Nitpicks [88-89 Season]

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Episode 282: Carousel

Bonehead Dialogue of the Day:

>Detective Kane: "Whoa, whoa. This is exactly what I didn't want." -Kane to JR and Swellen in an effort to halt their bickering.
Hey Detective, what did you expect? They clearly hate each other (so much so that she shot him). Did he think they would kiss and make up??

Angelica award: April's animal print jacket. Sue Ellen's wacky trips to the stylist should also be considered.

I'll leave it to the AHNs' comprehensive efforts again today, except for one thing: Cliff tells this Lemay dude that he's been searching for Pam "ever since she disappeared". Uh, no. You've been reliving your father's past, and you've been squeezed by JR in his bid to take over Weststar, and you've hung out with a few blondes, Cliff. I wouldn't exactly call you devoted to the search.

Tom Blackburn asked: Did you notice that the clinic where Pam is living is the same exterior shot as Dr. Elby's office? The only thing missing was Sue Ellen's old cream colored station wagon.

From Dave O:

- The exterior of the hotel that Cliff and April stay out looks familiar. I think it was actually the apartment building that Rebecca Wentworth lived in. Quite possibly.

- Sue Ellen seems to be in a pretty good mood during parts of this episode despite everything that has happened. It seems like she forgot about Nick in about 2 seconds. Very convenient so we can move on.

- BTW Doesn't Nick have a funeral? If there was one for him Sue Ellen sure wasn't there. There is a reason for this. Won't say what it is...yet. [No spoiler rule in effect]

- There is a quick cut during the scene at the hospital where Lucy brings John Ross to her mother. You see a red car in the fire lane moving then there is a cut and suddenly the car is parked. Good one. Didn't notice.

- BTW I don't know much about cars but that car in the fire lane looks like the same one that Cliff and April rented. I will check.

-Where exactly did Sue Ellen and John Ross stay after Lucy brought him to her. South Fork? Not a chance. Nicks apartment? Doubt it. I do know that she does buy a house pretty soon. Perhaps in a hotel for the time being. They might say in tomorrow's episode.

AHN Jason's corner:

-  Just a note... I'd like to say that usually the casting directors and writers have us really suspend our disbelief when they change actors in a role (Jenna, Digger, Ellie, Gary  etc..)  but in this case they found a very realistic looking Pam in Margaret Michaels....  Her resemblance to Victoria Principal is pretty remarkable...   I for one really wished that they brought her back as Pam....  but I guess since Dallas fans aren't too kind to actors who replace the originals..  (Donna Reed as Ms. Ellie and Steve Forrest as the possible Jock) they decided not to have Pam come back as a regular.... Too bad, I think it would have been a good choice... I have to think about this a bit...whether the memory of Vicki is more important than the impact of the Pam character. Give me some time.

- OK, let's get through with this Curse of the new season hairdos......(pretty obvious considering we have so few main line females):
- Sue Ellen's looked Ok in the first scene... maybe a bit straighter than in the last episode of the 10th season.. then it turned into some kind of poofy perm... But not for long! Then it became sort of Sabrina, the Teenage Witch.

- Bobby seems to have a new shorter do.. And less hair.

- April's looks a bit longer than "yesterday". Jackie has flattened hers out too. Lucy has some weird "pile on the top" do. She has less hair too. Seems real thin.

- Kelly's hair has grown about six inches from her last episode... so maybe a week or so Dallas time..Sly....definitely different....

- How exactly did Lucy know that Bobby refused to let JR into his business again?    It doesn't seem like something Bobby with discuss with her since he knows how little she seems to care for Uncle JR. I wondered that too...maybe Bobby talked about it.

- What would JR do at Ewing Oil if he can't work in the Oil Business?  Talk about a redundant job... I wondered about this...we'll see. I don't remember what exactly he does.

- Where is Kendall's desk at JRE located?  Sly's seems to be in the outer office... She might be around the corner...when she's there. Hard to say.

- Just a note.. Linda Gray is a beautiful woman but she was looking very old in this episode...  the skin on her face was starting to sag... Well, it's not over for her yet...I believe that she was going through some real personal problems at this time. Parents dying or something like that. By the time Models Inc. and the Dallas movies came around, she was FINE.

- JR's doctor says that he had two shots that passed through with no damage...  well what about the third? Must have totally missed. Sue Ellen sucks at shooting.

AHN Kyle's corner:

- It was strange how Sue Ellen was being interrogated today. It seemed rather informal (i.e. it was in an office, not an interrogation room, and she was standing up) and yet there was a stenographer AND a tape recorder. This doesn't seem like standard police procedure. She seems much luckier than Cliff, who doesn't have a good time with the cops. I don't get it.

- Ha! My parents were wrong. Its been a long time coming, but today we actually get to see Bobby's ears (refuting Mom and Dad's theory that he has NO ears). They couldn't find enough hair to put over it, I guess.

- We get to see a part of the Barnes Wentworth building (or to be accurate: the building in which Barnes Wentworth resides). It looks much classier than Cliff's K-Mart office. Why am I not surprised?

- Oh, boy! Its time for the monthly game of Musical Dallas Memorial Signs. The first two shots of DMH show a black sign with white printing. The third and fourth visits show a WHITE sign with BLACK printing on it. Furthermore, the entrance we see the first two times is NOT the same one as the one from the previous season (I distinctly recall Bobby running up some stairs-- seen in the 3rd and 4th visits). I really don't get it at all.

- Man, these Dallas hospitals. Ray gets stabbed in the abdomen and is discharged after a day. Now, JR gets shot (twice) and he barely even stays 48 hours.

- Shameful attempt on JR's part to get Bobby to make him a partner at Ewing Oil. Shame on JR for using Jock to exploit Bobby. He's just being good ol' JR. Jock would smack him down, though. That's true.

- If JR was serious about firing the Doctor if he was unwilling to assist him in his deception, then he damn well better fire all those nurses that revealed his cover story to Bobby. Yup. Maybe the nurses have a union.

- Why ISN'T Sue Ellen locked up?? She admitted to shooting JR (three times) and seemed visibly upset when she found out he wasn't dead. Maybe they should have held her overnight (at least). Perhaps she's out on bail....hard to say. In Texas, this seems unlikely, though.

- Why, why, why would Pam attend a party where there was even the slightest chance that an oil man would appear. It's a big country (or for that matter WORLD), honey. She'd be the worst hide and go seek player ever... Maybe it wasn't an oil man's party. Maybe it was a party for old, balding guys with funny accents.

- Today's sign that JR is rapidly sinking into fooldom: Here's a thought JR. Why not call the Wilson Institute and talk to your son. You must know that the Ewings can't escape the press, so why not try to talk to him?? Dumb. I really think I should have a response to this...but I don't. The only possibility that arises to me is that he doesn't want to take the chance that somebody might figure out where John Ross is by overhearing the conversation...but why take the chance that someone will find out some other way? Good call.

- Sue Ellen really doesn't seem that excited when she sees John Ross. Did Lucy talk to her before this? When?? Yes. I think you're right. Sue Ellen herself says that it's a 'surprise'.

- It was awfully convenient for JR to look out the window right when John Ross arrived. Must have read the script...

- Man, talk about your lousy luck, Pam. First your fiancee comes down with a terminal illness, then you get in a horrific accident, then YOU get a terminal disease. Lousy luck indeed. Runs in the family. Look at Christopher.

- What the HELL is JR going to do at Ewing Oil if it can't involve oil. Build bicycles in his office. Become a full time alcoholic? This is absurd. Summarized best by Bobby when he says: "for the time being, you stay here and do... whatever it is you're going to be doing." Clearly the writers don't know what he's going to do either. Give them a few days.

- I see that Kehly Gray has become Kehly Sloane over the off-season. Heartbreaking... I know, dude. When I think that some other guy out there is...oh, well. I better stop before I start brooding.

AHN Val's corner:

- When April's picture is shown in the opening credits, she is walking into Bobby's office. Yet the double doors that we all know as white is shown as pink. Seriously? I'll have to take a closer look.

- Why is Sue Ellen mad that JR is not dead? She should be counting her lucky stars that he's still alive. He is the only one who knows were John Ross is. I thought so too. She may have figured that John Ross's school would inform her sooner or later, but this seems like a very unreasonable chance to take.

- April introduces herself as Cliff's "associate". Associate what? Well, she got the first part right.

- Lucy sure was quick on her feet when talking to the guy from the Wilson School. She knew right away to introduce herself as a Ewing (even though she's really a Cooper). She also knew all the right things to say in getting the headmaster to spill the beans as to John Ross' whereabouts. Great time to grow a brain, Girl! Too bad she loses it in a week or so.

- At the same time, I am disturbed that the school would release John Ross to Lucy. They don't know her. If my son's preschool released him to anyone who claimed to be a Martin, there would be some hell to pay. In fact, we had one occasion where my husband had to pick our son up from school. The only reason the school released him was because my husband's name was on the admission forms as a person authorized to claim our son, AND they checked his picture ID. Plus the fact that our son kept calling him "Daddy! Daddy!" In Lucy's case, she had been gone for 3 years. I'm not certain that John Ross would remember her. Yes! Yes! I had a problem with this, but that's the final nail in the coffin. John Ross would NOT even remember Lucy. Excellent call. He doesn't even know she's in Dallas.
Jason adds:  I don't know...    He is now at least eight... so he was six when Lucy left...  I think a six year old would remember his cousin and they do have pictures around that he could see to remind him... Also Lucy still may have ID that says Lucy Ewing Cooper.... so she COULD prove that she is a Ewing... she admitted that she was his cousin so having a married name would be realistic....   also the headmaster was very concerned about obeying JR's orders and with him gone, he thought he was doing the right thing by letting a relative take John Ross to see him....seemed logical to me anyways.
Val responds: All in all, I'm still disturbed that the school would be careless enough to risk a child's safety (not to mention a lawsuit) by releasing John Ross to Lucy.  Sure, she said she was family.  And yes, maybe John Ross did recognize and remember her.  Oh yeah, and everything did turn out well--Lucy took John Ross to the hospital just like she said she would.  But it could have been entirely possible that Lucy's intentions were not as she stated.   She could have very well been a kidnapper.  I believe that's the reason JR gave for enrolling John Ross at the Ballard school secretly.  Certainly, the Wilson School administrators would have gotten wind of that vital piece of information when the papers were transferred between the schools.  In short, the school was taking a mighty big chance by taking Lucy at her word.
Jason responds: Ok, these are good points... the one comment I would like to make would be that I could see the concern about kidnappers if Lucy called the School... but they called Southfork itself and she answered...  I doubt kidnappers hang around potential kidnappees houses waiting for such info.... just my thought.. True enough...but you can't be too careful, I guess.

AHN Mike's corner:

- Sue Ellen goes on a hairstyle-changing rampage in this episode. First it's straight and flat at the police station, then its pouffy and permed at Southfork with Bobby, then back to straight and flat for her and JR at the police station. In reality, it's probably this way because they shot the post-murder scenes right after the cliffhanger and the rest of this episode after the hiatus. But it makes Sue Ellen look really shallow to have her getting a perm while JR is supposedly on death's bed and a pending murder
charge hanging over her head and at the same time her son is missing and her lover is dead. I noticed this. It's pathetic.

- Now we know why the Ewings get such good service at Dallas Memorial. It isn't a group discount for frequent patients after all, it's JR's contributions. But where was that prime reserved Ewing parking spot in front of the hospital? Some red car was already there.

- Sue Ellen would have deserved a murder charge. How dumb is it to submit to police questioning without your lawyer there and then dig a hole for yourself by wishing you had killed  him and expressing regret he's not dead? The only thing missing was a threat to go directly to the hospital room and finish the job. Excellent points.

- Did Bobby really need to bring his work gloves (tucked in his back pocket) to the hospital? Was he planning on branding JR or hog-tying him? I didn't notice. Good ones.

- Did anybody notice that five foot long flowered centerpiece at the Southfork dinner table? No, I must admit that no one else has.

- What's with this new character at the Oil Baron's Club - Mike the bartender? In one scene, he got more lines than poor Cassie got in several years. Plus he doesn't have to expose his chest to get camera time. I don't think he becomes anything close to the semi-regular that Cassie was.

AHN Jake's corner:

- J.R. says Nicholas threatened him physically and otherwise? What otherwise? Mentally?   "Oh, J.R....look at the swirling circle; I'm going to brainwash you.   You're getting sleepier and sleepier..." LOL! This is great.

- Sue Ellen says Lucy is the only Ewing she can trust?  How about John Ross or Miss Ellie?  Ellie's not technically a Ewing, but she can trust her son and Ellie more than Lucy. Neither of them is around at the time...I think this is just to illustrate the familial dichotomy.

- When Kehli comes in to Sue Ellen's office, she says, "Should I hold all your calls?"  Never asked that before, and other important people came in. Well, it's a new season...

- Why would the district attorney just drop the case?  They have to find out how Nicholas died; someone was responsible.  But obviously they can't let J.R. and Sue Ellen go to jail. Obviously not...I think it's due to lack of evidence. There were no either eye-witnesses, and certainly it would be near impossible to determine what happened for sure. Tough call. But believe it or not, this decision has ramifications...

AHN Rob's corner:

- The Latest "What the Hell Was That?!?!" Entry: The entire scene where JR tries to trick Bobby into  thinking he's dying so he'll let him back into Ewing Oil.   Is JR really this stupid in his old age or what? It was this scene that reminded me how much the later episodes of Dallas had a sit-com feel to them. The only thing missing was the laugh track... It was corny...more so because Bobby laughed it off the way he did.

- I'm having a little trouble with how long it took Bobby to throw Sue Ellen off of Southfork.  Just last week (in real time, in Dallas time it was a few months ago), Bobby told JR to "finish your drink and get the hell out of here."  Now he's trying to REASON with the same woman who ADMITTEDLY shot his brother.   Strange... Very. Of course, we're seeing footage two days later that was supposed to have been seen four months later. The writers have to come up with something new.

Episode 283: No Greater Life

Bonehead Dialogue of the Day: [nominated by everybody]

> Teresa-  Mr. Mitch is here.
> Lucy-  MY Mitch?  
Insert your own joke here.

Angelica award: April's outfits and hair throughout the episode. We might have to rename this award.

- Normally, I understand Cliff. I don't usually agree with his actions or motives or ways of analyzing situations, but I don't find his doings to be egregiously unreasonable. Until today. Follow me on this. Yesterday, Cliff stormed out of that meeting with Pam without saying a word. So at that point, April didn't know what happened. But at the beginning of this episode, she does know. So wait: Cliff, you told APRIL that you really saw Pam? You told APRIL what Pam said about never coming back to Dallas? You told APRIL that she's going to marry the doctor? What the hell are you thinking, guy? You told April all this, but you couldn't bring yourself to tell Bobby? I do not understand.

- Okay, Lucy. Time to take off the blouse. It seems to be the only way you can count...how many slugs did Sue Ellen pump into JR? Two. Count 'em. One. Two. Not three. Three SHOTS, but not three slugs. Everyone in Dallas seems to know all of the gory details except you...how is that?

AHN Analise's corner:

When you see Sue Ellen speak to Miss Ellie, her eyes are bulging out like they never have done so before. Several of us have noticed little changes in Linda's personal appearance lately. If I remember correctly, Linda suffered a grave personal tragedy in the Summer of '88, in which she lost her parents. Obviously it took a toll on her, but fortunately for us her acting abilities didn't suffer.

- Also, why does John Ross have to change schools? Wouldn't the Ewings have John Ross and Christopher go to local private schools?  Are they actually going to public schools where it does matter what town the child lives in?  I found this hard to believe.   Like they can't afford private schooling?  If John Ross had been going to a local private school, he would not have had to change schools.  In addition, when Sue Ellen saw John Ross's bruised face, she lamented that "Kids can be so cruel."   Well it looks like parents can be too.  Sue Ellen did shoot JR with the intent to kill. I don't think one can get crueler than that.  Talk about the pot calling the kettle black! Excellent analysis. The only things that I can think of are that the Ewings might really support the idea of sending their kids to public school so as not to 'isolate' them from the world. In Sue Ellen's case, specifically, she probably wants John Ross close to her because of the ongoing custody battle. For instance, if JR found out he was in a private school somewhere, he could concoct some story and grab his son back. [Of course, if JR was determined,he could probably find a way to lift his son out of PUBLIC school too, but that's another matter.]

- The last involves Clayton.  Didn't Laurel convince Clayton to go back into the refinery business just recently?  Now he is leaving it?  Boy, that was quick.   How many refineries could Clayton have acquired in such a short period of time?   I'm sure Bobby could afford it.  Also why didn't Clayton work on the ranch earlier.  Does he only enjoy ranching if his name is on the deed of Southfork? I guess ranching is boring if the ranch is only owned by your wife. Also, has Ellie stopped worrying about Clayton over exerting himself?  I guess ranching is much better for him physically because he owns the ranch!
Oh, boy. Lots of questions. Let's see: Yes. Yes. Definitely yes. Not many. I agree. Yes. I suppose so. Ditto. Evidently. Yes. :) [Sorry, I definitely don't mean to be snide or anything.] These are outstanding questions. This has all been contrived so that Clayton can get himself more involved with the Carter McKay storyline. It doesn't make sense based on the occurrences of last season, that's for sure.

AHN Kyle's corner:

- When Sue Ellen says "I'm not sure about uncle Bobby, but I might be able to bring him [Christopher] here." is she implying that she'll kidnap him? If Bobby wouldn't allow it, then it must be interpreted this way. Hmm. Hadn't thought of this way...I was thinking that Bobby might not feel comfortable in bringing Christopher over himself... but what would the difference be whether Sue Ellen chauffeured him? Actually, there is one other possible interpretation: Sue Ellen might be insinuating that Bobby's [ahem!] busy workload might prevent this.

- Wow, Cliff! You're going to let Bobby buy ALL TWO ASSETS of Barnes Wentworth?? Scratch that, he has just one (Gold Canyon 340). Now I realize that it's still worth a lot, but Cliff makes it sound as if he's selling off this lucrative empire. Get real... Well, let's see...there's his card table, which doubles as a desk. Jackie's computer [unused]. Pam's old desk and chair [worth having because she sat on it]. Does that Franklin Horner-wannabe Leo Wakefield come with the package?

- Bobby says that just after Ms. Miller left (a year ago, he says) he became involved with someone-- obviously he means Kay. Something is not right here. Either that Miller lady left less than a year ago or Bobby is exaggerating. He wasn't involved with Kay for THAT long. A couple of months, tops. Again, I think the producers are trying to make the show more fan-friendly by expressing time from the viewers' perspective, as it would have been in '88. Point well taken, though.

- Ewwwwwwwwwwwww! Lucy takes a drink out of her coffee and then she gives the mug to Mitch. Gross. Now maybe Mitch didn't see her take a drink, but does that make it alright?? This will have to passed on to the married AHNs. Val says this isn't quite as uncommon or disgusting as you might think.

- I must confess that I don't understand what happened with John Ross today. Sue Ellen has full legal custody, but she's not going to live with him? This is bizarre (although, I guess this is what happened last time they got divorced). This is EXACTLY what happened the last time they got divorced. She has custody, but is allowing her son to decide where he wants to live, that's all. It sounds stupid and it would never happen in the real world.

- Sue "I'm going to even the score" Ellen. What the HELL is she talking about "even the score"?? She ruined his Westar takeover bid. She SHOT him!! Twice (and it would have been thrice if she'd been a good shot). What more does she need to do?? Well, she has ideas. Between you and me, she's already done the good stuff.

AHN Anne's corner:

- Well, I thought it was an interesting episode today. Bobby's drinking was a little lame. But I thought it was awesome that they allowed Charlene Tilton to be seen on screen without make-up! That is so true to life and very un-Dallas. Actually, I noticed that she and Linda Gray have started wearing less eye shadow. You can tell that times have changed. Absolutely. Trust me, it's still worth watching.

AHN Jason's corner:

- I wonder why Mitch wasn't in the opening guest credits.. I know he was only back for this one episode but when Katherine reappeared last season she got into the opening credits for her ONE SCENE... so why not for him...  He used to be..
Say it with me, dude: CONTRACT. If you want Morgan Brittany on your show, you've got to pay her sweetly and let the world know she's there. If you want Leigh McCloskey, you have to attach five dollars to a string and wait outside his house for him to come out. [Kidding, of course, but you see my point.]

- Nice pad for Sue Ellen...  but why isn't it locked? Because that would imply some sense of SECURITY awareness.

- What the heck was that scene with JR and the boat dock.. I know he is not a wheeler and dealer in the Oil Industry anymore but I doubt he is reduced to opening a boat docking service....  I mean what was that salesman guy thinking.... I have no idea. Just stupid.

- Why doesn't Sue Ellen pick up John Ross at school?  She should know that JR would try to kidnap him back so why is she trusting that he will get on the bus (at school) ok and get home to her?  It's not like she is working much...she was waiting for him at home.... Excellent call. Something really bothered me about this. If JR is so intent on having a cop kidnap his son, why doesn't he save everyone the trouble and do it himself?

- Man what a bitch April is...  Just about everything she did today was either cruel or thoughtless or both...  (Bobby deserves better...)  Katherine was more appealing ....at times... and whatever people think of Kay, she at least was a nice enough person... Yes, even I must admit this. I wish Katherine had hung around, I really do. She was mean and nasty, yes, but then again so was April at first, and she came around. Kathy could have done the same.

AHN Val's corner:

- The interior decor in Sue Ellen's new house is rather matronly for her personality. Considering the look expressed by her office, and even her old townhouse, I would expect Sue Ellen to decorate with more pizzazz, not to mention modern furniture. Good call.

- Tammy Kent went to Europe for a year and she's only "a few thousand dollars poorer". All I can say is I want the name and phone number of her travel agent. Seriously it would cost WAY more than a few grand to spend a year in Europe. If you want to do it up right, as I'm sure Tammy did, we'd be talking major money, like maybe a few HUNDRED thousand dollars. Well, as Kyle points out, it's not REALLY a year. Maybe a few months in Dallas time.

- Tammy stated that she had just gotten out of the shower. Yet, her hair was completely dry, and she was in full makeup. Does she always shower, apply makeup, and then go to bed? That's rather messy for the pillowcases. I guess when she's putting bleach on her hair, she adds an extra cup to the laundry. Excellent.

- Tammy's apartment building is the very same one in which Jill Bennett lived on Knots Landing. Really? That's a bit hard to believe because the Knots producers and Dallas producers didn't get along after that whole "bringing-back-Bobby-from-the-dead" thing.

AHN Rob's corner:

- Dumb Question #13: How did the kids at John Ross' school find out that Sue Ellen shot JR?  I KNOW this isn't common knowledge because of the great lengths the both of them went to to keep this quiet. It must be in all the papers. Parents talk, kids listen.

- Being a programmer, I've always had trouble with the fact that JR, Bobby, and Cliff had their PCs situated BEHIND them at the office.  I've left it alone all this time because I figured they wanted to enjoy the office view while they banged away at
meaningless function keys.  But why, oh why, does Bobby have his keyboard WAY over to one side of the machine.  It leads me to believe that whenever he wanted to play Musical Function Keys, he'd have to hold the keyboard on his lap.  Is this not one of the things Carpal Tunnel Syndrome is made of -- or at least DAMNED UNCOMFORTABLE? Just a thought... And a good one. Interesting, he's replaced his Compaq with a clone. Good to see!

- This is not a nit, but I have to point this one out. Even though I'm not particularly a Patrick Duffy fan,  I happen to think he did a really good job on that scene where Bobby shows up at Tammy's apartment.  It's hard enough playing a believable drunk when everyone knows you're not one.  It's even MORE difficult to play someone who is drunk, but trying to play it off as if he's not.  Patrick managed to do both VERY convincingly... Yes. I agree. Very well done.

- But alas, the scene still drew a nit.  It's one I find a lot on more than a few shows and movies.  What the hell is Tammy thinking kissing Bobby like that? The man is DRUNK!  Shouldn't she at least give him a stick of Big Red first?  The worst is when a couple wakes up together -- morning breath and all -- and starts slobbering all over each other.  UGH!!! I take it you've been there. Val says you get used to it.

AHN Jake's corner:

- Wow!  Sue Ellen got that nicely furnished house real fast. Maybe the furniture was a package deal - power of sale, you know.

- When Sue Ellen was explaing to John Ross about why she shot his father, she forgot to mention everything but, "And I don't ever want you doing that." I just thought it was something she would have said. Hmm. I see what you mean, but it would have sounded corny.

- And then Sue Ellen says, "We'll have to have a talk one day."  What talk? You just had one?  Do you and your son want to be uncomfortable again? There's really nothing more she can say. Not yet...hmm. This is again iffy.

- Teresa calls Lucy "Miss Lucy."  Not that she doesn't deserve it, but Teresa is about as inconsistent as Knots Landing (thought I'd put that one in there). Well, what else would you expect, very frankly? If we have "Mr. Bobby" and "Miss Pamela", then this fits.

- Clayton says he can recommend some good ranch hands to Carter McKay.  If they're so good, why aren't they working for him? LOL! I see your point, of course, but Carter has a plan in mind. [Obviously.] These are not your daddy's ranch hands he's talking about it, if you smell what I'm cooking.

AHN Mike's corner:

- April looks super in the early scenes only to show up at Bobby's office with that Attila the Hun pulled back, piled up on top hairstyle. It was pulled back so tight it actually appeared top make her look wide-eyed. I can't believe that she's doing another heel turn. Who's the booker in the wrestling federation any way? I don't know. Actually, that's not true. I do know. Larry Hagman is officially an executive producer starting with this season. Obviously, like Kevin Nash, he's been the main guy behind the scenes for a long time, but now it's official and no longer a secret. Why he's doing this to April I don't know. She's the Chris Benoit of Dallas.

- April can't understand why she can't get to first base with Bobby? it's simple:  JR hit a home run. Yes...to use your analogy, though, you could say that JR hit a home run, so Bobby keeps fouling off pitches and waiting for an intentional walk.

- Bad editing job cutting JR off in mid-sentence as he's delivering his phony "I want to come home" speech to Ellie and Clayton.

- Sue Ellen seems to have an awful lot of time on her hands during the week for someone running a major corporation. She's gardening in the AM while John Ross waits for the school bus and she's there in the afternnon when the bus drops him off. Yes...she must be taking the week off or something. Maybe this is how she's mourning for Nicholas.

- And speaking of Sue Ellen's gardening, shouldn't JR be smart enough not to approach her at close range while she's carrying that sharp gardening tool? Well, let me put it to you this way. She had a gun, used it, and JR lived. If she tried to stab him with that tool, she'd probably just hit the area where his spleen used to be. [It was removed when Kristin shot him].

- In the ridiculous scene where Ellie forgives Sue Ellen for trying to murder her son, Sue Ellen is not wearing her big diamond wedding ring, even though she wore it throughout l'affaire Nicholas.

- Someone noticed that Tammy's hair was dry after just getting out of the shower. Even more ludicrous was that after a supposed night of wild drunken sex she's perfectly made up, with not a hair out of place nor a wrinkle in her nighty first thing in the AM. I'm sure all women wish they could do this. Or maybe she's just exaggerating - perhaps Bobby wasn't able to perform and she's just cajoling his male ego.

- I'm getting just a little fed up (read that "jealous") with the way beautiful women just throw themselves at Bobby. Last night he got drunk and the woman couldn't resist. Even more aggravating is a lot of times he turns them down! Such as the esteemed Miss Stevens? Some guys have all the dumb luck.

Episode 284: Call of the Wild

Bonehead Dialogue of the Day: [nominated by Jason]

> Cally  "You passing through?"  to JR
No he is going to move here... so many opportunities for a guy like him....

Angelica award: April clearly wants to be a belly dancer/prostitute for Cliff.

Cally's 'reckon' meter: 2.

- The Barnes/Wentworth phone system is my first target today. Jackie tells Cliff that Sue Ellen is on Line 3. Wait a minute. In my office, a call only goes to Line 2 or 3 when Line 1 is busy. Since Barnes/Wentworth is doing about as much business as Petro Group Dallas did, why would the first two lines be busy? And if they're not, why is Sue Ellen on Line 3?

- Christopher asks why he can't use a gun, and Bobby replies that he's still too young. Um, Bob? How about that time he nearly SHOT his cousin with a real gun? Isn't that a factor weighing heavily against the boy? Or have you forgotten about that because you were still married to what's-her-chest at the time, and you're repressing the memories?

- Jordan Lee seems a bit confused. He tells Cliff that no independent oil man could afford to buy Barnes/Wentworth, except for Jeremy Wendell. HUH? Wendell's Chairman of Weststar. He's no independent.

- But it's no wonder that Jordan's confused. I still don't understand Cliff at all, despite Jason's protests yesterday that his actions were understandable. With all due respect, my friend, they are not. Why would Cliff lie to Jordan Lee about having seen Pam? And Bobby? People he's known for years. But he's told APRIL the truth. He's known April for under two years. This is unbelievable.

- Sly's computer seems to turn itself off or go into screen saver mode just as she gets up. Not impossible, just very convenient.

- This is a rather delicate one...I don't really know how to say it, so maybe I should just come right out with it. The indication is that until the end of this episode, sweet young Cally Harper is a virgin, right? So after her first night, with a guy like JR....should she really be resting quite as peacefully as she is? Ladies, if I'm out of line, please let me know. I just found it kind of odd.

- And a final note, purely on a personal level:

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH! Rose McKay!!!!! NOOOO!!!!! NOOOO!!!! MY BRAIN IS HEMORRHAGING!
[Sorry about that. Now I feel better.]

AHN Analise's corner:

- When Ray sold his house, did the furniture and interior design come with the package? It looks like McKay is making himself at home with Ray's furniture. Wouldn't a man of his age have acquired any furniture during his lifetime? Budget cut, anyone? Excellent call.

- Speaking of budget cuts, does McKay have any other clothing to wear? He seems to wear the same shirt and vest in every scene he is in. Hmm, he must smell pretty bad. Ditto. I totally agree. I don't think he changes for two weeks worth of episodes.

- Both Clayton and Ellie have mentioned this pending drought and how they are concerned about the ranch.  Then why sell Ray's land to an outsider when he clearly has access to the river before Southfork does?  Doesn't seem to make good business sense. No it doesn't and I have pointed this out. Do you smell what the producers are cooking?

AHN Kyle's corner:

- Why do the boys have a week off? Christmas? March Break?? Plot conrtivance??? It's late 1988 in real time, a reference point would have been nice. Yes, it would...but unfortunately, the writers do not share your sentiments.

- Strange camera work today. When McKay gets up to leave his office and move to the hallway, the camera follows him, but it's all shaky and jerky, like it's a handheld camera. You might have to watch this again to see what I mean. Yes, I will...

- I never understand this. Why are John Ross and Christopher all gussied up for dinner? There really seems to be no rhyme or reason to their dressing patterns. Agreed. I don't get it either.

- Is the water on the pavement just as the guys are leaving Southfork supposed to put our mind at ease about the drought? That was kind of weird. Very. Maybe it unexpectedly rained or something. I suspect a cut.

- Cliff mentioning a movie quote without SAYING the movie quote was pretty lame...

- I'm not positive but I think that Cally's older brother (Japhet) is the guy from the junior mint episode of Seinfeld. I think he was the artist who was in the hospital.

- I must mention this again. Why is Barnes Wentworth too rich for everyone's blood? They...only...have...one...asset!!! Well, in all fairness, it was a pretty big asset...Cliff bid $ 130 million for it, which isn't exactly chump change. But with some financing, it could be managed pretty easily.

- How does JR think he's going to get home from Haleyville after the boys and Bobby leave? I don't know...but certainly he doesn't expect to get home the way he WILL end up going home. That's for damn sure.

- Casey is a real sonofabitch. I can't believe the way he blows off Sly. Frankly, I find his character development to be a little lacking in the realism department. Casey just joined the Biff club: guys who inexplicably dump Sly. Sheesh. And for LUCY, of all people? Come on, Casey.

- This Gary thing is confusing. Is he a fancy boy or a real outdoorsman. I remember a long time ago, Ellie said that Gary was the one who really cared about the land, but then today JR speaks of Gary's poetry work... I guess he could be the outdoors type without enjoying hunting, but something doesn't seem quite right here. I think you've actually got it. A loner, liked to be outside by himself...he didn't like anything structured, like business or hunting or football.

AHN Jason's corner:

- Did anyone notice the camera kept Cally's breasts in a corner of the screen through many of her talks with JR at the bar?   Not too subtle... Not at all. Was Larry directing here?

- Good for Cliff for ending the revenge plot that he and JR have had for all these years...  I actually wish him peace... Shame on Sue Ellen for trying to use him.. Well, unfortunately, this means that Cliff is going to become REALLY BORING.

- Shouldn't the hunters wear blaze orange hats and such?   The boys seem to blend into the background too much... Well, this was before the whole gun safety thing came about...hard to say.

- Jackie got a new perm and Sly's hair has decurled...

- Southfork has a real background again... no backdrop...

- Why does Cally ask for a drink order from the Ewings?  Shouldn't the food waiter be asking that? Are rural towns really that hillbillyish?   REALLY backwoods!!! I think these are the same question. This is how they likes it in Arkansas...I reckon.

- Did anyone think that JR's 'courting' of young Cally seem similar to Ray's pedophillic lines to Charlie?   The age difference is very close in these cases.... Or Ray and Lucy for that matter... But Cally's legal. That's a key difference. Clearly the age disparity is large, but not enough to send him to jail [ordinarily].

- Interesting that Carter's girlfriend Rose is not named in the show today and only credited as "The Redhead"  Why didn't they simply have Carter address her by name today..  "You can't go into town, ROSE"   for that matter, why didn't they credit her as "Carter's girlfriend?" Contract, contract, contract. The writers have no idea how long she's going to be around. If she gets a name, they have to pay her more.

AHN Rob's corner:

- Hey!  Everyone raise their hand if they were NOT surprised when JR compared John Ross to Gary right before he shot that deer.  That many, huh...?

- Another note on the "John Ross Shoots Bambi" scene...  Was it me, or did John Ross look as if he could grow up to be a serial killer?  Lord knows, his parents puts him through enough where it may actually be understandable.... That would be quite the plot twist. Dynasty would have done this.

AHN Val's corner:

- I wonder if JR owns any casual clothes. Even when relaxing on the patio, he was wearing a suit and tie. He owns lots. Wait till you see his Haleyville collection.

- In the exterior shot of Campbell Center (Cliff's office building), there is a big, gaping hole in the ground alongside the Central Expressway. If I recall, it's been there since 1984. Is the road crew ever gonna fix that thing? Ah, the good old US of A. Where there is never any construction. We Canadians can only wish. Here we have four seasons: fall, winter, spring, and construction.

- Looks like Cliff has too much time and money on his hands. He must have spent an afternoon at the Galleria Mall, wandered into Spencer's Gifts, and bought every tacky desktop toy they sell. I actually like those desktop toys. Especially the one with the sand in that weird emulsification.

- The Ewing men took the helicopter to Haileyville. So how did they acquire that truck? It was an old Ford Bronco with the rear roof cut off. Certainly, a vehicle like that is not standard issue for the likes of Hertz Rent-a-Car. Even still, there probably isn't even a rental car place within 150 miles of Haileyville. Good question.

- When Bobby went to get the hotel rooms at the Haileyville Hotel, he asked for 3 rooms--one for him, one for JR, and one for the boys. I find it disturbing that they are gonna put the boys in a room ALONE in a place like HAILEYVILLE!!! The boys should have stayed in the same rooms as their dads. I thought so too. The only reason Bobby might have asked for this is because he's familiar with the room layouts and realizes that they're too small for more than one person or two little people.

- I don't know how old Cally is, but I gather that she is barely out of high school (18 or 19). So how is it that she's able to be working as a barmaid? I would hazard a guess that Cally is definitely legal. And by the way, I think that if Haileyville is two hours away from the nearest Hertz, then certainly a high school can't be any closer than two days' walk. My guess: she's probably 21 or so.

- OK, here's a mixed scene nit: JR was hitting on Cally in the restaurant, until Bobby yanked him away from her and her irate brothers. Then, the Ewing men (or boys, depending on your opinion of the characters) were seen hunting bucks. And then, JR is seen waiting behind the restaurant for Cally. It was as if no time had passed between the first and third scenes--they were both wearing the same clothes as before. As I was saying. I think you're seeing Larry's casual collection.

- JR sure had no trouble seducing Cally with his famous Ewing charm. It's ashame he didn't conduct himself that way with Laurel Ellis. I would have appreciated that more. You'll have to forgive me, but once in a while I must return to my neanderthal roots and live vicariously through JR's sexual conquests. You go, guy! You go!

AHN Mike's corner:

- I found it amusing that Cliff, who has proven unequivocably over ten seasons that he has no balls, had to buy a set to play with on his desk. Interesting way of putting it.

- JR has a short memory if he thinks Cally is the most beautiful young woman he's ever seen. Mandy and Laurel Ellis blow her away. No and maybe...we had better agree to disagree about Mandy, who was clearly much older than Cally. Even Laurel seemed to be much more mature, if not older. Cally has an innocence that no other woman on the show has had.

- Casey has developed into a real JR Jr. but he blew it with Sly. She's not just a secretary, she's president of a number of JR's dummy corporations.

- Is Rose McKay the classic cliche bimbo or what. The thought of George Kennedy in bed with a foxy young woman is revolting! Especially since he has not changed his clothes since arriving on the show.

Episode 285: Out of the Frying Pan

Bonehead Dialogue of the Day: [nominated by Analise]

>Cally [planning the jailbreak]:  "Tomorrow night."
>JR:  "I'll be here."
Well, where else could JR be?

Angelica award: No one today, primarily because of April's depush.

- While the ridiculousness of Bobby and April's conversation is well-documented below, I would just like to point out that Bobby is an absolute gimp for saying that because of his feelings for Pam, he "couldn't be with anyone else" [read: April], but then decided that Kay Lloyd was worth putting his feelings aside for.

- Memo to the producers [even though there's nothing they can do it about it now]: we can do without seeing Carter McKay's sweat stains.

- I understand that Larry Hagman probably wasn't in great physical shape during the filming of this episode, but at some points during his chase scene with Cally, he looks like he's taking a stroll.

- I have experienced first-hand some very moralistic and repressive cultures. But Haleyville takes the cake. The Justice of the Peace at JR's kangaroo trial admonishes Cally for "what she did". This clearly implies some willingness on Cally's part to be with JR. So how in the world can any semi-evolved society describe what JR did as rape? If the judge truly believed that Cally was an unwilling victim, he would have described the affair as "what happened to her", not "what she did".

Analise's corner: [knocking on the door of AHNdom]:

- Is Bobby the President of Ewing Oil or a ranch hand of Clayton's? Yes, this is strange, isn't it? I mean, Ewing Oil is such a big company, and they do all sorts of drilling and selling, and they have all of those assets that Bobby amassed during this tenure at Petro Group Dallas....oh, wait! I'm thinking of the other Ewing Oil. The one that Jock built. This Ewing Oil, at this point, is absolutely meaningless. But your point is well taken.

- Bobby & Clayton are riding ahead of the herd and not paying attention to what is behind them.  This is dangerous.  What if a cow comes rushing up and spooks one of the horses?  Seems awfully careless. Good call.

- Sue Ellen's purse looks way to narrow.  Doesn't she even keep a wallet or makeup bag in there?  In fact all of the Dallas women seem to carry empty purses.  They must have either lots of pockets or nothing to carry.  Seems odd for a woman. I believe this has been mentioned before, but it's been a while. Thanks for reminding us.

- Raoul's quite the butler.  He even offers Sue Ellen iced tea even after she is kicked off the ranch. I was rather impressed, actually. You're right.

- It's bad form for Sue Ellen to criticize JR in front of John Ross. Oh, believe me, compared to some things she'll say, this is nothing.

- Are Haleyville folks that blind?  Dallas makes small town folks look like buffoons. None of them even uses proper English.  2 phones in an entire town? I once asked somebody about this, during Season 3 or 4, because I thought the same thing you did. But then someone who spent time in a VERY rural area told me that such conditions do exist, even today. I'll see if I can find that again.

- Cally seems smarter than she sounds or looks.  Good job at yelling at JR. She is. Typical story: in a place like Haleyville [and many others that I have witnessed first-hand], a really smart female could live to be 100 years old and not get a fraction of the respect of a dim-witted nineteen-year-old snot-nosed male.

- Is it straight or wavy hair for Sue Ellen?  Even she's not sure. She will be unsure for the rest of the season.

- Jackie has worked for Barnes Wentworth for so many years?  4 years not including Dream Season?  Hardly a lifetime! It just seems that way for us viewers.

- Is Casey wearing a suit?  Did striking oil mean that he gets rid of that silly country & western jacket?  Wait, in the scene with the jet it looks he has another stupid looking jacket on.  And how could he afford that plane this soon? Perhaps it was a charter. Don't know for sure.

- Ellie, again, mind your own business.  Dumb idea for Cliff to join Ewing Oil.   Didn't Cliff tell Ellie that he wants to be out of the oil business? And Bobby certainly caved in to Ellie's idea of a partnership quickly. Yes...YES! You're so right! I can't believe I missed this. That's the BEST reason for Bobby not to offer! Cliff doesn't WANT to be in the oil business. Great one!

- McKay still hasn't changed his clothes yet? I think he was wearing a different shirt when he went to that singles bar. Hard to tell.

- What happened to Clayton's blue Rolls Royce?  Was it too much a reminder of Laurel? I suppose it was.

- JR's clothes look awfully clean considering he has been in them for several days.   And where did he get them?  He barely had enough time to put a shirt and pants on when he was sent to the jail.  Did he have the white overshirt with him? Maybe he asked someone to go get them...but this seems weird.

AHN Anne's corner:

- What is up with Debbie asking if Jeremy and Cliff were staying to lunch? If they're sitting at a table, they should be eating lunch otherwise they should head on over to the bar. Something's off there. Hmm...I wonder. Maybe Wendell has a favorite table where he likes to discuss business. But this is a good point.

- Secondly, poor Clayton or Howard Keel, depending on how you look at it. His horse in the scene with Bobby was ready to buck him off! Really horsey horse. I'm sure that Keel didn't mind, since he made enough westerns to be comfortable on horses, but it still looked uncomfortable. Didn't notice. Good one.

AHN Kyle's corner:

- I'm sure everyone will point this out, but backwater or not, Haleyville must still adhere to the Bill of Rights. This is 1988 (not 1888). No phone call. No legal representation. Whatever (nice plot contrivance). That's the way they likes it. It works for them, despite how stupid it sounds. If I were JR, when and if I get back to Dallas, I'd be on the phone to the Governor.

- What was up with Bobby's "you can see your nephew any time you want" bit? Gee, you're a swell guy, Bobby. I didn't realize Cliff was on Christopher probation. I don't know. Just something to illustrate the improving relations, I guess.

- Man, Bobby is such a wuss! April acts like a bitch, and then HE comes to her with his tail between his legs. And then she rips into him, and he takes it! Geez Bobby, is this the new, tougher character you were holding out for? Another head-shaker.

- April's "all my friends" bit was funny. Well, let's see, there's Cliff and ummmmm........ wait hold on, did I mention Cliff, and uh.... (and she  just broke it off with him-- sort of). At some point, I have to stop shaking.

- Ummm, here's a reason for Cliff not to be a partner at Ewing Oil... he's not a FREAKING Ewing!! Ellie, have you no shame? I know she's a Farlow now, but has she no respect for things passed? [Aside: since Cliff has become so dull, this will probably be good for the viewers]. She has ZERO respect.

- SO Cliff sold BW to Westar. Does he now work for Westar? It looks like yes. What does he do? Well, I'm not sure. He sold the business, so he should have sold them all of the [meagre] assets, including his office. So I totally don't get why he's still sitting in his office like he has a job.

- Nice generic name for a prison camp-- County Penal Camp. Hmmmm, does this County have a name? Silly.

- JR didn't know his sentence was for 10 years? What did they do at the end of the "trial", tell him they were going out for ice cream?? They probably didn't say....as you've pointed out, they're not too big on procedure. I wonder if anyone who ends up in that camp ever gets out [except JR].

AHN Jason's corner:

- Why would Jeremy trust Cliff enough to do business with him?  He just got screwed by a Cliff deal recently. Because the producers said so. [You're right, this is stupid.]

- Cliff claims to be taking Christopher to lunch when he arrives at Southfork, but then Bobby comes down stairs tying his tie like he is heading to work.. at lunch time.. huh? Well, since we know how much business Ewing Oil does, this is an obvious nit. [Kidding...of course, you're right.]

- April claims not to need friends... I wish I had a recording of this b/c she is always whining about being lonely.. Wasn't that dumb? Sheesh.

- Bad TNN cut after second commercial break..  Seems to start in Ellie's speech midway...

- Lucy tells Casey that she doesn't want to be #2 in her next man's life but then Casey says AFTER they are MARRIED, he will show her that she will be #1 in his life...HMMM....don't do it Lucy!!! You know, I don't exactly see your point, but whatever it is, I agree with it.

- Badly staged scene when Cally breaks JR out of jail by hitting the sheriff...She missed him by a mile... WCW would be proud.

- A lot of camp humor in JR huffing and puffing through the woods...   and why is he leading Cally... like he knows this area? I totally don't get it. I suspect the puffing was real, despite the fact that JR was practically strolling for most of it.

- Why is Bobby trying to "be friends" with April...  She has hardly been the wholesome or even decent type. And Bobby is asking for her back  (as a friend?)    come on... Budget cuts make for strange friends. Of course, you're right, but this is necessity.

- Someone on the Ultimate Dallas site pointed out that the "bloodhounds" that are tracking JR and Cally don't even have their snouts to the ground... How can they track a scent without smelling the ground?

- Cally says that there are 2 phones in Haleyville...  Seems like an awful big expense for the phone company to have wired up all the way to the town just for two phones... I doubt the phones get that much business...  (One of them is at the motel.. the other must be at the police station....) If it was at the police station, JR would have used it as he was making his getaway, right? Must be somewhere else. And as far as the phone company goes, they probably just strung a wire along with the power lines. Nothing fancy.

AHN Mike's corner:

- Bobby's ridiculous statement about not being fit to be with anybody: somebody pointed out Kay. But don't forget about Tammy. That was just a fling. I pointed this out because I dislike Kay, not to mention Bobby's self-serving hypocrisy.

- With the John Ross hunting incident and the first appearance of Rose McKay, yesterday's episode could have been entitled "Bang-Bang Bambi and Bang the Bimbo".

-Let me get this straight, Halleyville has only two phones but apparently has a top notch orthodontist since both of Cally's yokel brothers have perfect capped teeth? I figured someone would point out something like this, so I was just waiting. Cally's also got great teeth for someone who's probably never seen a dentist.

- Did you catch those ears on the Halleyville sheriff. He could have played Dumbo in the Disney cartoon. Not only were they big but the lobes were incredibly large and long.

- Cliff is an idiot. He tells Miss Ellie Bobby turned him down for buying Barnes-Wentworth when clearly Bobby never told him "no". Well, he didn't say yes...this is weird.

- Lengthy dialogue for the minor players in this episode: Debbie at the Oil Barons', Raoul on Southfork, Jackie with Cliff. But poor Kehli Gray can't seem to get her part expanded from opening and closing the door to Sue Ellen's office.

- What kind of a life is it for Christoper and John Ross when they are forced into jackets and ties and playing checkers in the Southfork living room at night, while everyone else drinks? I would say it's rather typical for snooty rich folks.

Episode 286: Road Work

Bonehead Dialogue of the Day: [nominated by Rob and Analise]

>"Sue Ellen!  These just came..."
Kehli as she brings flowers from Wendell into Sue Ellen's office -- Oh really, Kel?  I suppose Sue Ellen was thinking  they arrived tomorrow.

>Bobby: "Is he busy?"
>Jackie: "You're kidding. The phone doesn't even ring around here anymore."
- Hello, Jackie? Why should the phone ring? Wendell just bought the business. Wouldn't Wendell have all the calls transferred to Weststar's offices?  Even Cliff admits he shut down the business.  So why should the phones ring?

Angelica award: Rose's clothes are terrible as usual, but Tracey's hot silk blouse wins today.

- This whole 'getting Cliff into Ewing Oil' storyline is silly. Today it reaches new heights. Cliff tells Bobby he doesn't want to become a partner in Ewing Oil because he needs time off. Well, Cliff, if you need time off, why do you keep coming to your non-functional office, which is property of Weststar anyway? Why not just stay home, like normal people do when they need time off?

- So close, Bob. So close. I know you're trying and I appreciate it. You've taken the first step towards passing Phone Dialing 101. Seven digits today...excellent. Except that it's a LONG-DISTANCE call to Haleyville. You'll need a area code with that number, dummy!

- When the chain gang returns to the penal camp, one of the guys lays down a ladder so that the prisoners can climb down it to hit the ground. Come on. It's not more than three feet, and that ladder hardly seems stable. Jumping off would seem much easier.

From Tom, a new submitter: Regarding today's episode; in the pool hall scene, what is Ace doing with a wad of $100 bills in his front pocket?  I mean, we are not talking about J.R. or Jeremy Wendell here, and Ace seems to be the kind of guy who would bring home $500 for a good month's pay. Perhaps he had a good day before Tracey showed up. This is a great point!

Dan Johnson asks: Has anyone besides me noticed the awkward manner in which Clayton gets into his car?  It looks for a second like he's going to crawl on his hands and knees across to the passenger side and out the other door instead of just sitting down in the driver's seat.  Maybe it's because this car doesn't have near the room that his RR has.  Or the fact hat he is as big as an ox.  Or a combination of both.  Anyway, I first noticed this when he drove over to see Carter McKay and invite him to go socializing and Carter took a rain check.  He's done it several times then.   Look at the tapes and tell me what you think.  I wouldn't want to be overly critical of Mr. Farlow.

AHN Val's corner:

- Once again, John Ross is shipped off to school without breakfast. Apparently, the Ewings feel that starting their children off with a good healthy breakfast is not as important as Bobby getting to his PGD office so he can sit and do nothing all day. My point is, Bobby isn't doing anything so important that he couldn't wait a few minutes for John Ross to get breakfast, and for Christopher to finish his.

- For Kelly's birthday, Sue Ellen was very generous to her secretary. Lunch at the Oil Baron's Club. A new bracelet. She treated her like a ......like a daughter!!!!! As I pointed out in the summary.

- When Kelly walked into the office with flowers, Sue Ellen looked as if she had been crying. She was obviously upset about something. But what? Was a crucial scene cut by the syndicators, and she was mourning Nick's death? She certainly seemed sad about something or other...I think there was definitely a cut. Don't know if it was about Nick or something else - perhaps not seeing John Ross as much as she'd like?

- When Lucy and Casey took their partially-to-fully clothed swim, Lucy had stated that she didn't have a swimsuit. But later on, she did! I suppose she could have gone out and bought one.... She must have.

- Also, Lucy and Casey are supposedly visiting Casey's hometown of Tulsa. So why are they staying at a hotel? I would think that Casey had his own home there, seeing as how his business in Dallas is supposedly temporary (last I remember, he was living out of a hotel room in Dallas). It's unclear whether they're in Tulsa or Oklahoma City...I don't know.

- I found it amusing that Bobby knew the pool hall waitress' name. Yes, I know that waitresses often say "Hi, my name is...." when taking initial drink orders. But there was something about the way that Bobby called out for her that indicated that he somehow knew her. What was even funnier, however was that she knew Bobby's name! Good one. I completely missed that.

- Nice move by Tracey with "Ace" and the pool cue. Oomph!!!! I find it surprising, though that Bobby wasn't completely put off by that. Now, Cliff did express a little fear. I'm surprised he didn't run for the hills. BTW, Ace looked "stuffed". But then I guess his package read the script, and knew to wear protective gear. Good for Ace. Hurts just thinking about it.

- Sue Ellen and Jeremy had dinner at Scalini. Yet Sue Ellen stated that she had never been there before!!! Yeah, OK, she had never been INSIDE of that particular restaurant. The decor shown was much different than that at Scalini. So it was probably a different restaurant. But the outside sign plainly read "Scalini". I'm sure Sue Ellen has been to Scalini before. You're right.

- Bobby has $900 in cash with which to pay Tracey her pool winnings. I know he's rich, but why would he be walking around with that kind of money? Especially since when he left the house, he figured he'd only be playing pool with Cliff. Well, you have to be prepared for these things. The way I look at it, Bobby paid her $ 900 to stare at her butt for a few hours.

AHN Kyle's corner:

- Nice 'P' on the prisoners uniforms today. No doubt for Penal (as in County Penal Colony) or possibly prisoner. Sheesh.

- These Halleyvillians have a very creepy moral code. Conspiracy to commit fraud: that's OK. Conspiracy to jail an innocent man: that's OK. Accepting a bribe: Whoa! ETHICS ALERT! ETHICS ALERT! What is up with that? They're trying to act like they are super moral, but clearly they aren't. Typical of backwards self-righteous people.

- Clayton MUST have been mad at Mack (if everyone else is saying it, then so will I). He drove over his grass, twice! (one in reverse and then again while driving away). Must have been.

- Did you hear that barmaid ask Bobby if they wanted Bottles or Draft? Amazing!! A DALLAS first!! Yes. And they have Stroh's - a brand name. Spooky.

- Bobby and Cliff have excellent chemistry (and not in the gay way). It's a shame that they haven't been able to do this for a looooooooong time (like when Bob was a Senator). Get used to it. They're paired up for most of the rest of the series.

- Could Bobby meet a woman OUTSIDE of a bar? That would be nice. Not since Pam, who I believe he was introduced to at a party.

- Ewing or no Ewing, losing $900 while playing pool is silly. Is Bobby that desperate? This one left ME shaking my head. Essentially, this makes Tracey a very skilled and well-paid lap dancer.

AHN Jason's corner:

- Lucy wears jeans in the pool of a swim and Casey wears his watch...

- How come the shots aimed to scare off Clayton didn't frighten his horse? Must be one brave horse. Good one.

- I can't believe Larry Hagman agreed to this idiotic plot. I will comment in the "I think" today.

- Where the heck is Cally?  Her brothers and Rose get screen time but she doesn't? I think the producers could probably rationalize it, but it's mostly for money.

- I could be wrong but if the high cost of water was what originally caused McKay to block up the river, couldn't he have not bothered with all his expensive ranch hands?  They must cost more than the water....   again I am probably missing something but then again I don't think I really care about this sub-plot. No, be assured that McKay has a much deeper plan in mind. The dam is just a means to an end.

-  Some one from Pam's Ultimate Dallas site brought up a good point on a bad subplot....   Apparently  ( I may have been sleeping during this)   during JR's time on the chain gang, he is threatened to 'shape up' or he will be sent off to the state facilities...   Now, if this scene really happened (I don't remember and won't bother to check)  I would think JR WOULD want to go to the state jail... He'd be able to contact Harve and get this whole matter straightened out....   Just a thought... Yes, this happened when JR met with the camp warden. That's an interesting twist.

AHN Rob's corner:

- Not really a nit, but a personal note on the poolside scene after the second commercial break: DAAAAMN, LUCY!!!  I almost gained respect for you just on the stregnth of that bikini you were wearing!  ALMOST, that is.... I've never had a problem with Lucy from a physical standpoint, except for the thinning hair during her second tour of duty. She is a finely built lady.

- And why the hell is Kehli addressing Sue Ellen by her first (and second, I suppose...) name, anyway? Does she think she's all that because the boss remembered her birthday?   Hey Kel, perhaps you should use a more appropriate salutation... Like MOM perhaps.

- DUMMY MOVE of the DAY RETURNS WITH A VENGEANCE!!!- JR becomes the first to win THREE in the same episode -- his fourth, fifth, and sixth.  Being such a big fan of JR's, I think this dumbing-down of the character has gotten really old really fast.  Exactly what the writers expected to accomplish with this will probably baffle me to my dying day.   (...and given Larry Hagman's executive producer and booking status, this is downright inexcusable...)  Even though his bribery attempt got him put into The Hole, this dumbass tries it AGAIN less than a day (I assume) later!  And how far did he expect to get in that BRIGHT YELLOW Plymouth Reliant K?  The man IS a would-be fugitive, isn't he?  He would stick out like a bad outfielder with a paisley mitt. True enough, but maybe not in these parts. I think everyone in this part of the world drives a cream-colored '77 Safari wagon with a brown rear gate.

Introducing AHN Analise's corner:

- Floyd comes in to tell Clayton that the river is dried up.  He said he came straight away.  But the establishing shot shows that it is night at Southfork.   Hmm, must have outside spotlights on the river. Yes, I found that odd too. It is possible...just unlikely.

- I loved seeing Wendell with Sue Ellen.  He's just so evil that it's fun to see him try and begin courting her. It's more fun to see him get the smackdown in a few days.

- JR has gotten more hair since he has been incarcerated.  Must be that hard labor stimulates growth of hair follicles or each prisoner convicted of rape in Haileyville is forced to wear a rug as further punishment. I think the rug explanation is better. Don't know why Larry's flip-flopping on this.

- When Bobby called the Haileyville hotel, Caleb lied to Bobby at the request of Cally's brother Japhet (what a name, by the way).  And Japhet was sitting there waiting for that call.  Did he know when Bobby was going to call?  I hope he made enough popcorn for the wait. Was that Japhet or Boaz? I think Japhet's the one we've seen before. Good point about waiting though.

- Lucy and Casey in plaid shirts?  Couples shouldn't dress alike.

- Isn't the pool Lucy and Casey go to the same pool at the Singletree hotel where JR first meets Casey last season?  Isn't that also the same bar maid who kept staring at him last year too? The pool might very well be the same though definitely shot from a different angle. I didn't pay attention to the maid but I'll check.

- Lucy, take off your jeans before you go into a pool!  It feels awful to be soaking wet in jeans.  I had to do it for a senior life saving course when I was 14 and it was unbearable. I thought so.

- Lucy must have had major breast implants.  She was never that well endowed.   Hmm, wonder if her silicone has been leaking and spreading cancerous material? Lucy never had these types of scenes...but I think you might be right. Except in the case of April, the producers must believe that bigger is better.

- Looks like they locked JR into an outhouse! It seems that way...that was disturbing.

- I would have thought that Clayton would have gone out first thing the next morning to check out the river situation.  You know, around sunrise.  It looks like he finally goes out during the midafternoon! Boy, I'm glad Clayton is in charge! Well, it's definitely midmorning at least. Clayton's obviously not an early riser.

- Clayton barely wraps the horse's reins around a stump.  That isn't going to hold the horse.  If I were the horse, I'd take off! He must have learned from his son. Dusty would always be very lax in his tie-ups.

- The prisoners in an establishing shot are tending to the flowers with a hoe.  Like that is realistic.

- Did you hear Casey call Lucy a bitch when she chose to swim than sleep with him? He's such a lout! Lout is a rather kind word.

- Well I had to laugh when McKay said that he made sure he could legally dam up the water. No one else on the show seems to do such legal homework, especially Wendell. Well, Bobby did when he bilked the cartel over their joint property in Season 5...you're right that it doesn't happen too often.

- Ace calls Tracey a cheap tramp and she gets upset by being called cheap! She must have no problem being referred to as a tramp! This episode well establishes her tramphood. She pocketed $ 900 for letting Bobby stare at her butt for three hours. That's a real well-paid lap dancer in my book.

- I've never seen a pool hall with white walls and white fixtures. How bright! Is this typical? Definitely not. Excellent one.

- Sue Ellen said to Wendell that she wants to hurt JR so badly that he'll never be able to hurt anyone else again.  I had to laugh.  For her this is impossible.  She couldn't kill JR with 3 shots of a gun when she was very close to him! Yes, when you put it that way, you're absolutely right.

- I get it!  When McKay goes out at night, he puts on the dark gray shirt.  In the day, he wears the blue shirt.  Such the fashion plate! I wonder whether Rose does his laundry...

AHN Mike's corner:

- What was it they served JR and the chain gang for lunch? I recognized bread and water, but what was that yellowish rectangular mass on the tray? No idea.

- Speaking of Kennedy/McKay that leather vest of his must be getting pretty raunchy by now. He probably even wears to bed. Hey, I bet Rose would like that. I've never seen anyone with so much makeup on before breakfast! Me neither. They are a disgusting couple.

- I thought Wendell always ate alone. I hope they're not softening his heel character. I always liked the fact that he was so driven that he had no interest in women. You've hit on another "I think".

- Two things about the Lucy/Casey swimming pool scene. Lucy has definitely lost the baby fat. Too bad they gypped us out of the wet teeshirt scene. Casey is very thin on top once the hair gets wet. Yes! Lucy has become very shapely. At first I was kind of disgusted by this scene, but it was all for the best.

- Tracey shows skills at two pool games eight ball and Ace ball. The former requires putting the eight ball in any pocket, the later requires putting the two Ace balls in either side pocket. Well said!

Episode 287: War and Love and the Whole Damned Thing

Bonehead Dialogue of the Day: [nominated by Jason]

> "Maybe Jackie could help Phyllis out..." - Bobby to Cliff.. talk about the blind leading the blind..
This is great! I hadn't even thought of that! Not just the blind leading the blind, but the bored leading the bored! Phyllis and Jackie can do each other's nails, I guess, because between their two bosses, they've got NOTHING else to do.

Angelica award: Rose. What a surprise.

- I've only got a couple today. The first and most obvious one was the silliness of McKay's mercenaries waiting behind his house to come out at Fred Hughes' whistle. Is that why McKay hired them - to hide along the walls and wait for a whistle? Or did they read the script and just know that they were supposed to be there?

- I also want to know where in the world the Harper boys got the gumption to plan that wedding the way they did! First of all, they found JR a very nice-fitting suit. And then they found suits for themselves. And combs for their hair! And to top it off, a preacher who I suppose won't squeal to the cops about their fugitive from justice.

Dan Johnson pointed out: When Bobby and Ray fought the 6 guys in the bar today one of the guys had his hands on his hips at two different times AFTER the fight started.  I'd hate to know he was backing me up in a rumble!  He must have been 'Cowboy #4' listed in the credits.

Tom Blackburn asks: Tell me, does April still own a restaurant? No one has gone there or mentioned it since the new season started. I know she has never been a hands on owner, but she should drop by occasionally. There is no indication that she does NOT still own her restaurant. I forget whether or not we see it again.

AHN Anne's corner:

- How come Ellie didn't get up when Ray came in? That's not very polite, being that he came all the way from Europe to see her! Oh, who knows. Ridiculous.

- "This old thing? I only wear it when I don't care how I look." Tracy lifted that right from "It's a Wonderful Life!"

- So Tracy paid Bobby $400 and then he took some of the money to buy drinks. Well, he dropped one of the four bills she gave him on the counter. How much could a couple of scotches cost? Apparently $ 100. [Keep the change?]

- I just don't understand why Sue Ellen hasn't used the same attorney more than once. Her first one was just fine for the divorce. (By the way, I know that they probably couldn't have gotten the same actor. It's the principle I'm critiquing.)
Well, do so! You're absolutely right. And Kyle Bennett did a good job defending her when she was accused of shooting JR - how come no one else hired this boy?

AHN Val's corner:

- Ray is stuffing his pants again.

- When Carter told Rose that she's "got a packed suitcase" and she can leave if she doesn't like the situation, she should have taken him up on it. Why does she stay around and take that abuse from him. I hate to say this, but I think that even Rose can do better than Carter. Yeah...well, I guess it depends on your definition of "better". Frankly, I'm thinking guys on the street are better than Carter at this point.

- Tracy referred to Cliff as "the best friend". Whose? Bobby's? Sure they have been palling around a lot lately, and are now in business together, but I'd hardly call them best friends. I think she's referring to the previous episode, where Bobby said that Cliff was his "friend". Cliff referred to her as the "hustler" and she was just jostling back.

- Those dumb hillbilly brothers were making JR dig his own grave. They should have make him dig it out in the fields. Somewhere other than 20 feet from the main house. When the local law (and I use that term loosely) comes around, wouldn't JR's "disappearance" coupled with a freshly dug mound of dirt arouse suspicion? Do you really think that lousy sheriff would come around and dig it up? I don't know...

- At JR and Cally's "wedding" the preacher man referred to JR as John Ross Ewing. No "junior". Did he relenquish that title to his son when Jock died? I thought once a junior always a junior. Again, I'm of two minds here. First of all, for JR to refer to himself as John Ross Ewing Junior at this point borders on blasphemy. Only Ellie would denigrate Jock's memory in this way. This is a good point, though.

AHN Analise's corner:

- Love that slow, stupid music they play when they are in Haleyville. Bass guitar? Bass or acoustic...I'm not sure.

- Clayton certainly speaks rudely to the judge on the phone.  Such an ox.

- JR is shown tilling the soil behind a jackass, literally.  Is this supposed to be symbolic? Quite possibly. Interesting.

- Cally, in her first scene was wearing an original Ellie Farlow sackdress.  Gee, she's dressing more like a city slicker. Well, that's good to see. She's getting in rhythm for her big episode.

- Those brothers certainly smile a lot when they are being mean.  Must be a hick trait. It is.

- Why is JR still wearing his jail uniform now that he is out of jail? Because he certainly couldn't go to the warden's office and get his other clothes. And I bet Boaz and Japhet don't have anything else that fits.

- Lucy is clueless.  So now she will start divorce proceedings against Mitch because he did not have time for her.  Does she think Casey will? Yes. We should have a "Who's dumber?" poll of the week - Lucy vs. April in a moron death match.

- When did Bobby learn how to rig a bomb?  Is that part of the core curriculum at U Texas? Well, Ray did the hard work. Channeling the spirit of the mad explosives dude who set up that briefcase for Angelica Nero.

- I loved it when Ray asked Clayton what he was thinking to sell land to McKay.  We were all thinking that!  Jock would have known a scoundrel if he had seen him! Strike four on Clayton.

- Hmm, do you think that Half-Breed's smirk while the cop was at Southfork might have given the Ewings away? I think so. Surprisingly, I don't mind having Ray back right now because he doesn't have an annoying significant other that we have to be subjected to.

- Did Sue Ellen know to have her handbag available at arms length on her desk just in case she gets asked out to lunch? I guess she did.

- Casey is wearing a suit!  Too bad he still acts like a pompous Oklahoma tumbleweed. He's ALWAYS been acting like that.

- Those ranch hands at Southfork look old.  And ranch hands say "reckon" a lot.

- Tracy needs work but not money?  So a pool hustler does what she does because the experience is character building?
- Tracy promised Bobby that she would stay for drinks.  Yet she leaves. Rude.
- Bobby scares Tracy yet she gives him a big kiss. Anything else bother you about Tracey? :)

- Great juxtaposition with Sue Ellen getting the divorce at the moment when JR marries Cally. Yes. Very well done.

- A man is killed in the last scene today.  So why do they play light-hearted cheery music? I have no idea. Very weird.

AHN Jason's corner:

- April has hit on Wendell, JR, Bobby, Cliff and even Wes but she won't touch Casey.. come on...

- Bobby doesn't pay for his drink order at the bar...  also he seems to point out Jordan Lee and Punk to Ray but the camera just shows a room full of extras...  Stupid to "show" the direction that he is refering to if they won't show the people he says are there... I thought so too. That was so lame. I can sort of understand for Punk because he's GONE. But Jordan Lee is seen again on the show so this makes little sense.

- Cally's bros are both seen in the car as it pulls up at the beginning of the episode but only one of the gruesome twosome was seen at the end of Fri's episode. Guess Japhet must have picked Boaz up someplace.

- Also it was dark at the end of Fri's episode but it is light out now... It's unclear how far the penal camp is from the Harper farm. It's a "county" camp so it's possible that it's a good drive away. If JR was sprung in the early morning, a little before sunrise, this could make sense.

AHN Jake's corner:

- When Bobby is at that little oil party, he says to the bartender, "Hey, pal, a scotch on the rocks."  Pal?  Odd. Everyone's Bobby's pal, aren't they? Except April and other non-virgins. [Kidding. Good point.]

- Where's the helicopter when they blew up the dam?  We know why it's not there, but shouldn't Clayton be wondering, if it saw them before, why isn't it coming now? I wondered that too. Awfully convenient.

- Bobby says everyone in town knows where Ewing Oil is.  Not quite, considering the fact it's not the original Ewing Oil and he hasn't done squat business!  How the heck would everyone know where he is?  A few, maybe, but not the majority of people, like with the old Ewing Oil. Excellent point.

- Ray says Charlie is pretty good at French.  How?  She's been there about a month and a half.  I've been taking Spanish for 7 months, and I have an "A," but I'm not pretty good.  I just got down the basics.   Considering Charlie got D's and F's before, she's a pretty fast learner. It's amazing what happens when you have to go and live in the country. You learn pretty quick as it is. I remember being in Saudi Arabia for two weeks. If you don't learn to speak the language really quick, you won't get out, because they won't give you your passport back.

- Bobby says it's just he and Ray against the soldiers.  What about the ranch hand (the one who got shot)?  Doesn't Bobby knows he's there? I think they're just talking tough. Of course, the brothers could have handled all those guys on their own...but they needed another guy to job to the bullet.

- For trained soldiers, they fought pretty badly!  Ray and Bobby threw more and better punches than them!  If it wasn't for the guns, they would have lost! Agreed. At least someone should have connected with a punch.

AHN Kyle's corner:

- So oil is all lousy again. right? According to Bobby at the reception. Why is it so bad? Is it still the fact that it's being undersold by Asia vendors? What about Donna's tariff? Tsk,tsk. You said a bad word. [Can't say Donna or Pam on the show.]

- Nobody really seems concerned AT ALL about JR. How long has he been gone for? It's been like a couple of weeks (on the show, I mean). Unclear, but you're quite right. This behaviour would be expected of [and welcomed with!] Lucy, but not JR.

- Sue Ellen's desire to be in "a fluid position" made me laugh. Ummmm, I know what she's trying to say, but the correct terminology would be "liquid". Fluid just sounds ridiculous.

- It's my experience that the BIGGER the wine bottle, the weaker the quality. And I've NEVER seen a huge bottle of champagne. I shudder at the thought. Oh Casey...

- The shot that Tracy says Bobby will "Never" make is actually quite easy. Not that I'm a hustler, we just have a table in our basement. There was nothing difficult about it at all. Yes! I thought so too, but I wasn't sure. I thought there might have been something tricky about the angle, but I looked at it again and even I, a rather inexperienced player, could have made that.

- I'm sure the militia group does have permits for their guns, but what about those assault rifles? Not sure what the government's stand is on those babies. Well, the NRA was a lot more popular in '88. Not too sure either.

AHN Rob's corner:

- You mean to tell me that Ray's been in Europe all  this time and all he brought back was an envelope with about five or six pictures in it? Were there only five or six? Didn't notice.

- ...And why is Jeremy Wendell being so damned nice these days?  It's enough to make one's butt clench... Because he's going through puberty and is hot for Sue Ellen's body. If I were him, I'd forget about the elder Ms. Gray and chase her daughter.

- D&S Oil?  D&S Oil?!  D&S OIL?!?!?!  Company names are obviously NOT the strong point of Dallas business people.  LIVE!!  It's the Clippers versus the Mavericks from D&S Oil Reunion Arena!  Welcome to the Giants versus the Cowboys from Petro Group Dallas Texas Stadium!!!  UGH!!!!! ROTFLMAO! Oh man! This is too funny! Don't forget about the Saddletree Dome and the Pam's Aerobics Unlimited Center [lovingly referred to as "The Leotard"]. Oh, boy! I'm seriously getting tears from laughing so hard. I gotta calm down a bit...

- No wonder Bobby whipped Tracey's ass in pool the second time around.  The ensemble she was wearing -- while cute as hell -- is not exactly what one would wear to a championship billiards match unless they were watching from the stands.  Still, April and Sue Ellen can learn a lot from the little lady...

AHN Mike's corner:

- Not only is Jeremy going through puberty as noted, this makes two times he has violated the sacred "I eat alone" rule. We can only hope that he doesn't try to entice Sue Ellen into a game of tennis on his home court. I never want to see the Jeremy's short-shorts tennis outfit again or that effeminate butler of his. Nor do I! Mercifully, we are spared this.

- Mention was made by other AHN's of McKay's rather incompetent mercenaries. Perhaps he got a discount on hiring the remains of the BD Calhoun crew that survived the oil field massacre. Kyle suggested this...but didn't all those guys die? Isn't that why Calhoun was angry at JR in the first place?

- These guys are beyond incompetent. First they get the crap kicked out of them by a couple of millionaires and then one of them stupidly shoots a Southfork ranch hand in front of a room full of witnesses. And why are they all wearing camouflage outfits? Southfork and McKay's ranch are wide open spaces with nary a tree or shrub to hide behind. Just to look mean, I guess.

- And why do two millionaires go to a local cowboy bar to drink beer in the first place? Have these two, either singly or together ever been in a cowboy bar where there wasn't a brawl or a heated confrontation? You'd think they'd have learned by now. As sure as two plus two equals four, Bobby and Ray together drinking in a cowboy bar equals a brawl. I could see it coming a mile away. Guess Ray was just sick for his second home.

- By the way, you knew that ranchhand was a dead man when the camera showed his face often and he got a line of dialogue in the earlier bunkhouse scene. It's the Star Trek syndrome! The guy in the red shirt who beams down with Kirk and Spock is going to get blown away for sure!

- Based on the assembly of ranch hands in the bunkhouse, apparently having a big bushy moustache or other facial hair is a prerequisite to getting hired on at Southfork. Ever since Clayton came around, I'm sure that's true.

- Re Bobby's difficult pool shot to beat Tracy: the first shot they showed was an extremely difficult angle. When the cut to another camera angle to show Bobby making the shot, the ball blocking the eight ball from the pocket had been moved away, making it a fairly simple shot.

- Immediately afterwards, yet another beautiful woman throws herself at Bobby. Well...since Patrick Duffy is heavily involved in the booking, this is hard to get around.

- I can only assume JR was wearing one of the Harper brothers' suits for his wedding. But they were both wearing suits as well. Are we to believe that one of these yokels actually owns two suits? By the way did JR's suit have a big "P" and a sweat stain on the back? How come JR's plowing mule wasn't the best man? I noticed about the suits. Forgot about the sweat stain angle.

Episode 288: Showdown at the Ewing Corral

Bonehead Dialogue of the Day: [nominated by Kyle and Analise]

>Clayton: "We didn't knock the fence down."
>Ellie: "Who did? McKay?"
- NO Ellie, it's your OTHER crazed neighbour who's waging war on you.

Honorable Mention: [nominated by Jason and Jake]

>McKay to Ellie: "I take it this isn't a social call."

Angelica Award: Since almost all the ladies took a day off, there wasn't much to choose from.

- As you'll see below, several people pointed out the lameness of JR's wild ride away from Haleyville. But I would be remiss if I didn't add that when he runs out of gas and tries to restart the car, it sputters and chugs as if the battery is weak. I've had a similar situation happen to me, and this is not what happens at all! Assuming everything else is all right, the car will crank continuously but refuse to start - similar to what happens if your carburetor is flooded.

- And why does JR leave the lights on when he abandons the car? This does not seem prudent under the circumstances. Suppose he found a gas station after walking a few miles. He gets some help and comes back to the car, only to find that the battery's drained and he's back to square one. [Yes, I know he has no money with which to buy gas - but you see what I mean.]

- When Tracey asks Bobby about his love life, she says she knows about Pam. How did that happen? Certainly the memories are painful for Bobby, so he wouldn't spill his guts to her for no reason. Other than Cliff, she hasn't met any of his other friends. So how does she know?

- Oh, JR. You wacky dude lost in a world not your own. You finally manage to get to a phone, so you decide to call Sly. First of all, you're not going to get much long-distance time with a quarter...oh, wait. You'll call collect. Good idea! Except that you've already dialed Sly's number. If you wanted to make a collect call, you don't have to put in the quarter, and you'll need to dial 0 for the operator first. 

- Just a note: something about the hair and earrings, I guess, but Sly looked a lot like Laurel Ellis when she was waiting for that chopper to land.

- And speaking of the chopper, I couldn't help but notice how clean-shaven JR looks when he returns to Dallas. I think we can assume that JR might have shaved once or twice in Haleyville, but certainly he's gone at least one long night and most of a morning without a razor.

- Ray and Bobby still seem to be channeling the spirit of the mad explosives guy. I'd really like to know how Bobby can tell that the water well bomb was on a timer. How could he tell, for instance, that it didn't have a mechanical trigger or a proximity sensor or something?

Tom Blackburn asks: Where, exactly, was Lucy when all this was going on? She and Casey came back from Oklahoma. Wouldn't she be the logical one to take the boys into town to stay? And I would assume that Ray was not the only thing she learned to ride growing up on Southfork. She should be able to be of some assistance in running the place (perhaps recruiting new ranch hands?) Well, I think Lucy could be VERY useful in getting ranch hands to stay over - but only if she were part of the package. I think this was one of Charlene's days off.

AHN Kyle's corner:

- Now wouldn't JR check the gas tank BEFORE it was almost empty? He seems almost surprised when it happens. And that was just pathetic when he tried to restart the car. I guess he was hoping against hope that there was some extra in the reserve. It was really sad when he tried to restart the car, especially since your car isn't supposed to make sputtering noises just because you're out of gas.

- The actual song (with lyrics) during Bobby and Tracy's love scene was incredibly silly.

- If JR really intended to write that guy (who gave him a ride), shouldn't he ask for his address. It's possible he did this off camera, but then when he leaves shouldn't he say something like "El Dorado, Arkansas, right?" just to confirm? I think the guy must think JR's just a bum who talks big, like Dandy. I for one believe that JR was sincere in his desire to reward the man, so I think you're right.

- Why doesn't Sly hug JR when she sees him? It's her boss and she hasn't seen him in weeks. Then again, I'm sure all thought Halleyville slave labour hasn't done much for his body odor. Yuck. I think that's why. She can see what a mess he is, and I don't care if he's the one signing my paychecks - no hugs.

- Go militia! Great job of stopping people from seeing McKay. When Ellie comes by "stop ma'am, oh come on, stop...... please? Ohhhhhhh." That was truly pathetic - but it gave me an idea for a tote. As a side note, when the range war is over, that guy has a great career ahead of him as a Ewing Oil secretary.

- Haleyville the ideal place for an upscale resort area? Oh man, that's freaking hilarious. At least make your story somewhat plausible, JR. Bobby could easily refute this. Well, that's the story that JR gave Bobby when he decided to stay in Haleyville - at least he's trying to be consistent.

AHN Anne's corner:

- What's up with Steve Kanaly being a part of the regular cast? I thought he was off. Oh, well. He is off. They brought him back just for this storyline, and I for one am sort of glad they did.

- No big time nits today, just comments.  First, I don't see the appeal of Tracy. She is so not pretty! She may be McKay's type but certainly not Bobby's. I must invoke the "no spoilers" rule here to refrain from commenting too much...but I agree about one thing. Tracey is very ordinary in my eyes.

- I also had to comment on the music, given ethereal treatment by the master, Richard Lewis Warren. Much as I love his work, I think it was misused today. McKay's reunion with Tracy doesn't deserve such depth. And then J.R. driving down the country road is another example of beautiful music when it wasn't needed. I think the producers should have saved Warren and hired Morley for today because the sentimental moments were not all that involving.

AHN Jason's corner:

- If I was JR I would have made sure Sly had the address correct before hanging up the phone... Seems to rush through this part. Good point. Why take that chance.

- Nice look up Sly's legs when the helicopter arrives.. Not nice enough. :( I wonder what the producers said to Debbi Rennard at the beginning of this shoot. "Okay, Debbi. Just stand there...legs apart a little bit...little bit more... pay no attention to the man with the camera who's looking up your skirt...good...good....VERY good...oh, yes!  ...that's perfect!...CUT! Now, let's do it again..."

- McKay's "crack team" is really lame if  a) they can't stop Ellie from driving up to his front door and b) they let Ray, Bobby, and Clayton steal back the cattle... come on... They're not stealing the cattle back - the herd just went in a direction it shouldn't have. Not being able to stop Ellie is ridiculous.

- The 5 cents off a barrel deal that Cliff and Bobby work out with the guy at the beginning of the episode is not edited into the contract that they have him sign.. It's unsure what the contract is about. Probably just an agreement to have Ewing Oil serve as a refinery. Details may have followed later.

- Just a note.. there is a HUGE height difference between Bobby and Tracey... Beth Toussaint is mighty short, isn't she? I'd like to see her stand next to Charlene Tilton.

AHN Val's corner:

- When JR started that fire, it "took" way too quickly. Sure, it doesn't take much to start a blaze once fire meets straw, but JR didn't even take the glass cover off the lantern. He should have at least done that to ensure a quick inferno. But noooo. He just....dropped the lantern and POOF!!!!

- I'm surprised that the Harper clan drive around in that old Ford sedan instead of a pickup truck. They are farmers (sometimes). They can't be hauling hay bails in the back seat of a passenger car. Maybe the truck's with Jethro at the shop. Good point, though.

- Just an observation: When Carter saw Tracey and Bobby kissing, I thought his head was gonna explode. I thought he was going to have a grand mal seizure myself.

- Tracey and Bobby walked into her apartment, she hit one button on her conveniently-located radio, and PRESTO! The perfect seduction music!!! That never happens in real life (at least not around here). Usually, when one turns on the radio, he is greeted with a lame car dealer commercial, or news, traffic, sports, and weather. NEVER ever have I turned on the radio to that kind of perfectly timed mood music. I always have to change the station, or at least look for a CD. What's more, that music probably lasted the entire duration of Bob and Tracey's lovemaking. I wonder how long that song was. Too long. This was such a lame scene.

- When JR called Sly, she was in bed sleeping. When she rolled over to answer the phone, her hair was braided. I know for a fact that that kind of hairstyle is VERY uncomfortable for sleeping on. Sly's liable to wake up with a monster headache. Must have read the script and realized that she was going to be disturbed.

- Another observation: It's a good thing Sly was driving a convertible when she picked up JR. He must have a good month of road work and farm funk under his shirt. I wouldn't want to be driving in a fully-enclosed car with THAT. Amazing what she can afford on a secretary's salary. Another good point.

- Carter laid the smackdown on that henchman of his. LITERALLY!!!! That was funny. The boy and I were laughing our heads off during that scene. The Rock [a WWF wrestler who specializes in laying the smackdown] would have been proud. I definitely was. Anybody who mouths off to Ellie like that needs to be bitch-slapped mercilessly and have his rudy-poo candy ass checked into the Smackdown hotel. .

AHN Joe's corner:

- I didn't take notes on nits, but there was one thing I wanted to point out that was painfully obvious.  The window in Bobby's office shows a cityscape along a waterline, and this night-time cityscape is egregiously obviously a poorly done flat.  The major mistake was putting a waterline in, as the reflections of the buildings do not shimmer nor do they move as the camera moves.

AHN Analise's corner:

- I like the address JR gives Cally, "Southfork Ranch, Braddock, TX"  No need for zip code or street. I don't think it needs a street, in all honesty. We have seen that Southfork does have a zip code, though, so JR should have mentioned this.

- Clayton loves zooming his car on McKay property. Wouldn't we all!

- When Bobby comes in with Tracy to her house for a romantic evening, she carries in one boot and puts it next to her answering machine. Where did the boot come from?   Kind of weird. Was it a boot? Didn't notice.

- Tracy unbuttons two buttons of Bobby's and his whole shirt comes off. Did he have the other buttons already undone? He's wearing a Casey special, I guess.

- I loved seeing Ellie drive past those thugs knowing they would never hurt a lady. That was great! Absolutely. Ellie rocks when they let her.

- Carter slapped Fred like Clayton slapped Shulton. Wimpy! It was a bit wimpy, although Carter at least looked like he meant it.

AHN Jake's corner:

- Bobby seems a little too happy after coming back from the bar shooting. He just witnessed a murder, for crying out loud.  And it was soon after. He was all smiles. Well, actually, it's a bit unclear as to how much time has elapsed. Could be a day or two.

- When J.R. calls out to one of the brothers about the barn fire, he comes over very slowly, holding his horse the whole time.  If I were him, I'd RUN OVER and forget about the horse.  Idiot. Idiot is a good word for Boaz.

- Bobby asks her why she's in Dallas.  Couldn't she just have been born and raised here? Then, like all the other Ewings, she would speak with a Texas accent. [KIDDING! Other than JR, no one has a Texas accent. But you see what I mean.]

- Tracey says she used to be married. "Divorced?" Bobby says. Yeah, Bob; she USED TO BE MARRIED.

- Did Carter only show Tracey's picture at one restaurant?  Why would she only go there?  Big coincidence. Well, it IS the restaurant where they have everybody's face up on the wall...don't know.

- Sly has a holder on her nightstand near her bed with about 6 pencils.  I don't know about most people, but I've never seen anyone with a pencil holder with 6 pencils in it, let alone a pencil holder.  Most people have just one lying around or one in a drawer.  I just found it odd. That is kind of strange, come to think.

- How did Clayton and Ellie know the fence was down?  No one told them. Were they just driving around in their car on the fields?  Very convenient, if you ask me. Yes it was.

AHN Mike's corner:

- That Peterson guy Bobby and Cliff want to refine oil for is possibly a bigger yokel than Cally's brothers.

- And about those McKay mercenaries. Now we know where he hired them from after watching them bungling the Miss Ellie arrival - they are former Ewing Oil Building and Southfork Ewing Barbecue security people. That one guy is a perfect temp for Kendall.

- Bobby certainly has a short attention span if he thinks there's sex in the offing. One minute he's all concerned about the range war. As soon as Tracey shows up he's into the dating mode. And how about the way he removed her skirt in less than two seconds. He must have been scoping out the attack on the buttons and planning it all night long. No question. Good work, my friend!

- Ray is wearing chaps during the herding scene but Clayton and Bobby are not.

Episode 289: Deception

Bonehead Dialogue of the Day: [nominated by Jason]

> Bobby to Phyllis:  "Any calls?"
> Phyllis:  "No."
> Bobby: "Did Tracey call?"

Honorable Mention: [nominated by Kyle]

> JR: "...I met him through Calhoun."
> Bobby: "B.D. Calhoun?"
No, no Bobby. JIM Calhoun, coach of the Final Four bound UConn Huskies (who are going to lose, sorry man). Get a grip. They are not going to lose. Take it to the bank. Come Saturday, we will be saying "Scoonie who?"