, who is the only really strong actor in the cast. Mitchell looks like a wimp by comparison. I would have liked to see Ray and James in a lifting contest.

- JR was going to need a rhinoplasty after all the lies he told John Ross about his environmentalism and his relationship with Ray. That's always good for a laugh.

- A good Ox moment when he roughed up the reporter at the airport. When he got home he was wearing McKay's leather vest in the bedroom scene with Miss Ellie. I guess it reminds him of the range war and gets him all hot and bothered. i wonder if Miss Ellie has a sack teddy on nights when she wants to get him frisky? That's rather disturbing. As Homer Simpson would say..."Ooooh...John Denver."

- The onceover James gave Marilee when she came to their table was priceless. Had to rewind and watch again. On the other hand, that visual mating dance with Michelle in JR's office was woefully lame and downright painful to watch. I think we're all agreed on that.

- Did they cut a scene out after Jackie is assigned to be James' secretary? Shouldn't she have been shown waking up with a smile on her face? The Jackie character is the least hit upon woman on this show. Even Miss Ellie gets hit on more. I don't remember the early seasons when Jackie and Pam worked together at The Store, but I can't recall any male showing interest in Jackie in the last several seasons. She's not unattractive and she has a good bod. She just needs a more normal looking hair color. Maybe it's just that nobody gets past Kendall at the reception desk. We all know what an easy mark she is for any enterprising young male with a decent line. Well, I think you know how I feel about Jackie...she's in my 5 group. I don't really find her too great. On the other hand, she does seem to be the quiet, mousy type - they're a lot of fun when you get them alone.

- In the Michelle scene in JR's office, Larry Hagman had a bad case of the shakes when he tried to hold up the bankbook. I guess this was the height of his drinking problems. Also, he's back to wearing a rug where there a bad color mismatch with his real hair on the sides. If I remember correctly, I read somewhere that Larry would often be tipsy on the set during the later years. Anything to combat the boredom.

- I could swear those toilet seat cover earrings on Michelle have been worn by other females on the show in previous seasons. I remember commenting on them. Man the budget must really be tight if they started recycling the jewelry!

- Can you say "Loser"? That's Cliff. He still hasn't slept with Michelle? INCREDIBLE! It's not like she's holding out or anything. She submitted in less time than most prostitutes in her scene with James. If we didn't have some evidence to the contrary, I would say that Cliff is gay. Here's an interesting question: does anyone remember the last woman that Cliff slept with [for sure]?

AHN Jake's corner:

- James says to Lucy about J.R., "You don't like him, do you?"  NO CRAP. James also says to Lucy about J.R., "Sue Ellen doesn't like him, does she?" Another no-brainer. Expository dialogue like this is always tough. But it is a nice way to recap the action for anyone who may have forgotten.

- J.R. tells John Ross he will explain about his new brother in the car. Yet he starts to tell him in the airport. This is iffy...it's obviously uppermost on his mind.

- Michelle yells at April: "You ruined my clothes."  Not quite, darling; she WRINKLED your clothes! To some women, it's the same thing.

- Cliff says he can't stand messy.  That was almost funny.  It's more like he can't stand clean.

- Ellie says she got home just in time.  Not quite!  She got home at a bad time.   Maybe she means she got home before things got really bad, but it still sounded odd.

- Did they cut the scene where Ellie was introduced to James?  Or did they not film it?  I don't see why they wouldn't film it. They probably cut it out. I didn't notice.

- Someone comments on how if Cliff runs the committee, they will target Ewing Oil.   Like they wouldn't target Ewing Oil anyway.  Maybe not as much (seeing they're not obsessed with revenge) but they would be looking in to Ewing Oil.  Just seemed odd. I think they mean not as much without Cliff. 

Episode 317: Hell's Fury

Bonehead Dialogue of the Day: [courtesy of Alett]

>Alex: JR is a fool and an idiot.
Now the distinction between these two would be.....?

Angelica Award: The gregariously underdressed waitress at the Galveston bar, with that tight red top, her ample bust popping out and her bra strap showing. Nominated by Alett. Honorable mention goes to Lucy's pink, purple and blue exploding marble T-shirt, nominated by Val.

- I was kind of surprised by John Ross's statement that he wanted an older brother. Usually, aren't kids looking for baby siblings, since that's generally the only choice they've got?

- An interesting note: the producers managed to recycle a couple! Captain Bouleris is played by the same actor who was an oil market agent for JR in Season 3, and his wife is played by the same actress who was Sue Ellen's gynecologist in Season 1.

- After Cliff tells Michelle about the two troublesome committee members, Michelle is able to pick them out from a TV screen! How is that possible? This is obviously the first time Cliff has mentioned them. Is it simply because they are both the token committee members [African-American and female, respectively]? Alett pointed this out too.

- Kay tells Bobby that the Justice Department is considering taking back Ewing Oil's charter. But back in Episode 281, the DoJ dudes told Bobby and Dave Culver that the charter would be subject to review after one year. That year has expired, and since Ewing Oil is still in existence, I assume it passed the review. So why is the DoJ still involved? [That's a rhetorical question, by the way. I know the answer, and for the record, I do NOT like it. That troublemaking Kay should have stayed in Washington.]

AHN Kyle's corner:

- The GALVESTON, TEXAS by-line seemed a little unnecessary. I thought they only used that when someone was outside the state of Texas. For instance, I don't remember there being an indicator when Pam went to Corpus Christi. She just sort of said "I'm going to CC" and that was that. Ahhhh the good old days. It was totally unnecessary, as was the "Austin" by-line.

- How MANY times has this whole John Ross and Christopher melodrama been used? My word, it feels like at least a hundred. Apparently John Ross is playing the role of the happy child, whereas Christopher is stuck (yet again) with the role of the jilted lover. Time for some new issues for these two. Difficult without mothers. I never realized how much the kids' storylines revolved around the parents - until now.

- That scene with J.R., Michelle, and James in the hotel room reminded me of the very first episode (Digger's Daughter, I think) when J.R was watching Cliff head ANOTHER committee. Kind of has a neat symmetry to it. I noticed that too. It is very interesting.

AHN Jason's corner:

- Just a note James and John Ross on a motorcycle.. rather dangerous to take a young kid riding like that.. jut imagine if he was Pam's kid and James tried to do that... That boy would have the smackdown laid on him so fast it'd make his pretty boy head spin. He wouldn't be allowed to play with Bobby at Ewing Oil any more.

- Bobby comments that using a dart board to vent out on a person who has hurt you isn't a great idea Actually it is a pretty good way to let off some steam without hurting anyone.... and nice picture of John Ross. Looks like something an actor would give a casting director. It probably is. Good catch.

- How did Lucy know where Michelle was living?  She barely knows Michelle and apparently hasn't spoken to Cliff in a long time...and if I was Lucy I would have gone with Cally, if nothing else to make sure she didn't drive her car into a ditch or have an accident because she was so upset. Wouldn't it have been ironic if Cally's car had been hit by a car driven by Al the Pal, just as she was coming out of Southfork lane? Then Lucy would have been passively responsible for TWO such accidents.

AHN Alett's corner:

- It seems JR nominated Lucy for the "Lucy Award" when she complains that more families Jock saved might move into Southfork and he says,"Lucy, we'll give them your room. Lord knows it will be put to better use." That was a great zinger. Unfortunately, the Lucy award has to go to April today.

- And who died? Everyone at dinner at Southfork is wearing black. That was somewhat out of place. Could just be a coincidence.

- When the unnamed investigator wonders why they haven't yet questioned Captain Jack since he's a key witness, it's just more proof the Ewings need to