Nitpicks [87-88 Season]

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Episode 252: After the Fall / Ewing Rise

- I'm curious why Pam was airlifted to Dallas Memorial rather than Braddock Emergency. Wouldn't she be closer to Braddock at the time of her accident, since she was on her way home?

- As pointed out below, Bobby has every right to tell Ellie and Clayton to keep the news quiet. Especially since they obviously told that blabbermouth Ray, who then tells Jenna. I'm sure all of Dallas knows by the mid-point of the episode.

- The 'I didn't see you come in' line is used again, only this time JR says it to Ellie! There's a switch.

- There are some slightly new hair-dos, April most noticeably, but nothing too egregious. Losing three female cast members like this will do that. Jason points out that April wasn't around in Episode 251, so she had plenty of time to get her hair done.

- Jackie got a nice new desk for her office! Same old automatic doors, though.

- And of course, I would be remiss if I didn't wonder out loud why Ellie seems to have these animalistic urges towards her husband, especially with the disgusting sweat stains that pervade his shirt. I hope my future wife loves me that much.

AHN Kyle's corner:

- OK. So Cliff got $58 million for his 5% of Ewing Oil (not a bad guess on my part-- $50 mil). $58 million is 5% of $1.16 billion, and if we add the $670 million fine we get $1.83 billion. That means Ewing Oil was sold for about 92% of its fair market value (not bad for being done so quickly, more on that later...). That means that both Bobby and JR will have about $390 million each to start with (just from Ewing Oil). Kudos to the DALLAS writers for making the money matter fairly accurate. Yeah, this is pretty good.

- My assumption is that Weststar bought up Ewing Oil lock, stock and barrel. I'm sure that Weststar is a massive company, but coming up with nearly $2 billion this quickly might be a bit of a stretch (and one would have to assume that they did seeing as Cliff gets his cut in today's episode). They must be even bigger than I thought... like say the size of Microsoft (c. 1999).
Well, this is hard to say...they probably got some quick financing arranged. After all, JR was able to get a 1 billion dollar line of credit during the dream season, and Weststar is MUCH bigger.

- It seems as though Bobby parks illegally when he arrives at the hospital (and then AGAIN when he arrives later, in the background). I'm pretty sure that was a red zone (i.e. for ambulances). Usually spots right in front of the hospital aren't readily available (but then we couldn't see Bob running into Dallas Memorial, could we?). BTW, April does it too.
I can't believe I missed that!

- Couldn't Cliff have waited until April left to do his little Hamlet-esque soliloquy ("Oh father, I've failed you..."). It was really
awkward and bumpy to have April was there. Well, how else is April going to get over, man? She needs to do something.

- Cliff says that Digger "didn't have a mean bone in his body", but wait... didn't Digger kill a man? [possible BDotD here].
Ahh! Very nice! Well, he had one mean bone but I guess he lost it after his wife left him.

- Mr. Bobby? Mr. Bobby?? MR. BOBBY??? Nuff said.

- Did JR say that he was going to let Sly decorate the new office? That seems very strange. Maybe he wants a feminine touch, but I'd like to think he has some ideas in mind for what the place will look like. He does. Don't worry.

AHN Jason's corner:

- A non nit that hasn't seemed to happen since episode 90...  JR picks up the phone and says "I got it ,Theresa"  a touch of reality... too bad this only ever happens after a tragedy... Yes, that is a nice touch.

- Also I couldn't be sure, but I don't think the phone was plugged in. I'll check. Good one.

- I am no EMT but the bandage job done on Pam when she is first seen in the helicopter was pretty impressive for something done on the field....  I would have thought it would have been done that carefully in the hospital....

- I found it strange that no one even mentioned Donna, Gary, Valene or Lucy saying that they called and "wished their best"  or whatever they say in such tragedies... Why? They no longer exist for our purposes. [I know what you mean.]

- And while we're at it, what ever became of Pam's Aunt Maggie and Cousin Jimmy?  I know they have been gone for YEARS  but it would be nice continiuty wise to have at least mentioned them. Out of sight, out of mind, dude. If Cousin Jimmy were around, Ray would still be in Lucy's pants.

- Sly cabbages JR's loss of Ewing Oil badly..  Like JR doesn't know that all of his assets were mortgaged, even the building, etc. etc... Almost as badly as Marilee and Jordan.

- John Ross was cursed by the new season hair dos..  In the last episode of the 86-87 season  he has long hair (for a boy)  in the back...  now he has short hair and a SUIT on when he and JR are looking for new offices...  Now since the Pam plot is being done at the same time, it is only MAYBE an hour later... if that...   so John Ross changed from a sweatshirt to a Suit and got his hair cut in that hour.. and his father already had a new office building being constructed to his desires in that hour...  pretty far fetched... Kudos though for Sue Ellen..  She had the same hair and outfit that she was in in 251...

AHN Mike's corner:

- The immediate question that comes to mind is whether by now the Ewings and their extended family are getting volume discount rates at Dallas Memorial Hospital. Even as one checks out another checks in. I think they ARE getting a discount and additional perks. Too bad Pam can't enjoy the perks...or maybe she got the two-ply bandages.

- Consider this, two episodes ago Bobby pulls up at breakneck speed and parks his Porsche  apparently illegally, right in front of the hospital. He then proceeds to leave the keys in with the top down!! The next day, his car is back in the exact same spot and April and Cliff park crookedly and apparently illegally right in front of him. I argue that this is a row of reserved parking for the Ewings - the hospital's best customers. Interesting spin. Kyle noted the egregious parking.

- Did anybody notice that Raoul's first line, telling Bobby about a phone call, was delivered with a decidedly Texas accent instead of the expected Mexican accent? Later, in his second line of dialogue the accent disappears. This was very bizarre.

- Why is John Ross wearing a jacket and tie to go office shopping with JR? The whole family looked like they just came from church. He may just going through that "I want to be like my dad" phase. In his case, it lasts his whole life.

- Another thing prominent in the last two episodes is a lot of senior sex innuendo going on between Miss Ellie and Clayton. Miss Ellie must have bought a whole bunch of sack teddies and other sack lingerie from Valentine. Ooh...that's disturbing.

- Boy, did April look bad in the scene with Cliff where her hair was pulled back! Made her face look square and looked like she had a receding hairline. I didn't think it was too bad...different, but it was all right.

- Bobby must have really been upset at the hospital when he told Clayton and Miss Ellie not to tell Christopher about the accident. Did he forget whose loudmouth blabbing let Christopher know he was adopted? He has every right to worry! They told that blabbermouth Ray!

AHN Joe's corner:

- I know that one of the AHNs already wondered why John Ross was dressed up when he was looking at buildings with J.R., and this was attributed to wanting to be just like daddy.  However, this occurs on the same day as when we saw the Ewing Oil offices being emptied (as can be evidenced by the scenes concerning Pam's crash), where John Ross was dressed in casual clothes.  So did J.R. take John Ross home just so he could change into a suit, and then go looking for buildings?  And if that's the case, why didn't he run into Bobby, who would have told him then that Pam could probably bear a child to term?
Hey, that is a good point.

- When Ellie picks Clayton up for lunch and backs up in her VW, she doesn't turn her head around when she's in reverse.  In my Driver's Ed. courses, in between watching stupid and often gory movies about car driving safety, it was drilled through my head that one should always turn around when backing up.  Ellie didn't do that, nor did she even look in the mirror!  Oh, well... I guess anyone that's been on Southfork long enough knows not to get in Miss Ellie's way... I guess so. Good call!

-  I noticed that Christopher has started just today to call Bobby "Dad" instead of "Daddy."  I suppose this isn't really a nit, but it is rather curious...  After all, John Ross still calls J.R. "Daddy" (and Bobby and J.R. still refer to Jock as "Daddy" for that matter). Interesting. We'll see if it continues.

Episode 253: After the Fall / Digger Redux

Bonehead Dialogue of the Day: [courtesy of AHN Kyle]

Ellie: "Clayton has had a heart attack"
Ray: "What?"
Ellie: "Oh no, not today. I mean..."

That was just so incredibly stupid. The way Ellie phrases that first question, how could Ray NOT interpret that Clayton has just had a heart attack? "Oh, BTW Ray, Southfork has burned down.... no, no, not today, it was sometime back in the early 80s, but it HAS burned down." Very silly.

- This is the first time [but not the last] that Sue Ellen goes into 'posturing' mode. Today, she tells Nicholas Pearce that she built Valentine's Lingerie from almost nothing. Uh, not quite. She bought the company from Ozwald. Or has she already forgotten?

- Most of you know that I'm VERY glad to see Katherine back. Something about those eyes...but I digress. I guess she's still a little loony because she refers to Pam as her little sister. Huh? Unless something is wrong with my Dallas chronology, Pam was born long before Katherine was even a twinkle in Herbert Wentworth's eye. [Ohhh...that's disturbin.]

Dave O submitted: The more I watch Dallas the more I think Sue Ellen is a very selfish person. She does not seem to care or be affected by other peoples misfortunes. I remember when Jock died she hardly shed a tear. When Bobby died she was a little more remorseful but that was probably because she was drunk at the time. Now this Pam travesty is not hurting her at all. She seems to be a very happy person (except when she gave it good to Mr. Valentine) Does she go to the hospital? Nooooo. Does she ask how  Pam is doing? NOOOO. I thought Pam was her friend. If this happened to Sue Ellen I would bet my bottom dollar that Pam would show some sadness over it. She did visit Sue Ellen in hospital when she miscarried Peter's baby. All Sue Ellen wants to do is kiss J.R. and live in her perfect little world. I guess they truly deserve each other. I usually like Sue Ellen but she is really ticking me off right now.
Yeah...you're right! Hey, you know what? Has anyone even TOLD her? I'm being facetious - of course she knows - but no one talks about it with her. This is really weird. Thanks for pointing it out.

AHN Val's corner:

- Today, we got to see the inside of Cliff's refrigerator. YUCK!! I know he's a bachelor, but he's also quite wealthy; at least wealthy enough to afford groceries. That refrigerator looks like that of a struggling college student. Not only is it barren, but there were a few science projects growing in there. Maybe it's time Cliff begged Afton to come back. She kept the house picked up and food on the table. Cliff is totally weird. I suppose it could be explained by the tragedy surrounding Pam. And Dandy strikes me as being a perfect Afton substitute for Cliff, except that he's about fifty pounds heavier and I wouldn't want to have sex with him.

- When Charlie came home, she was obviously in a bad mood. So, after exchanging "pleasantries" with Momma and Ray, she heads out back to "saddle up Darius." OK, so Charlie's going horseback riding. But she's wearing her school clothes--a blouse and skirt!!! These are hardly riding clothes. Yeah, I didn't know what to make of this. Not that I have the least bit of trouble with Shalane in a skirt - but it did seem highly inappropriate.

- After Charlie exits, Ray says "All we can get out of her is a grunt or a 'hmph'." They sound alike to me, Ray! No comment. I'm just shaking my head because I know what is to come with this storyline.

AHN Jason's corner:

- Just a note.. It has been two weeks since the accident.  Not sure... can't place my finger on it but that sounds like too much time has passed....... Agreed. This is bizarre.

- Cliff buys 2 drinks at a time..  a shot (shooter) and a beer (long neck). Is it customary to allow patrons to do this?  I always thought there was a 1 drink to customer at a time policy with bar establishments.
Maybe not when a guy wearing a nice suit walks in.

- Would the hospital really give Sly info on Pam? She's not family. Good point. Of course, she could always so she was calling on JR's behalf and use the power of the Ewing name.

- How the heck did Katherine get into Pam's room? Oh, she must have found a way to slip past that awesome Ewing security [snicker]. No, seriously, I'm sure she snuck her way in and grabbed a hospital gown. It's not that hard. When I was in med school, I found that it was rather easy to convince hospital staff that you're someone important, simply by the way you're dressed.

- Nice red chic leather outfit Sue Ellen has on while meeting with her business associates. Que professional!!
This will probably be the most sensible business outfit you'll see on her this season. I'm not kidding.

- Ellie says something about Clayton's heart attack 12 years ago,  I thought it was 10 years ago. It was only ten...three episodes ago.

- Pam leaves everything in her will to Christopher. What did you expect? The question is, what did JR expect? Pam's only living relatives [except for Aunt Maggie, Katherine and Cousin Jimmy, we assume] are Christopher, Bobby, and Cliff. Certainly JR should have anticipated this. The whole secrecy of looking at the will was truly pointless

- Does Ray ever work at Southfork anymore?  I never see him doing his Foreman duties.
Well, he pulled that cow out of the mud today. Of course, if he was wearing his foreman hat, he could have ordered one of the hands to HELP HIM OUT. But then we couldn't tote Ellie driving.

AHN Kyle's corner:

- Is it me or was JR's voice slightly different today? Maybe he had a cold or something, but it didn't sound normal. I found the sound quality to be lacking throughout today's episode. I thought so too. Perhaps a different sound filter. We'll see what happens tomorrow.

- Why does Sly accompany JR to meet the land owner at the beginning of the show? I know he's trying to get her more involved, but she just looks out of place. Very out of place. A consequence of the reduced cast. As a side note, when was the last time you saw three different characters introduced [or in Katherine's case, re-introduced] in the same episode?

- What's this about a buyout clause in Ozwald's contract? That's news to me. And if it does exist, why in the world would Ozwald agree to it? Very poor business decision... At the time I'm sure all he was thinking about was that $50,000 check.

- Cliff: "She [Pam] never rejected me, she never pushed me away". Hmmm, this seems to be a fairly idyllic representation of your relationship with your sister, Cliff. I seem to recall her saying: "I have no brother!" and her threatening to (and actually) leave BW on numerous occasions. She might have let Cliff get away with a lot of crap, but she wasn't ENTIRELY
supportive of his actions. Of course. But what's Cliff going to say at this point?

- Mighty convenient that JR and Sly ("stop crying!") see them removing the Ewing Oil sign. Very convenient (and would that really stop traffic?). Only on Dallas. And JR should tell Sly "There's no crying in the oil business!"

- It doesn't happen too often, but we, the viewers, occasionally catch a glimpse of Sue Ellen's fine looking body. It is these little glimpses which always remind that Linda Gray was quite striking lady (and yet the show seems to always downplay this fact).I would suspect that this is the result of Linda exercising creative control. At this point in the series, I'm sure she can dress however she wants, as long as it's appropriate for the scene.

- This is a multi-pronged nit w/r/t Sue Ellen's business venture. This whole notion of Valentine expanding (and possibly going public) is quite bizarre. Generally, companies do not expand unless their current operation is functioning efficiently. And as we have been told (on numerous occasions) Valentine w/out Mandy just isn't much. Also, they already have expanded (remember the west coast operation? didn't think so). BTW, who is running the West Coast op. now that Jamie has passed away? Maybe the phantom. Furthermore, expanding ones operation does not necessitate becoming a public company. There are several ways to expand (quite significantly, see: Ewing Oil), without participating on the market. Clearly Sue Ellen does need some advice, because she obviously doesn't have a FREAKING clue about what she's doing. [This is obviously just a vehicle to introduce a certain Mr. Pearce...]. Absolutely. The whole thing is exceedingly hokey.

- Keeping in mind I know nothing about "cutting horses", I still have to ask: what the HELL was going on with Ray and that donkey (horse?) in the water? Actually there seems to be a bunch of things wrong with this scene. Why is Ray wearing jeans? Denim and water scores a 10 on the uncomfortability scale.  Why is Ray wearing those leather pants? I'm pretty sure water RUINS leather. Finally: what is Ray accomplishing in the water (where the animal seems to be clearly agitated) that he couldn't do on land? Swimming lessons? I think it was a calf in the water. I'll ask Tory Humphries about this.
Tory responds:The leather pants are definitely a joke.  But the rest of the scene is fairly legitimate.  I grew up on a farm and my dad usually had 300-400 cattle. It is very common for a small calf to get stuck in a pond. Cows like to wade out in the water to cool off and get a drink.  This calf appeared to be stuck. Ray and Ox were just trying to get him/her out.

AHN Mike's corner:

- Did anyone notice that the BD Calhoun military music cropped up during the Sue Ellen/Ozwald Valentine shouting match? Valentine also seems to have a adopted a number of Cliff's physical mannerisms. Just as long as he's leaving.

- Poor Pam, the body (or in this case, the stunt body) is still warm and there's April and Katherine already in action trying to take over everything that was Pam's. Did you expect anything less? It's good to see her back.

- Larry Hagman had a doozy of a cold throughout the filming of this episode which was evident practically every time he spoke. Yeah, I thought so. Thanks for confirming.

AHN Joe's corner:

- When Sly goes into J.R.'s office, she forgets to knock.

- Well, J.R. has a new car, again...  Must be nice to be rich. Very nice to be rich.

- When J.R. and Sly drive off from the courthouse, they don't buckle their seatbelts.   I wasn't going to mention this, because people in Dallas hardly ever do so anyway.   But when they are driving on the highway a few minutes later and they notice the ex-Ewing Oil fields, they are in fact buckled. Great point...and a tote! Thank you.

- Not a nit, but Larry Hagman now has his custom-made "J.R." gold watch, if you noticed.  You can find more information about it from the Larry King interview at http://www.jrewing.com

- When Ellie drives to where Clayton and Ray are pulling a calf out of the water, there is a cut, and when it cuts back to Ellie's car, the car is in the same place where the cut left off, as if Ellie stopped when the camera cut and started up again just before the camera was back on her. Yeah, I thought so but I figured the weird perspective was playing tricks. Thanks for confirming.

- ...and Raoul has his Texan accent again. Yes he does.

- When Sue Ellen's secretary wants entry into Sue Ellen's office... so far so good...   but she doesn't wait for a reply (i.e., "Come in," "Wait a minute" "Go away," etc.) and just bursts right in anyway.  Geez. I'm telling you, this Jackieism IS contagious! Good one...

- This isn't a nit, but did you notice that J.R.'s mantra today seemed to be about "moving on"?  Interesting thematically-relevant dialogue here. This is hardcore analysis, man! I like this! Moving on in both a real-world and storyline sense.

Episode 254: The Son Also Rises

Full House Moments: 3 [I think]. Bobby and Christopher at the hospital; Bobby and Christopher at home; Ray and Marnie. This is very debatable.

Bonehead Dialogue of the Day: [courtesy of AHN Kyle]

- Bobby: "Someone paid Pam a visit. Her sister, Katherine"
Wow Bob, her sister Katherine!?! As opposed to her sister Maude or her sister Jane, or perhaps her sister Sarah? Quite redundant.

- Ellie must be quite distracted by all of the things going on. In the opening scene, when Bobby organizes the search party, Ellie tells him that Christopher could be anywhere. Then, after two more pieces of dialogue, she says there's no sense waiting at home and activates the switch for the Batpoles. What gives?

- The grease monkey at the gas station tells Bobby which way Christopher went, and then points out to Bobby that there's a fork in the road in that direction. Well, Bobby came from that direction, so he probably knows that. Perhaps the guy didn't see which way Bobby came from.

- As I've been pointing out, Sly must have been keeping up a sense of formality at Ewing Oil. Whenever Harry McSween came around, she called him "Detective McSween". Now, without Phyllis or Kendall around, he's "Uncle Harry".

- This is the one that got me interested in nitpicking Dallas in the very first place. Why, oh, why, oh, why, doesn't anyone ASK Christopher who brought him to the hospital? All we're told is that it's just some stranger. Given Katherine's presence in Dallas, if you were Bobby, wouldn't you want to know what was going on? I can understand that Bobby's not thinking straight, and maybe Ellie isn't either, but shouldn't Clayton have the presence of mind to try and glean some information?

- Jenna asks Ray why he and Marnie were whispering. Hmm. They weren't whispering, Jenna. You just can't hear anything beyond a two-meter radius of your newborn son.

- Ray tells Charlie, with a straight face mind you, that "Jenna is the finest woman I've ever known." Is that a fact? I'm sure that Donna and Pam must be turning over in their proverbial Dallas graves.

- Bobby, Bobby, Bobby. I was considering toting this one on the gimp meter for you, but I'll just chalk it up to sheer stupidity. Wacko Kathy comes to Pam's room. Bobby tells her to stay away because he plans to put guards outside the door. Let's see...let's see...I know it's here somewhere...oh yeah! Hey Bob, remember Episode 164? The one where JR put guards outside your door because you had just been shot? Remember what almost happened? Katherine managed to get in and nearly give you a fatal injection. If I know Katherine, she's laughing uncontrollably inside.

- When JR takes a call near the end of the episode, he picks up the receiver and says 'Yeah?'. This doesn't seem like a good way to answer the phone.

- Dandy is either very crafty or very stupid. It's hard to tell whether he's pretending not to have heard what Jackie said over the intercom to Cliff or whether he's just really that dumb.

Rob Frazier asked:  Question: Why the hell wasn't Dallas Memorial Hospital the FIRST place Bobby looked for Christopher?! The kid HAD been adamant about seeing his mama wasn't he?  Maybe Bobby didn't check the hospital
because Chris is adopted...  =o) LOL! That's great!

- Another question: Why the hell didn't Bobby deck Katherine when she showed up out of nowhere?  Is this not the same woman who pumped him full of lead, then tried to inject him with battery acid or something? I guess he didn't deck Katherine for the same reason he didn't "take apart" an equally deserving Mrs. Scottfield. Something about being a gentleman or something. Well, I have to protest one thing: you can't hit Katherine. I would smack anyone who even thought about ruining that beautiful face. And those eyes...but Mrs. Scottfield. A damn shame her husband never hit her. Might have slapped some sense into her.

- Can you believe that dumb ox Clayton's lame excuse for pushing his body past the limits?   So he doesn't want to change for anyone, huh?  So, Mr. Ox, what kind of change do you think Miss Ellie's going to go through after she finds you on your back chewing on your own antennae...?  Just a thought... We won't have to wait long to find out...

AHN Val's corner:

- When Bobby was on the phone with the sheriff, what was Raoul doing standing around with Ellie, Clayton and John Ross like he's one of the family? Well, I've always thought of Raoul as the family dog - of sorts.

- The neon artwork in JR's new office. This looks like something in a teen dance club. Very much so. He should put Jock's picture in the middle of all that! Wonder what DA MAN would think.

- Hospital rules? What kind of cold-hearted hospital would keep a little boy from seeing his critically ill mother. I know it was a safety issue. I could even understand imposing limits; adult supervision, time limits, etc. Bobby could have even prepared Christopher for what he was about to see (his mom in bandages). But what kind of harm could Christopher's presence possibly do?  Point well made. But the harm would not be to the hospital - it would be to the writers, who would have to change the "Everything sucks because I'm adopted" angle.

- Charlie and Marnie ride the little bus!!! Hmmmm. I thought that was reserved for disabled children and preschoolers. And what's the deal with the right-to-your-door bus service? Must public schools pick up and drop off the kids at designated bus stops. Most do, in bigger cities. I used to live in a small [about 50,000 people] town, in which I got to-your-door bus service, and it was a little bus too. I wonder what school district they're in.

- In the scene with Marnie, I noticed that Ray seems to stuff his pants. He looked more endowed in that scene than Dack Rambo ever did. Seriously? Let me check the tape....WHOA! Where did that come from? Good work, Ray, my friend!

- When Cliff visited Pam in the hospital, that was sure one well endowed mannequin lying in that bed. Okay, let me fast forward a bit...OH MY! Maybe that is Vicki under those bandages...if not, then the producers should hire this woman right away. [Between you and me, Val, this preoccupation with body parts is unhealthy.]

- At the breakfast table, why didn't Christopher and Bobby sit together? Pam's empty seat was in between them. Certainly one of them could have moved over. I would think that Father and Son sitting together would be more important keeping with the continuity of the Ewing Family Seating Chart. Hmm. At first I thought that someone else might have been sitting there, but no one else lives at Southfork. So you're right.

- Casey Denault. At first glance, I thought Jack had returned. Casey sure looks like him in Ray Bans and no shirt. They also had the same hairdo. Incidentally, who wears jeans to the pool??? Especially to get a tan. Excellent point. Is that all you have to say about the esteemed Mr. Denault?

- When Dandy showed up at Barnes-Wentworth, he said he couldn't tell by the name on the door what business Cliff was in. Last I remember, the doors read "Barnes-Wentworth Oil Company". I guess Dandy can't read. I believe this was mock sarcasm [is that possible?]. Dandy's saying, "Well, gee, Mr. Big Oil Man, why didn't you tell me you were in the business?"

AHN Jason's corner:

- Bobby got that Ewing 4 license plate cleaned up and put back on his new car.  Any ideas why they had Pam crash Bobby's car and not her own?  did they just want to get Bobby a new car?  Must have had a lot of $$ saved since so many of the cast just got canned... That's a great point - obviously the writers planned that. I guess Bobby's Mercedes was less expensive than Pam's Porsche.

- My own question-  Was Katherine the woman who gave Christopher a ride to the hospital?  It was not directly addressed.
Not directly addressed is right. It is NEVER directly addressed. No one even ASKS Christopher what happened. They just slap his wrists and tell him not to ride with strangers. Believe it or not, this one thing is what started me with the nitpicking.
Two scenarios present themselves: one, it was Katherine. She was watching Southfork [tomato juice in hand, of course], saw Christopher bike away, and followed him. Of course Christopher would not remember her since he was Eric Farlow at the time she was around and not Joshua Harris. Two, it was not Katherine. Christopher may have chatted up some stranger and told her that he was going to Dallas Memorial to see his sick mother. The woman may have felt sorry for him and offered to give him a ride. But whichever it is I WANT TO KNOW. And if I were Bobby I would want to know too. I guess the writers don't want us to know in order to keep their options open with this storyline. As you will soon see, this will make no sense.

AHN Joe's corner:

- A continuity error: After Wilson Cryder says to J.R. in the bar something about "...you will never be a force in Dallas again," there's a close-up of J.R. with his lips tightly pressed together, yet there is a cut right after this (cutting to a two-shot of Wilson and J.R.) showing J.R. with his mouth slightly opened, lips more relaxed. Must be Sue Ellen's influence.

- Why don't Pam's visitors have to wear scrubs today? I think one of the nurses mentioned something about moving her to a less intense area of the hospital - right before she moves her fingers.

- Whose convertible is Bobby driving?  Does he have a brand new car already??? I didn't look close enough - is it still Pam's car? It could be. Or it could be the one JR bought for him.

AHN Kyle's corner:

- John Ross has changed clothes since the end of yesterday's episode. When we left yesterday, John Ross had just told Bobby that Christopher went to the junction. Today it picks up, seemingly just minutes later, with Bobby phoning Fenton Washburn. Yesterday John Ross wore a jersey type outfit, and yet today he has on a plaid collared shirt. While it is possible that John Ross could have changed (after all, what's the first thing you do after your cousin goes missing? That's right, get dressed up), it isn't entirely plausible. Can't believe I missed it. Good one.

- As another AHN has pointed out, that spot in front of the hospital MUST be reserved for the Ewings' because Bobby parks there... again. That red paint must just mean "for Ewing vehicles only", because otherwise that would mean Bobby had parked illegally, and we all know Bobby would never do that (snicker). Yup. I saw it.

- I guess I can understand Katherine wearing black (it reflects her mood), but the veil? Come on, "little" sister Pammy isn't dead. Very dumb (although it does further the Cruella DeVille thing...) Yes it does. [Sigh.] I'm sighing because I know where this angle is going. [Two words: No. Where.]

- Oh, the DALLAS School of Weightlifting!! Two errors today. While John Ross is doing a real exercise, there is far too much swing in his arms as he moves those dumbbells. He's at risk for hyperextending or pulling something if he keeps that one up. And Clayton... Well, he's obviously mad at the end of his weightlifting scene, but he's going to be even angrier when he blows his hamstring! You can't jerk your legs around violently like that. It's very dangerous (even if you aren't an OLD man).
Everyone noticed John Ross, but I suppose Clayton could use some Tony Little sessions too.

- Musical Hospital Signs today on DALLAS? I counted three DALLAS MEMORIAL signs today. Now I guess she'd be in a different wing after being removed from the Burn ICU, but you'd think they'd show the same sign if only for continuity purposes. Hmm. Interesting.

- You would think that when Phyllis sees Bobby (for probably the first time in a couple of weeks) she would run up and hug him, wouldn't you? At least show some sign of affection! She must have Sue Ellen Syndrome (no, not alcoholism, lack of emotionality). I suspect a bit of cognitive dissonance myself. I think Phyllis doesn't want to hug him because she has real feelings for him. At least, that's what I think.

AHN Mike's corner:

- Raoul's heavy Texas accent was back last night. Like the others I was a bit perplexed as to why he was suddenly standing in the middle of the family and comforting John Ross when Christopher was discovered missing. He even had his hand on the kid's shoulder. Yes, someone pointed this out. He's becoming more and more like the family pet.

- Also, Teresa had another new short hairdo last night. Why is it I think Teresa is secretly buying Valentine lingerie and her and Raoul are having hot and spicy Mexican sex during the evenings in the servant's quarters? I think they are. I recall saying at one point that I think more sex goes on at Southfork downstairs than upstairs sometimes. Frankly, the idea of Teresa having sex bothers me more than Clayton having sex.

- On the subject of Ewing security (or lack thereof), when Bobby returned to see Pam and found the note in her hand, there was no 24 hour security guard to be seen, despite the fact this was well after after he had requested the guard. Yup. Good one.

- As to Katherine's veil, well she is wanted in Dallas. I assume she didn't want to be recognized.

- I can't believe nobody commented on Sue Ellen's breasts hanging out the side of that skimpy leotard during the exercise room scene. Given that Clayton had the hots for her before he married Miss Ellie, she shouldn't be parading around like that in front of him. It appears from this scene and the teddy scene with JR on Monday that she lost some of that extra weight she was carrying from the hips down. She looked very good. Linda Gray looks VERY good recently. Her clothes leave a lot to be desired, though.

- Wasn't JR sitting at the bar drowning his sorrows in alcohol way out of character for him? He could have been having a meal there and still run across Cryder. That would have been a bit more typical. Good point.

Episode 255: Gone with the Wind

Abandoned Lucas meter: 1.

Something in the air must be making everyone loony. You'll see what I mean.

- Ray asks Jenna if Charlie got on her bus okay. Well, let's see, Ray. The bus is pulling out of your driveway. Your mutual liver-in-sin is walking back to the house alone. If Charlie did NOT get on the bus okay for some reason, would she not be with Jenna? Perhaps I don't understand the dynamics of the Krebbs household.

- And of course, I would be totally remiss if I did not point out how stupid it is for Jenna to have to pretend that her daughter is thirteen. Especially since, as Val pointed out, Jenna mentioned Charlie's thirteenth birthday in the 84-85 season! Even that was wrong because Charlie, according to her birth certificate, was born in November of 1970. That would make her seventeen right now. Or did Jenna falsify the birth date as well as the father's name?

- I guess it must be that water retention thing. I don't mean to be indelicate here...but Jenna is positively FAT! Even those XXL monstro-sweaters that she must not have been able to sell during her boutique's closing sale can't hide the fact that either she still has a baby to deliver, or she must be eating Ray out of house and home. But I'm sure he doesn't mind because that just means there's more of her to love...
Val slapped me on the wrist by asking: Ahmer, have I taught you nothing? Jenna just had a baby--in real life!!!! Of course she's fat. This isn't your typical Dallas pregnancy where the mommy sheds all her extra weight on the drive home from the hospital. This was for real!!! The postpartum weight loss is especially difficult after second (as this was Priscilla's) and greater pregnancies. Believe me, I know. Yes, you're right. I didn't mean it this way. I just thought it was odd that Jenna didn't snap back into shape like the other Ewing women seem too.

- And since Val got my dirty mind on the topic, I must ask: Pam-in-bandages is much...flatter today. What happened?

- Bobby is also affected. As nearly everyone pointed out, Bobby tells Pam that Christopher went to see her two days after her accident. Well, that's hard to believe since in Episode 253, Bobby told us that it had already been two weeks since Pam's accident.

- And now let's move to Sue Ellen. Someone needs to give her a history book - like an autobiography, for starters. What the heck is she doing listening to Nicholas telling her to expand to Los Angeles? She DID expand to Los Angeles, until Jamie's untimely death. Sure, it was short-lived, but it happened! Shouldn't Nicholas know this? The guy is obviously very thorough in his approach to things.

- Ellie is next. She tells Clayton she knows about his heart attack ten years ago. Well, Ellie, you better make up your mind about this. Yesterday you told Ray that it was twelve years ago. A few episodes ago, the doctor said it was ten years ago. Was there some reason to misinform Ray? Does twelve sound more or less dramatic than ten?

- Clayton's doctor must have a really good lawyer or a whole lot of insurance. It's a very dangerous thing to tell a patient that you've betrayed the doctor-patient privilege, but that's essentially what the guy did.

- Just to prove to Kyle that I'm a fair guy, I must point out: the new Valentine girl will NEVER make anyone forget Mandy Winger. This woman makes Mandy look like Cindy Crawford [and that is the highest compliment I can pay a woman - at least until I get engaged.]

Adam Lafazan asked: Moments before Ms. Ellie tells Bobby that every thing is gonna be Ok (or was that the last episode), what is Bobby doing with his hands?  Is he playing with a string? I'll check.

Rob Frazier's corner:

- I could be wrong, but for some reason I think Bobby should have found out that the Charred-Mess-Formerly- Known-As-Pam was missing sometime BEFORE he actually got to her room.  I especially felt that way after the way that rent-a-cop -- I mean, security guard -- was beating himself up about letting it happen on his watch. (Another clue was the fact that there was a clear attempt to CLEAN UP the room Pam once occupied....)   Don't AWOL patients -- especially RICH ones -- demand at least a LITTLE attention from hospital officials? Interesting spin on this. I think you're right.

-  We all know the real-life reason for this one, but why, oh why, does the doctor simply say that Pam is "gone?"
I believe that most people in a situation like Bobby's would hear "gone" and immediately (albeit incorrectly, granted)
assume the doctor meant "dead."  Come on, Doc, have you no tact?!?!   Be specific so Bobby doesn't go though>any unnecessary emotional issues...! Well, we find out in the next episode that Bobby does indeed believe the
doctor means 'dead'. So you're right.

Tory Humphries pointed out that they showed an establishing shot of DFW airport.....Then once inside the airport they showed Sue Ellen in the Southwest Airlines terminal. Southwest Airlines DOES NOT fly out of DFW. All of their Dallas flights originate from Love Field.

Dave O pointed out that the building were Clayton went for his doctor's appointment looks very much like the building where Sue Ellen went for counseling with Dr. Elby. Hey, yes it does! Thanks!

Bruce Sinclair pointed out that I didn't want to bring it up but.... JR's "American" Cadillac Allente was built by Pininfarina Coachworks in Italy ( which is, by the way, a subsidiary of Ferrari which is, in fact owned by Fiat!!) and shipped to
Caddy for them to drop in the drive train. Doesn't get more American than that!

AHN Val's corner:

-  So, JR did buy Bobby that car--a Maserati.  That's Italian, right? Whatever happened to his "Gotta buy American" mantra from back when he bought his Caddy? Great point.

- This may have been addressed before, but Marilee Stone's hats look like UFOs. The aliens used her head as a landing pad.
They are truly pathetic hats. Best guess: the producers wanted to get the most mileage possible out of Barbara Carrera's wardrobe.

- Clayton's doctor looks like John Ross and Boss Hogg from the Dukes of Hazzard had a baby. You haven't seen Kenneth Tigar before? He's done bit parts in almost every series I've ever seen. He's a good character actor.

- Bobby asked Jenna if he could hold Lucas. But once he picked him up, he seemed distant toward the boy. He seemed more interested in fighting with baby's mother. If I were Bobby holding my newborn son for the first time, I wouldn't be the least bit interested in anything anyone else had to say to me at that moment. Instead I'd be doing some major snuggling and kissing. Spoken like a professional parent. Good one.

- And while I'm on the subject of Jenna, Ray, and Bobby, any thought of not letting Bobby see Lucas is wrong, wrong, WRONG!!! It was the adults that manufactured that sordid situation. They have no rights to feel bad about any of it! Ray invited Jenna and all her "baggage" into his home. Bobby has this new baby to whom he is obligated. And Jenna, well, she didn't get pregnant by herself, yet she didn't exactly prevent it.
Oh, yes, and Donna. She's not so innocent in this, either. She took her child away from her father and moved to Washington DC, claiming Ray can see his daughter "any time he wants". That's nice, but if Ray were truly interested in seeing Margaret, he would have packed up, followed them, taken up residence in Washington, and visited on a daily basis. It is high time these characters grew up and put the children first for a change. Children need both parents. Anything less in inadequate.
Sorry about that little rant. Dr. Laura took over my brain. You can use it if you want, though.
A very sensible rant and I agree wholeheartedly.

AHN Jason's corner:

- Nicholas Pearce- sexy ladies man.  gimme a break...  Bring back Jack and Mark...
Not Mark. Seriously. Some woman is going to have to give me a REALLY good reason why Mark is hot. I posed the question and have got no answers or even responses other than yours. Bring back the Ramboski anytime, but John Beck can explore "other avenues".

- Sue Ellen goes to a business dinner with Nicholas but brings no papers, notebooks or pens. Good one!

- No Cassie again. Is she sick or something?  I didn't see Dora Mae either. Producers saving more money.

The fabulous return of AHN Anne's corner:

- Whatever happened to Andy Bradley? Isn't he still part of the Cartel? If so, Jordan and Marilee should be ashamed of themselves for not including him in their meeting with Casey. He's not because his contract wasn't renewed.

- Didn't you think it was bizarre that April said "business talk" was her "favorite subject?" You could say politics or economics is your favorite subject, but business talk is a category of conversation, not a topic. Excellent nit! Pick, pick, pick. I love it!

- I have some redundancy nits for you. I laughed till my sides hurt when Ellie told Clayton she was kicking him out and he said, "What did I do?" Yello, Clayton! What else has anyone been talking to you about for the last five episodes? Then Ellie filed suit by asking Bobby, "What's wrong?" Sheesh, I wonder! Both are excellent points.

- Lastly, how did the doctor know that Pam was a beautiful woman before the accident? Would there have been some call for Bobby to show him a picture? Bobby talks about Dr. Gray to Pam like they've met. This is kind of weird.

AHN Kyle's corner:

- All right, the bus that drops Charlie off has the acronym B.U.S.D on it. Now I've got Braddock School District, but what's up with that "U"? It's a mystery... I was wondering the same thing! Our Texan friends will have to help us.
And all of our friends from the south tells us that the U stands for Unified. A school district can be Unified, Consolidated, or Independent. Interesting tidbit.

- I almost died laughing when Jenna's said to Ray: "you must know something about teenagers". Um.... yeah.... kind of.....
I laughed too. This is going to be an ongoing joke.

- What is Jenna talking about when she says that Ray is being treated like a "second-class citizen" (well, HE IS a half-breed) by the Ewings? Come again? The only Ewing who's mad at Ray is Bobby, and that's because Ray socked him. His Southfork avoidance seems to be self-imposed. Very confusing. Val's rant will take care of all this.

- How do you like that? Even though Pam is still NOT in the burn ICU, they've decided to return to the initial (i.e. main hospital) DALLAS MEMORIAL SIGN. This is quite odd. I think they only use this sign if Bobby decides to park illegally... I think you may be right.

- Has JR actually named his company yet? I know it becomes JRE Oil, but I don't think this has been made official. The sign says JRE Industries, of which JRE Oil must be a division.

- You'd think that Nicholas Pearce could pick up some hot ladies. Not today. The lady in red (at the airport) must've been a million. He should have ripped up her number the second she was out of sight ( a la 'Swingers'). Yeah, why did only the woofers give him their numbers?

- Ellie: "What now? You're taking up skydiving?"
  Clayton: [laughs]
  Ellie: "You think this is funny?"
Awwwww, come on Ellie, you started it! You were kidding about the skydiving thing, weren't you? Maybe she wasn't. Spooky.

AHN Mike's corner:

- Jenna's girth must have distracted everybody else but I certainly noticed that hideous yellow outfit with the black arrows all over it. Like one of the ugly outfits she wore last week, this one also has some UFO pinned to the front - a clear plastic circle with a black arrow in the middle. Weird! It certainly distracted me. She's FAT, dude!

- With all his and the Ewing's money, you'd think Clayton could get a decent doctor. This guy can't even afford a dental plan for himself and his office workers. If that gap between his front teeth were any wider, Pam could have driven Bobby's car through there and avoided hitting that truck!

- Miss Ellie made a new fashion statement in her scene with Bobby - the sack tee-shirt, a XXXX large hanging outside her slacks, making her look like the Goodyear blimp a bit low on air.

- The waitress at the Oil Baron's who was not Cassie looked remarkably like the giddy pool waitress that gushed all over Dusty two days ago. I thought so too, but I wasn't sure.

AHN Joe's corner:

-  Let's see...  Today, Clayton said he was "acting like an ass"... Ellie called Clayton "bull-headed"....  Is the Ox evolving? Interesting twist! LOL!

- Well, the best I can figure is that after Sue Ellen and J.R. got intimate, Sue Ellen went to a 24-hour hair salon and got her hair done before going to the airport... Maybe it's the humidity. I don't know.

- Wow! If Nicholas Pearce can get all those lovely ladies flocking around him with a Harvard education, I sure hope they send me an acceptance letter in April! I'm reminded of the sweatshirts I used to see: "Harvard, because not everyone can get in to BU."

- Nicholas to Sue Ellen: "Although you are a beautiful woman, Mrs. Ewing, you're also my client."  Well, Nick, there's kinda also the fact that she's sorta MARRIED! Doesn't that matter, too??? No. It does not. You'll see.

- Er, call me crazy, but why didn't the hospital save Bobby a trip and call Southfork as soon as they knew about Pam?
Less suspense, man. That would be boring and then we couldn't see Bobby rushing up the stairs and then see the look on his face...well, actually, we could see the look on his face, but we wouldn't be able to do the parking tote.

Episode 256: The Lady Vanishes

- Serena tells JR that her ex-husband is 'still in Chicago'. Why is that? In Episode 176, she told JR they were moving to San Francisco. And no, that wasn't part of the dream.

- Bobby pulls a Beavis during his episode in the Johnson home. "Huh, huh, this picture sucks. Break it!" It was very un-Bobby-like to toss that picture frame away in the nurse's bedroom and leave a mess. And then he leaves the door wide open as he leaves! Does he want her to get robbed for good measure?

- Given Nicholas's strict adherence to protocol when it comes to business, why does he allow Sue Ellen to sport the "Pebbles Flintstone" [according to Val] look? This is totally out of place.

Adam Lafazan asked: Regarding Pam, where did she get the pen and paper to write a note?  Did she ask the nurse (even though she can't speak)?  In addition, did she ever consider plastic surgery?  I guess the writers didn't want to kill her off in case they would need her return, right?   And after all, I don't think that the writers could afford another dream sequence.
Excellent point! She might have used sign language or something - but isn't this the kind of thing Bobby should ask about?

AHN Anne's corner:

- I'm not a doctor, so I don't really understand these things: I thought Pam's bandages were removed. Why does she still have them on? I'm not a doctor either [though I trained to be one for a year and a half]. I'm not sure about this but I would suspect that they just gave Pam a brief look and then put the bandages back on to continue the healing process. [Of course, we know the REAL reason.]

- Did Bobby know Nurse Johnson when he took that picture? Along those lines, he would be in huge trouble for breaking and entering! He kicked the door open, got his fingerprints over everything in the whole house and then left the door open! Maybe we should be tolerant given the circumstances. (By the way, the lady who played Nurse Johnson was in "Dallas: The Early Years!" Cool, huh?) Why did she have all those lamps on in her home during the day? Good points about all of this. The worst was leaving the door open. But I guess with all the cash that Nurse Johnson got, she can buy a new one - and more lamps!

- One last thing. I realize that the show was made in the 1980's, but Sue Ellen's hairstyles of late are not only repulsive, but they make her look about fifteen years older and really scary and evil. Someone should clue her in!
Absolutely frightening. Frankly, I can't believe that Nicholas actually allowed her to go their meeting with her hair like that. I would have expected him to say something like, "Mrs. Ewing...I don't think...that hair...is appropriate...for our meeting. Now...if you're serious...about doing business...with me...then you better go back...into your room...and fix it."
[Don't get me wrong. I like Nicholas! I just hate the way he pauses after every three words - and the gaudy sweaters he'll start borrowing from Jenna soon.]

AHN Jason's corner:

- JR and Casey drink champagne in a really low-life, tacky diner. Kinda out of place....Very. What was up with that?

- Cliff says that he doesn't think he can recognize the nurse but didn't Bobby show him the picture of her that he "borrowed" from her house? Well, we never see him do this - he shows it to the PI, not to Cliff. But I can't imagine that he wouldn't have shown Cliff on the way over. Actually, Cliff says he won't recognize her in her street clothes.

- The frame of the photo Bobby takes from the nurses house seems to be made of plastic, yet when he tosses it away, it sounds like glass breaking. Spooky.

- When the nurse phones Bobby, I didn't hear it ring at Southfork, but Theresa picks it up anyway...  HUH?
Double spooky. You're right!

- The Chairman of Wentworth Industries is called Parker Ellison in this episode.   Said he had been in this position for (at least) a few years, yet right before Pam found Mark in her backyard (In the dream), she was on the phone with the Chairman and I believe that she called him Norman...whatever his name was, I am SURE it was not Parker!! Yes, I remember this. It was Norman. I think it was a trivia question.

- Phyllis sure got those phone calls through really fast... She must have dropped Bobby's name. It'll allow you to get to anyone!

- Casey gives JR the contract to that land, but he still needs a check? Who signs a contract (and rights away) without the $$ handed over?  Kinda weird... Usually there's a clause in the contract to protect people from fraud and what not. Weird, though.

- How did Parker get past that awesome Ewing security at the hospital?  He didn't even have a name tag on his greens..   So much for good help........ None of the hospital workers do. Hospital security ten years ago was even WORSE than Ewing security. Nowadays this would never happen.

- I thought they cut off her facial bandages in the last episode.. So why does she still have them on now? Anne asked the same thing. I think it was just to let Pam have a look, and then continue the healing process.

- She sure writes a lot of notes..  How could she fit such detailed instructions on that paper?  The only note we ever saw her write was with really large print... so how could she write all those details on a single piece of paper.. especially the note to Bobby? Agreed all three times.

AHN Val's corner:

- I can't believe those hospital people are gonna tell an agitated Bobby where that nurse lives. Well, otherwise, he'll tear them apart. And of course, he's Bobby Ewing, so he has access to all sorts of high-level information. :)

- The caricatures of JR and Bobby were hilarious. But what were they doing hanging in a bar? Now, I've heard of bars and restaurants hanging up autographed photos of celebrity customers, i.e. actors, ball players, even politicians. But oilmen??? Certainly, they're more dignified than that. You'd be surprised. Here in Toronto we have a guy named Ed Mirvish who's older than most of our provinces. He owns a restaurant and a movie theater and all over his walls, he's got pictures and cartoons of all sorts of minor movie stars and wacky other people who have come through his territory.

- The little white table lamp in Cliff's condo. I have been told that it looks like an artichoke. Someone else said that it looks like a Dairy Queen soft-serve cone. I think it looks like one of those rainbow-colored stacking ring baby toys. Any other opinions? Figures you would take the toy angle. :) I'll have a look.

- When the nurse called Bobby, how come she didn't confront him about the damage to her house (see above)? Certainly, that can't be cheap to fix. Ah, but the nurse has $ 10,000 to do it. Certainly that'll cover a picture frame and a door. Even a lock, if need be. And just maybe she has a little bit of Mrs. Scottfield in her so she really cares about Pam.

AHN Joe's corner:

- When Serena is in J.R.'s office and walks to the mini-bar, she is just getting to the bar and putting her purse on the bar at the end of the cut, but in the next shot, we see her comfortably standing there with her purse already on the bar. Really? How did we miss this?

- I'm surprised Nurse Johnson's house has so many bedrooms (as evidenced by the large number of doors in the hallway in her house). This did seem odd - I thought it was strange that a nurse could afford a house like this.

- Another continuity error:  When Cliff walks into his condo with Dandy, the door is wide open, and he has his hand on Dandy. Yet on the interior shot that the scene cuts to, Cliff has his hand on the door, which is now half-closed (or, as an optimist might prefer to say, half-opened). I didn't notice this at all. Good one.

- And a third continuity error, this one in the same scene:  When Dandy walks into the condo, on the exterior shot he is gripping his coat at the top with his left hand, but on the interior shot, he has the coat draped over his left arm.

- Nicholas Pearce tells Sue Ellen "Like it said in that old song, 'You gotta have the gimmick.'"  Not too be overly facetious, the song was called, "You gotta have A gimmick." Hey, man, that's what nitpicking is all about!

- I seem to remember that the same building used for the establishing shot of the L.A. hotel where Nicholas and Sue Ellen are staying was also used for the establishing shot of a Washington, D.C. restaurant where Ray, Donna, and Senator Dowling had lunch towards the end of last season. Good one.

- Does Bobby really expect Tom Martin to be able to remember the Plane I.D. number or Tom to have written it down with such little notice?  I'm surprised Tom didn't even try to ask for that number again, as there was no sign that he wrote the number down.   Maybe he just doesn't want to do his job.  Uh oh.  You know what this means, don't you???  Jackie Dugan Syndrome is spreading!!!! Quite possibly.

AHN Mike's corner:

- It would be interesting if we had a lawyer on the list who could tell us exactly how many crimes Bobby committed at the nurse's house. I got him for breaking and entering, malicious destruction of property (door and picture frame), robbery (picture) and, most heinous of all, leaving the door open after he left to let those Texas-sized flies and mosquitoes in.

- Nicholas Pearce in the sales meeting appeared to have borrowed his glasses from the dumb adoption lady who screwed up Ray and Donna's adoption during the Dream season.

- Someone questioned how Pam could have put so many details on her note to the nurse. I question how she is able to write ANY notes. She can barely move one finger at a time and apparently cannot lift her head, let alone one or both of her arms. It doesn't seem possible to me at all that she could even put pen to paper.

AHN Kyle's corner [dug out of an AT&T router]

- Since everyone seems to have this sick fascination with the woman in the full-body cast, I thought I'd jump right in. "Pam" certainly seemed well-endowed today (it seems to fluctuate). Yes it does. Can we have yesterday's Pam back? Please?

- Could Batman really kick in a deadbolt lock? I'm thinking probably not. They don't make 'em like they used to. And don't forgot, he's Bobby. Unless Ray is around with the Kryptonite he's invincible. [Whoops! Mixing up the super heroes.]

- JR really should close his door if he's leaving the office. We all know how good Sly is at preventing people from entering his office. He also leaves the contract right out in plain view on the desk. Strange. At least file it away.
Contract...boy, it's tough to think about these things two days later. Oh, yes! Now I remember. Right.

- Bobby's not wanting to involve the police was ridiculous. Basically he's willing to risk NOT finding Pam, so as to keep the news of her disappearance away from the Adopted One. Hmmm... Well, you know what? I see your point...but at least Bobby is THINKING about his SON, which is more than I can say for another parent who shall remain nameless.

- Phyllis seems to find that plane information just a bit TOO quickly. That's grounds for expulsion from Jackie Dugan's Secretary School, isn't it? I think someone pointed this out - I believe it has something to do with dropping Bobby's name in the right place. Remember that time where he went into a hotel and the guy gave him some guff and he said, "You don't understand, I'm Bobby Ewing." Then the guy suddenly became cooperative? Same thing here, I'll bet.

- Pam just knows Parker Ellison's phone number off by heart? Ummm... OK. Hmm. Iffy...I don't know about this. She MIGHT know it by heart, because it's possible she may have called it a few days ago for whatever reason.

Episode 257: Tough Love

Bonehead dialogue: Sue Ellen's conversation with Clayton and Ellie. Qualifies as bonehead wardrobe, too.

Full House Moment meter: 1. Bobby and Christopher again.

- I'm not positive, because I can't see his fingers, but JR sure didn't look like he dialed seven numbers when calling Ray's house.

- After his punch-up with Ray and the cowboys, Bobby's face is rather mangled. Then, later that day, the bruises have miraculously healed! What gives?

- Here's one that reappears later. Charlie tells Ray she wants to talk to her mother before she goes to school. This comes just after Clayton begins to DRIVE John Ross and Christopher to school. Normally, wouldn't kids who take the bus leave home earlier than those who are driven?

- JR tells Serena that Wilson Cryder has replaced Jeremy Wendell. Uh, no. Wendell has just gone on sabbatical. Either JR doesn't know this [which I find unlikely] or he's lying to Serena, but I can't figure out he would do that. After all, it doesn't matter one way or the other.

- I can't believe Sue Ellen today. She never made the effort to visit Pam in the hospital, and now she feels bad about not going after the bandages were removed? How about BEFORE?

- And everyone found it quite odd that Sue Ellen talked about Kristin being Christopher's mother so nonchalantly. This isn't supposed to be common knowledge, is it? I mean, Clayton knows that JR and Kristin had an affair, so he probably understands about Christopher. But does Ellie? I'm sure she knows that Kristin is the mother, but certainly not about the affair her son had with his sister-in-law. Seems very awkward.

AHN Kyle's corner:

-There they go again. Robin (Ray) CAN'T (or SHOULDN'T) be stronger than Batman (Bobby). GUTI. This will be an all-too-familiar refrain by the end of the season.

- What's this? John Ross and Christopher take field trips together? I don't know how they do things in Texas, but here in Canada, field trips are usually on a grade by grade basis. It's possible that a grade 5 and 6 class might go on a trip together, but last time I checked, John Ross is more than a year older than Christopher (then again, you never know with DALLAS' "creative aging process"-- which BTW would make a great tote category: times a cast members age is misrepresented- Bobby's tombstone, Charlie, etc.).
Well, let's see...maybe this trip is just for the rich kids. I wouldn't mind if the group were larger, because sometimes a whole school will take a trip together, but this seems just wrong.

- JR says that he didn't know Walter Hicks' loan was due so soon, but in fact he DOES know. Serena told him just yesterday. I guess Serena was a little shocked by the whole ordeal, but she might have picked up on that. She's distraught. Very convenient.

- Sue Ellen can't afford to buy up 10 or so retail stores? I find that a little hard to believe. But isn't that just so convenient that April actually has a plot line? Funny how that works... Very convenient.

AHN Val's corner:

- Cliff fell asleep with his clothes on. It was amazing he was able to sleep at all with April and Dandy shouting downstairs. He must be bushed. This was kind of strange.

- Sue Ellen's limo driver was doing the Raoul--Family Dog trick when she was listening to Sue Ellen and Nicholas' conversation at the airport. Just another woman going ga-ga over Nick.

- John Ross tells the hat-stealing bully boys "game's over". Since when do children "obey" each other? When a Ewing talks, even the kids listen. Wow. Maybe once John Ross actually told JR that a kid at school was bothering him and that kid's father suddenly found himself out in the gutter.

- If Jenna came to visit Miss Ellie, she should have brought baby Lucas with her. Certainly, Grandma would want to see the little boy. Yup.

- When Clayton and Ellie were talking at breakfast, there were 2 men walking past in the background. Ranch hands, perhaps? If so, they were a little close to the main house. That's not where the horses are. I thought they were Ray and Bobby or something. I'll check.

- Dallas characters seem to drink champagne the way the rest of us drink iced tea. Yesterday, Serena was drinking it in her hotel suite before JR showed up. And today, Marilee Stone was sipping bubbly by the pool. True. Except for Sue Ellen, April, and Nick, who all enjoy ice tea at Nick's orders.

- When Dandy came into Barnes-Wentworth, Jackie stated that she had to have Pam's office sprayed for fleas. I know Dandy is rather rough around the edges, but surely he can't be that dirty. She's exaggerating - I think. Frankly, if Dandy came around MY office I would spray.

- One of the little boys at Christopher's skating lesson looked like his mom bought him a sweater from Jenna's liquidation sale.

AHN Jason's corner:

- Marilee mentions  "Jordan, Andy, and the rest of the cartel....  Who the heck is still in that?   Holly Harwood?  Punk Anderson?  They are the only two other independents that I can think of.... I don't know...this is weird.

- Ray babbles to Charlie and Lucas about Lucas's granddaddy being fat...Huh? Jock, Clayton,  Lucas, Sr?   Can anyone help me here? Well, let's see. The set of Lucas's grandfathers consists of Jock and Lucas Wade, Sr. Jock was not fat. Lucas might have been, and that explains his daughter [ouch!]. Perhaps he means Clayton, who is his step-granddad. Or maybe he's thinking of Amos Krebbs, who would be Lucas's stepdad's stepdad.

- Serena's settlement didn't come through.....  She said yesterday that she was all set, she got a nice one...  Must have had Scotty Demarest for a divorce lawyer...   He really shouldn't have branched out...

- April knows Dandy?  How?  (She seems to know him in the opening scene..) I dunno. Very bizarre. Maybe he has a nametag or something.

- After Bobby's fight, he goes down to breakfast and talks to Ellie.  There was something here about Christopher and the
timing....  Bobby says something like he just talked to Christopher, then Ellie, who has been seated for a while, says that she saw Christopher's face when he left for school that morning...  it was weird..... Yes...very subtle, but definitely this is a nit. Great one.

- Did you notice when Sue Ellen and April were seated by the hostess that she greeted them at different points in the restaurant? April is halfway to the table before the hostess greets her.... Yeah, this was weird. Maybe April thinks she's in her own restaurant.

AHN Anne's corner:

- Then the bar fight. Does it ever strike you as odd that it's always Bobby against the entire bar? Wouldn't anyone be on his side? I also thought it was lame how Ray knocked Bobby out in one punch. It was a nice one, but not much better than anyone else's that night. [P.S. I'll be willing to bet that Steve Kanaly wasn't asked to carry Patrick Duffy too far. He seems pretty heavy!] Agreed. Get used to it, though. Ray nailing Bobby senseless will become a common thing.

- I got a good laugh when Marilee took off Casey's shirt. Either he was wearing velcro or she ripped off all the buttons. No comment. I'm just shaking my head.

Episode 258: Last Tango in Dallas

Abandoned Lucas meter: 1. During Ray and Jenna's afterglow conversation. There might have been other times, but I'm assuming Charlie's babysitting during the evenings.

Bonehead Dialogue of the Day: [courtesy of AHN Kyle]

Bobby: "Why did you really come here?"
Lisa: "Truth?"
No baby. Lie to me again!

- In the beginning of this episode, when Lisa Alden bumps in to Bobby at the skating rink, a mall worker helps Lisa take off her skate and looks at the damaged ankle. The worker says, "Let me help you with your boot." Are you telling me that someone who works at a mall with a huge indoor skating rink doesn't know a skate when he sees one?

- And why oh why did no one touch that scrumptious-looking sundae during all that long conversation by the rink? Did Bobby buy it for Lisa, and she was concerned that it would go right to her thighs?

- The Ray/Jenna scene was truly revolting to most of us, I'm sure. The AHNs all commented so there's much more about it below. I will just take a moment to comment that this was a great way for TNN to start off Family Traditions week!

- Why do Ray and Jenna get invitations to the Oil Baron's ball? At this point, Ewing Oil no longer exists, so Ray has nothing to do with the oil business anymore. And Jenna...does Jenna even have a job? Or is she just living off of the proceeds of the boutique's clearance sale?

- I love this one. Look closely when Bobby dials Lisa Alden's phone number late in this episode. Bobby only presses five buttons! So Lisa's phone number has only five digits? HUH?

- Does anyone else find it hard to believe that Bobby went all the way to Houston to see the Wentworth Industries president without an appointment? It's an hour and a half by plane! Maybe that explains why he so badly dubbed for part of the conversation.

- AAHH!! PAM'S THEME! NO!! NO!! MAKE IT STOP! OH GOD MAKE IT STOP!! NO!!!...oh, it's gone. Now I feel better. Sorry about that.

- I'm glad they found a way to recycle Jenilee Harrison's "flashdance" wardrobe. I wouldn't have thought that Amy Stock would be her size - but you never know.

- When Clayton has a heart attack at the end of this episode, JR grabs a mike and asks if there's a doctor in the house. Excuse me? It's an OIL BARON's ball! Why would there be a doctor here?
Jason responds: JR asking for a doctor in the house isn't as ludicrous as it seems..  Bear in mind there are bankers, bussiness men, ranchers etc at the Ball, someone may know first aid or EMT skills, and it certainly doesn't hurt to broadcast it....  A date of an Oil Man could be a nurse or something... Yeah, maybe - but I'm thinking that if you took a cross-section of the people at the ball, you'd find a whole bunch of oil men, their trophy wives who buy new dresses every week, and some of their business associates. And then you'd find unemployed bums like Ray and Jenna. You're probably right that it doesn't hurt to ask.

- This one is very close to being a tote addition. Get a load of the "think-things-through-and-plan-ahead-and-be-careful" Jenna at the Oil Baron's ball! When did this start? Everything that Jenna has ever done in her life has been impulsive. She married Naldo when she was a teenager and went to Italy. She got knocked up and decided to keep the baby, and lie about the paternity. She came back to Dallas and tried to steal Bobby away from Pam - twice. She moved into Southfork on a moment's notice and agreed to marry Bobby. I could go on...but I'll move to today. Just a while ago, we saw her in her "gotta have it" mode because she realized that she hadn't had sex in just under a year and didn't want to break her fornication streak. So when exactly did Jenna stop being impulsive?

AHN Jason's corner:

- Nice "5" earrings on April. Gotta love 'em! Totally stylish.

- Bobby has Lisa's phone number and calls her.  He says that he will pick her up in an hour but does not ask where she lives..  It is possible he already has it written down but it is worth noting.... Well, he only dialed FIVE FREAKIN' NUMBERS to call her. Serves him right.

- This one confused me but it may be a TNN nit...   Near the end of Season 9, April was willing to sell Cliff out to Jeremy to save her hide...  pretty much a "fend for herself" character...  Yet throughout this season she has been super nice to him, even before she learned of Pam's accident...Now I know her scene in the last episode of Season 9 was edited out, but still that means she had a big turn around to Cliffy in just one episode...  Know what I mean? Rather abrupt change in character.
Yes it is. Clearly it has to do with the loss of Vicki as the female babyface, coupled with the fact that Cliff has no love interest.

AHN Kyle's corner:

- Hmmmm. Ray shagging a blonde in the hay loft.... Seems very familiar. Yes, it is. I can just picture it: Ray all sweaty, Jenna in the throes of passion, and he looks down into her eyes and says "That was way better than Sue Ellen...but Lucy was more frisky."

- I'm not sure why Ellie was satisfied with Clayton simply toning down his level of exercise. Yes, that definitely reduces the risk of a heart attack, but there's still the matter of his blockage. He's a walking time bomb (as we see at the end of the episode) until he gets that surgically repaired. Well, think about it. Suppose they didn't have this angle. Would Clayton and Ellie have ANYTHING to do?

- It's really quite bad for you to stop running abruptly (Like April and Pearce do). Experts suggest slowing down one's pace or even walking for a short distance before stopping the run. Quick halts can seriously damage your hamstrings and ankles. Professional joggers like the two of them (snicker, snicker) should know better. Too bad we can't tote this because they're not Ewings.

- That's some kind of pace for a five-mile run, eh? Donovan Bailey, look out!

- Bobby leaves his office door open! I'm noticing a new trend. Well, who would come to Bobby's office? He's not doing any BUSINESS.

- The whole concept of time is way, WAY out of whack today. Notice: 1. While working out, Ellie gets mad at Clayton because the ball is LESS than a week away and Clayton doesn't have a tuxedo. 2. Jenna gets an invitation to the OIl Baron's Ball and mentions to Ray (at the ranch) that it is TWO WEEKS away. Notice that this second scene occurs AFTER the first. 3. Bobby calls Lisa and says that he hasn't spoken to her in over a WEEK. This occurs the night of the Oil Baron's Ball. Notice that Lisa and Bobby's previous encounter occured after BOTH scene 1 and 2. 4. Ray talks to Jenna about his "make a man out of me, yet" comment that he alleges to have made "a COUPLE of days ago". Actually, Rays says this during scene #2. GIven that a couple of days usually means 2 (3 maybe if your not using it in the literal sense) days, there are some serious discrepancies between everyone's perception of time. Very, very confusing. In fact, using various estimates, it's possible to discern that OVER a month has passed since Thursday's episode! Bobby mentions to Lisa that it has been two weeks... This, too, seems very wrong. Call the Chronology Police, this show is all messed up! An outstanding analysis. I have no response to this.

- This is more Jason's field but it seems as though everyone's handling Clayton's heart attack awfully casually. JR just sort of walks up to the podium. Punk just holds Clayton. Someone call a freaking ambulance. Good call.

- Everyone is ALWAYS seated for the Oilman of the Year presentation. I guess the show didn't want to pay for all those tables. I guess not! What was up with that?

AHN Anne's corner:

- The secretaries of Cliff and J.R. made some interesting errors today. First Sly called Serena by her full name. Wouldn't she just say Miss and her last name? Oh, boy...you're getting me started again. First it was Mandy, now Serena? Boy, Sly really gets around! All kidding aside, though, you're right.

- Then Jackie called Dandy "that man." That would be confusing for Cliff, wouldn't it? Not really. Who else would visit Cliff right now? Only April, and she would be "that woman".

- Then Jenna said that they had gotten an invitation to the Oil Barons Ball, two weeks away. For such a huge event, they should mail out invitations a couple of months in advance. Excellent point.

- Finally, I thought it was funny how Ray made a point of saying he drove into Dallas to get Jenna's ring, like it's some kind of jewelry hot spot. :) That must have been one hot night in the barn...

Nitpicker Redux: [the return of the nitpicker formerly known as Jake]

- April says to Nicholas, "Don't tell me you're a runner?"  Well, let's see, he's a man, he's in good shape, and he's running.  Why couldn't he be a runner? Good point.

- When April is running her voice is trailing and her lips aren't moving. Obviously they cut it in after filming (a la Pam in Colombia). They did this quite a bit - especially when Bobby is talking to Parker Ellison, there's a very bad dub - reminiscent of a bad Japanese movie.

- When Jenna comes to tell Ray "lunch is ready", she rests on the fence, yet he says, "Wait up."  She's not goin' anywhere Ray!

- Why didn't the guy from Wentworth Industries's secretary just bring in those papers when she first came in?  What did the guy think, Bobby came in for a social call? You're really on the ball with these.

- You know, Bobby could really find out where Pam was. Why didn't he just punch the Wentworth guy and demand he tell him where his wife is?  I would have done that. Well, I guess that goes to show you how much Bobby loves Pam...and always will. Exactly. Of course, the real reason is that Vicki's not around to find any more...but anyway. Might have been nice to see an "I'll tear you apart" for old time's sake.

- J.R. asks Nicholas what an investment broker is doing at the Oil Baron's Ball. Well, Nicholas just said, to show off that woman in front of the right people. I know that wasn't his only reason, but it's just like J.R. ignored whatever he said. You're right. And there's a reason JR did that.

- Speaking of Nicholas's position as an investment broker, shouldn't J.R. know that?   After all, he got Sue Ellen set up with his boss. He should know he doesn't have anything to do with the stock market. Hard to say how much Sue Ellen has told him. She said she was considering going public, so JR might have just assumed this...iffy.

- Why doesn't Ellie come running when she sees Clayton clutching his chest? She just stays there. I was thinking about this...maybe she doesn't realize or can't see what's really happening. Or maybe she's just tired. This is weird, though.

- Why doesn't someone call 911?  J.R. should have said that also when he was talking on the microphone. Yes, he should.

AHN Val's corner:

- The Galleria has a nurse? This is the first mall I've ever heard of that keeps medical personnel on hand. Must be that death-trap of a skating rink.

- When JR and Serena were talking, the ice in JR's liquor glass was clinking around awfully loud. I suppose this could have been a technical glitch. I didn't notice. Good one. There seem to have been a lot of sound problems - there were quite a few dubs and what not.

- Jenna and Ray were sure going at it hot and heavy in the stable. WOW!! Exactly how long ago did Jenna have that baby? Due to healing, sex is pure torture, and therefore not recommended for six weeks after childbirth. Even then, it still hurts for quite awhile after that. True, some women heal up faster than others. However, I think Jenna set a new record. Kyle has an interesting analysis about of four different scenes in this episode alone that contradict the flow of time. Lucas was born in Episode 250 so it's been about 8 episodes...I'd say maybe a month. Jenna's privates must be more resilient than most. I'm really restraining myself with that last comment.

- By the way, since they were in the stable, I wonder if Ray mistakenly called out Lucy's name. Or Sue Ellen's. Or Pam's. The list goes on...

- It took Dandy long enough to take his hat off. He has been in what, 4....5 episodes? This was the first time I remember seeing him without that hat on. I think you're right!

- Cliff was wearing a flower in his lapel. Why? Was he going to be the ring bearer at a wedding later that day?

- Ahhhh, the morning after. Ray and Jenna were "dodging the bullet". Jenna coyly asks Ray, "What's there to talk about?" Jenna, Ray wants to know if he was any good. He just doesn't know how to ask. Absolutely agreed. You know, I just realized...oddly enough, they're both probably out of shape - they've both been without for about ten months or so.

- Lana Rogers looked much nicer at the Oil Baron's Ball. Specifically, her hair. Before, she looked like she'd gotten into a fight with an electrical outlet, and the outlet won. Well, she looked a little better, but I am absolutely unimpressed. Ditzy-looking blondes have NEVER attracted me at all...except Sarah Michelle Gellar, I guess.

- Bobby needs an hour to shower and change clothes? Who does he think he is, a woman? OUCH!

- All the female stars of Dallas looked great at the Oil Baron's Ball. The extras, however, looked like they were wearing recycled bridesmaid dresses. Well, as long as Patrick and Larry get their fat salaries, then I guess that's all that matters. Excellent analysis. Did you notice that they couldn't even afford TABLES?

- When Clayton started to keel over (pun intended) in pain, Punk, Mavis, Ray, and JR rushed over to help. Then, JR grabbed the mike and called out for a doctor to help. Only then did Ellie figure out what was going on and react accordingly. Strange. Yeah, that is strange. It's possible [but unlikely] that Ellie is so short that she just can't see...but I'm sure that in her fuddy-duddy way she would fear the worst.

AHN Mike's corner:

- The BD Calhoun military music played when Amy Stock mysteriously perused the photos of Christopher. I think it'll be around a lot.

- Jenna added another hideous outfit to her collection with that wacky semi-striped thing she wore at the fence when she called Ray. And speaking of the sex scene with Ray: was she licking sweat off Ray's chest for a moment there? That was pretty disgusting. She must have been pretty horny because my wife won't even come in to the same room when I'm exercising and all sweaty like that. But then I don't seem to have the same kind of animal magnetism that Ray has. I haven't slept with my cousins, or any of my relatives spouses. Jenna's ice princess demeanor the next AM made this scene and the aftermath similar to that one time Sue Ellen got the hots for JR after she had moved out of their bedroom. Jenna still seems to have a bit of that borderline psycho feeling about her left over from the dream season. I don't think she ever loses the psychosis. I think she just needed her salad tossed, and now everything's okay.

- Some things you never get bored with: with Casey Denault's help, JR is once again going to make fools out of the cartel. Just Marilee, but that'll do.

- Somebody noticed April's "5" earrings but didn't point out the significance. I presume this gaudy dispaly was to remind everyone that she owned 5% of Ewing Oil. I hadn't thought of that...wow! Someone actually remembers that little tidbit! Good one!

- You expect people on this show to cheat on their spouses, but isn't anybody a little upset that Bobby is acting so out of character? Pam's gone just a few weeks and they are still married, yet he starts up this relationship with the Amy Stock character. The old Bobby never would have done that. Well, they're not going to DO anything - yet. Just dinner and drinks. It is a little strange.

- Never thought I'd say this, but Miss Ellie was practically fashionable compared to that monstrosity on Mavis Anderson at the Oil Barons' Ball. Looked like the Ball got a new band this year. Not the same band with the geeky guitar player at the last few balls and Sue Ellen's fundraiser at the Oil Barons' Club.
Yeah, I was looking for the guitar guy but didn't spot him. I guess the producers couldn't afford them any more, just like they couldn't find room in the budget for TABLES to sit at.

Episode 259: The Mummy's Revenge

Abandoned Lucas meter: 1. When Jenna and Ray are at the hospital during Clayton's surgery.

Bonehead Dialogue of the Day: [courtesy of me]:

JR: "You haven't heard"?
Bobby: "About what?"
JR: "Clayton had a heart attack."
How in the world could Bobby have heard? He wasn't there. Maybe JR is thinking of the newshounds that follow the Ewings everywhere so they can report up-to-the-minute tragedy bulletins.

- Why exactly is Ellie so overly clueless about the details of Clayton's heart attack? I understand her concern, but she talks about the surgery as if she were a frightened four-year-old whose ddady is "sick". Jock had a heart attack in 1978, and Ellie seemed to understand exactly what was going on at the time. She was much stronger then too. Just another example of how the Ox has caused Ellie's character to degenerate. Several AHNs mentioned this.

- Of course, any questions related to the procedure should be directed to chief cardiologist, Dr. Ray Krebbs, whose suddent anatomical knowledge is shocking.

- Why is Ray reading the stock pages? Has he invested in "Cuttin' Horse International Inc."? He doesn't have any ties to Ewing Oil anymore - not that he ever cared about it when he did have a piece. So what gives?

- In Ray's house, there is a picture of Bobby on the mantle. It's exactly the same as the one that Pam had in her office! How'd it get here? And why exactly would Ray and Jenna have such a large picture of Bobby in such a prominent place? Wouldn't it be 'painful' for Jenna to see that picture all the time?

- After Clayton's succesful surgery is announced, Jenna says, "Ellie, I'm very happy for you." WHOA! Wait just a minute. Just what gives you the right to call her "Ellie"? That's "MISS Ellie" to you, you semi-frigid womb on legs! I'm amazed that Ray stood by and let her get away with this - while I don't have too many good things to say about Ray, I do admire the fact that he shows nothing but respect for Jock and Ellie. Ray should take Jenna down Jabronie Drive, hang that right on Know-Your-Role Boulevard, and check her into the Smackdown hotel...if you smell what I'm cooking. Dave O noticed this too.

- Small point, but worth nitpicking: JR tells Casey Denault that he can agree to Marilee's oil deal from 70 to 80 cents on the dollar. The episode before, he said 75 percent. What has changed? JR is usually very succinct and exact when it comes to business.

- This is a nit that kind of folds over on itself. Why, oh, why, was April wearing that bedsheet when she had lunch with Sue Ellen? Certainly we have never known April to be shy...even "modest" doesn't apply. But then later, in Bobby's office, when she's dressed as her normal self, I noticed [I couldn't help it, frankly] that April has suddenly developed a rather enormous posterior! What is up with that?

- And I am really surprised that no one picked up on Jenna's statement that she doesn't "feel the magic" with Ray. This is a slap in the face if I've ever heard it - first Jenna went out to the stables and I daresay would have raped him if she had a mind to. And today she says their tryst wasn't "magical"? Ray...buddy...I might not be the one to point this out, but you need some practice! Was this the man who satisfied ALL the Ewing women? And yet can't delight the promiscuous Jenna? How sad. Or perhaps this signifies that Bobby is DA MAN? I'll let the ladies tell me what they think.

Dave O asked: Was anybody really surprised that Sue Ellen did not visit Clayton in the hospital? That woman is getting more like J.R. every day. Yes she is. This is rather disturbing to me - I kind of like the "take-charge" Sue Ellen, but for a brief period this season, the writers have chosen to take her back to some of the old traits that we hated - like going along with JR all the time.

AHN Anne's corner:

- Talk about backstabbing when J.R. told Harry that he could have cared less about Clayton and then he told Miss Ellie that he loved her husband. Is that scene just to show us how much of a bastard J.R. really is?
I guess so. I'm of two minds about this - while I thought that this whole thing wasn't very well done [seemed kind of rude, rather than evil], I do appreciate that the writers are at least trying to make a token effort to make JR look like his bad old self instead of a rudy-poo candy ass who becomes little more than a bumpkin the last few seasons. They could have gone about this a better way, though.

- Where does J.R. get off opening Bobby's mail? Wouldn't Bobby be upset? And why was the letter open in the first place?
It looked sort of open but not completely - I don't know. And of course Bobby would be upset if the contents of the letter weren't even MORE upsetting.

AHN Jason's corner:

- JR asking Theresa about the letter was dumb... Did he expect her to have opened it already?   He should be able to read the return address and figure it out on his own....

- Couldn't Jenna hear Ray and Charlie argue in their first scene today?  I was expecting Lucas to wake up... assuming that Jenna hasn't forgotten about him and left him at the mall.... LOL! Very convenient that she seems to be running a hair dryer or something.

- I liked it when Bobby asked which hospital Clayton was at...  Geez since when do the Ewings ever go to any hospital other than Dallas Memorial?  

- Anyone notice that the waitress at Sue Ellen and April's table doesn't bring a pen or pad to take their order.....   What is they had special instructions or something?  How good of a memory does she have? Must have READ THE SCRIPT and realized they hadn't read the menus yet.

- Just a note.... Despite Charlie's crying at the end...  I seriously doubt that Ray "isn't coming back" to Dallas...  He OWNS the house they are staying in..   IF anything,  THEY will be moving out...  This brings up a real world issue,  not a nit at all.. in the real world, a  poor single mother is often placed in the position of trading her virtue for sexual favors to keep her kids housed and feed.... I know, it really has nothing to do with this situation,  I just felt like typing it...
Charlie is just being her typical petulant self. Of course Ray is coming back - she just wants to make Jenna feel bad about her stupid decision [or lack thereof]. I do it myself with my parents sometimes when I'm really upset - propose a ridiculous premise about what "might" happen just to get my point across. You'd be amazed how often it works.

- April tells Bobby that she is (sigh) bored and lonely .. She says that she doesn't have to work in her restaurant because it runs itself...with a profit...  In one of my humbler days, I was a waiter...believe me.. in the real world no restaurant runs itself...  It takes many hours of hard work and business skill to run one... I'm sure you're right. Unless the scampi really is that good...

Nitpicker Redux: [formerly AHN Jake's corner]

- Ellie asks the doctor what time the operation will be.  He answers, "First thing in the morning?"  Could you give her a time in numerals, doctor? That might help. Good call.

- Charlie tells Ray he mother is only thinking of herself.  Well, Charlie, aren't YOU thinking only of yourself?  That whole family's a bunch of hypocrites. Get used to it. This will become MUCH worse in coming weeks. MUCH. It will be less tolerable than Full House.

- When Cliff comes in his office, Jackie tells him "that man is here again." Cliff asks, "What man?"  What man, Cliff?  You know.  Jackie must have said this three times already and been referring to the same person.

- When Sue Ellen dines with April, the waitress only asks April for a drink. Yet Sue Ellen isn't drinking anything. She was already sitting there...I assumed she already ordered.

- And while we're at the subject of drinking, what happened to the Oil Baron's? That must be a very expensive set - producers trying to cut costs, I suppose. It will be back.

- When Clayton returns to Southfork, he uses the word "damn" in front of the kids.  Even Ray said "darn".  Okay, I know, it's not such a bad word, but still... Interesting. That one totally slipped by me. See, the Ox is a bad influence!

- When Sue Ellen's secretary buzzed her to tell her Marvell (or whatever) Reid was here, Sue Ellen had to ask who that was.  Why didn't her secretary just tell Sue Ellen it was Mr. Pearce's assistant? Perhaps Marvelle [I think that's how you spell it] didn't tell the secretary.

- The assistant tells Sue Ellen Nicholas thinks she should be present for all store openings.  Then she shows Sue Ellen a paper that has the store openings on it.   Sue Ellen seems like she hasn't discusses this much yet, so then who decided when the store openings would be?  It should be Sue Ellen. Yeah...I'm not too sure about this. It seems to me like Sue Ellen has left a lot in Nicholas' hands, probably at Nick's insistence. Every time she says she wants to get involved, he just shushes her.

- Bobby says he doesn't get what April's trying to say when she says she's bored and doesn't know what to do with her money.  I know what she's trying to say: She's bored and doesn't know what to do with her money! You'll have to forgive the writers here. This is VERY deep foreshadowing going on.

- When Jenna says she doesn't still love Bobby, but is clinging to the fact that she once loved him and how it used to be, Ellie says she doesn't follow. How can she not follow?   She just told you. I hear what you're saying, Jake, but you know what? I don't follow either, in all honesty. What does she mean? Either she loves him and she wants to be with him or she's moved on. She can't just sit on the fence, although that does seem to be the raison d'etre for the Jenna character.

AHN Val's corner:

- It has been said that JR made Harry McSween a rich man by working for him. Yet, Harry has some cheesy bedroom furniture. So does everyone, I think, because of budget cuts.

- Dandy said that nobody's had his respect for years. Three words. Pot, Kettle, Black.

- It seems strange that they kept Christopher and John Ross home from school just to greet Clayton! Any excuse to stay out of school, I guess. This is rather lame.

- Nick's assistant stated that they wanted Valentine Lingerie to do--among other things--talk shows. For some reason, Jerry Springer comes to mind. Too bad it wasn't around then...maybe Sue Ellen can get on Oprah or Sally Jessy or whatever they had then. Back in 1987, if I remember correctly, these shows were VERY tame.

- Again, Jenna goes to Southfork to visit Miss Ellie. And again, she didn't bring Lucas to see Grandma. Bad Mommy!!! What amazes me further is that Ellie didn't even ask about the boy!!!! That's very ungrandmalike behavior. Well, Jenna going a whole episode without mentioning her offspring is also quite unmommylike. Good point, though.

- For someone who supposedly loves his absentee wife, Bobby was sure getting chummy with on Lisa. Specifically, on that kiddie ride when he had his arm around her. What's even more puzzling was that Christopher didn't seem to mind! Bizarre. Totally bizarre. Foreshadowing, of course, but it doesn't make sense.

- And how was it that Bobby and Lisa got admitted into the ball pit? Those things always have height restrictions that allow only small children to enter. Bobby must have paid off the carnie. I think you're right about paying someone off. Or maybe he said, "Look, pal, I'm Bobby Ewing..."

- Bobby was able to get Christopher to go to bed without a fuss. Must be nice. Speaking from experience? :) Of course you're right. Unless Christopher is tuckered out from his big day, but it doesn't seem like it. If he were, he'd be asleep already.

AHN Mike's corner:

- Another nit with that stupid doctor of Clayton's. Miss Ellie asks when he'll be coming home. The doc says he'll keep him here for observation for "a while". Can't this guy be more specific about time frames? How does this help her plan anything? You're right. I don't know how Jake missed this.

- Ray must have been braindead, telling Charlie about his proposal to Jenna. What possible good could it have done? Instead Charlie turns on Jenna, causing more discord over the issue. Would Ray be happy if Charlie browbeat a reluctant Jenna into accepting? He's so insecure already about his women. This whole storyline is going to get ridiculous.

- Wonder if Yolanda, Marilee's maid makes videotapes of the carousing around the pool with Cliff, Casey and god knows who else. She could get rich quick if she ever got fired by blackmailing Marilee. The scriptwriter obviously doesn't like women who are comfortable with their sexuality or active about it, having Casey call her an "animal". JR is never described so derogatorily for his overactive libido. In all fairness, neither have any other women on the show. But Marilee is something else.

AHN Kyle's corner:

- How exactly does McSween know about Clayton's heart attack? It only happened a couple of hours before JR called him. I guess he could have heard in on the radio or through the station, but this isn't entirely plausible. Could have been on the news but seems odd.

- This is VERY minor, but Ray closes his paper BACKWARDS. Funny thing about papers is how they have a crease which makes it easy to fold up, yet Ray decides to go against the grain. When will those cowboys learn? He's reading the stock pages, for whatever reason. I guess he figures the business section goes backwards or something.

- I don't have much experience parenting (in fact, none) but I don't think it's a good idea to tell your potential wife's daughter that her mother shut you down. Apparently, Ray is THAT stupid.

- Why in the world would the guy that works for the City (or possibly state) department try and talk Cliff OUT of buying some crappy [or maybe not...] property? Just take the $15,000 in back taxes and shut your trap! He must have WAY too much time on his hands.

- Well, well, well. The game of musical hospital signs continues today. Dallas Memorial is now a red-brick building with white letters on top of the brick. Yes, Clayton COULD be in recovery, but for consistencies sake, show the same damn sign for once! I don't know why they do this. Very confusing.

- When Clayton got back from the hospital and talked to the family, he wasn't (gasp!) a tool for once. This leads me to believe that Howard Keel was actually a pretty good actor who just got stuck with a lame-ass character (for like eight years). That's what I've been saying all along. It's not Clayton's fault he's an Ox. But he is.

- Denault's deal with JR is a little weird. When the two meet at the bar, JR says Casey will get one percent of the sale. This can be (or should me in my estimation) treated two ways. 1. Casey gets 1% of whatever Marilee sells to him (her sale of the 50% or the entire 100%). or 2. Casey gets 1% of the difference that they'll save by having Marilee sell low (so if she sells it to him for 70 cents on the dollar, Casey will get 1% of the 30% savings on Marilee's share). Now, the second method makes the most sense, but JR does not word it this way, so we have to assume it's the first way. But if that's true, what motivation does Casey have to barter with Marilee. Say she offers 90 cents on the dollar, why would he haggle to get her down to 60 or 70 cents? He wouldn't, because that way his 1% share would be more substantial. Some may argue that he doesn't want to anger JR so will try to get her share for as cheap as possible. Yes, but how will JR know what Marilee will sell for? Maybe Casey would just "settle" for 85% (when in fact, Marilee might go as low as 50%). It's a pretty strange situation.
Now you've confused me. I thought I had this figured out....I figure it's something like this. The whole deal is worth X number of dollars...let's say 10 million as a round figure. So Casey, on JR's behalf, puts up 5 million. Marilee puts up 5 million. Marilee decides to sell for 4 million or whatever. So JR saved a cool million. Out of this 9 or 10 million, Casey should pocket 1 percent in cash, which is 90 to 100 thousand. Not too shabby. Essentially what this means is that Casey is a male call girl who works for 50,000 a shag. [Sobering, huh?]

- Either way in the previous nit, 1% seems like a pretty paltry some. Casey's fairly weathly, you'd think JR would offer something more substantial. Like 3 to 5%. But then maybe JR kept it low so Casey wouldn't go easy on Marilee as explained above. (PLEASE DON'T TELL ME THESE LAST TWO NITS CANCEL EACH OTHER OUT!)
No, I don't think they cancel out...90 to 100 thousand isn't exactly chump change for essentially being a front man. I'm honestly wondering whether I would be inclined to sleep with Marilee Stone for this or any other amount of money.

- Why is Casey so upset about sleeping with Marilee? She's no Mandy, but she's no Mrs. Scottfield either. What a baby! Boo hoo! I have to sleep with a pretty lady, and I'm getting paid for it... Come on dude...she's old! She's crinkly! Even if I'm a fourteen-year-old virgin, I'd have to think twice if she offered to show me hers if I showed her mine.
As a side note, you find her pretty? I think some day we'll have to rank the Dallas women. I can tell you right now that Marilee, on my list, goes below ALL of the Ewing women...even Ellie. [Yes, even Ellie.] Below any secretary who's ever worked at Ewing Oil. She's in the Jackie/Angelica Nero/Mavis Anderson zone for me - not totally disgusting, but I think I could keep my legs crossed if I had to. That DOES put her a notch above the Mrs. Scottfield zone, where you're approaching "maybe-if-she-were-the-last-woman-on-earth" status. Here I would also put Teresa, Liz Craig from the first few seasons, and that dumbass adoption lady who helped Ray and Donna get Tony.

AHN Joe's corner:

- April says something to Nicholas about how he purposely arrived late to let her and Sue Ellen "get comfortable," but Nicholas wasn't all that late.   In fact, April didn't even have a chance to sit down before Nicholas arrived. Good point.

- Where the Hell is Andy Bradley?  I can understand if he's not in the episode because they don't want to pay him, but there isn't even a mention of him in Casey and J.R.'s conversation about the Cartel's interest in a certain deal. They don't want to pay him. Plain and simple. He's capital-G gone!

- Why would Nicholas think that Sue Ellen might need April's capital? After all, however rich April is, Sue Ellen must certainly be wealthier (esp. being happily married to a Ewing). But she's made it clear she wants to use her own assets, not JR's or the Ewing family's. I'd say she's probably worth 25 million or so on her own. What do you think?

Episode 260: Hustling

Full House Moment meter: 1. Bobby and Christopher's opening conversation.